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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Neikki Married guy but finally admit I’m transgender
  • replies: 8

Hello everyone, I am glad I found beyondblue as I need people to talk to about my situation. I am a married Male and I am 45 but I have always felt more comfortable being around women. I remember as a child being dressed up by my sister and later if ... View more

Hello everyone, I am glad I found beyondblue as I need people to talk to about my situation. I am a married Male and I am 45 but I have always felt more comfortable being around women. I remember as a child being dressed up by my sister and later if I was home alone I would try on her clothes and my mums and I always felt different. I also grew up in my teenage years with a secret gay friendship with a guy about 7 years older than me. He was gay and introduced me to being bisexual as I had girlfriends at the same time. I recently realised I am a bisexual transgender. I am so freightened to come out as I will lose all of my male friends and all of my family except possibly my daughter. I am tired of lying to others and myself but don’t want to lose everything I have, friends, home etc. I told my wife she is only 22 and we met 5 years ago and she was so supportive it was amazing but after about 6 weeks she did a total backflip and was going to leave me so I agreed to not show my feminine side around her and nothing more would be spoken of it. I do have a female friend who is a lesbian and gender fluid that I have told I am a bisexual transgender and she is absolutely amazing and so supportive but she doesn’t know my entire story as above. I suffer severe depression and have for 20 years due mainly to my previous relationship with my children’s mother. I would love to hear from anyone who has come out as transgender and or bisexual and anyone else who can offer advice, support, friendship, chatting. I really need people to talk to xox

4smallbean4 Bisexual introduction!!!
  • replies: 1

Hi, this is just a little introduction about me! I am a Bisexual teenager that has only recently started to come out to close friends and family. I live in a fairly religious part of Australia and currently attend a Christian school. I suffer from an... View more

Hi, this is just a little introduction about me! I am a Bisexual teenager that has only recently started to come out to close friends and family. I live in a fairly religious part of Australia and currently attend a Christian school. I suffer from anxiety and depression, which in the past has caused me to self-harm and have suicidal thoughts. I have come out to some of my family and very close friends, and although most of them disagree with the LGBT+ community I have not had any really bad experiences yet, which I am so thankful for. The problem is that I feel like I am the only person like me and I feel so different and alone a lot of the time. Even though some of my friends at school know I am Bi I still feel like I am hiding so much about me because I don't want to make them uncomfortable when I say what I really think. I never really get the chance to meet and talk to anyone like me, which is why I have joined these threads. I am also completely in love with one of my good friends, which sucks because she is straight. So if anyone has any tips on how to stop being in love it would be much appreciated.

bluediamond lost and lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi 3 years ago I was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had my left one removed. under AMA rules the surgeon wouldn't,t replace it with a prosthetic as he said it was illegal and there were too many chances of rejection so I now have one. my best m... View more

Hi 3 years ago I was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had my left one removed. under AMA rules the surgeon wouldn't,t replace it with a prosthetic as he said it was illegal and there were too many chances of rejection so I now have one. my best mate who knows I,m gay and has been beside me for 25 years. recently he told me the friendship was over and left. after I found out he couldn't,t be with me as he didn't want to be friends with a one nutted freak. despite the fact I was getting treatment for cancer. he said he felt I was obscene and I was not worth being with. sadly I,ve come across this issue from a lot of gay guys who just want to make fun of me. now I feel very alone and lost. i.ve lost all interest in being with anyone and now I,ve become so reclusive I can,t tolerate visitors. you all probably thinking I,m taking this too seriously but when you walk down the Main Street and have a complete stranger yell out hey look theres the one nut freak, and everyone else joins in what would you do. all I want is to be loved and accepted as I am. I can,t change what happened and right now I,m in remission. why are some gay guys so cruel?? and no my own doctor has told me that prosthetics can,t be used in QLD as he has checked that side of things out and moving is not an option. I ve been through a lot in the last 3 years most of the time I,ve had to cope on my own. I,ve tried to get help through cancer help groups but when I attended one in in my home town, the lady who was running the session told the group what had happened to me, I was told we don't want your type here that was a cancer support group and I haven't been back. I can,t understand why having cancer seems to make people avoid you like the plague. I,m sorry but its true I,ve gone through this time and time again. if anyone out has the same issues I,d like to get to know you. life is very empty and lonely right now. I wonder how many gay guys have gone through the same thing. just because I only have one does that make me different from any other guy not that it is visual. funny thing is once they find out it turns into a huge joke and they all tell their mates and on it goes. you can see why I,m so reclusive as I,m too scared to get hurt again. love is all I want. any advice please.

Aurora_01 Gay, coming out and scared of everything
  • replies: 5

Hi...i suppose, I'm gay (or lesbian I suppose). And never been able to say it out loud before. I think I've always know but rejected it due to being around unhealthy people who had homophobic views on it. I've grown up in a reasonably small environme... View more

Hi...i suppose, I'm gay (or lesbian I suppose). And never been able to say it out loud before. I think I've always know but rejected it due to being around unhealthy people who had homophobic views on it. I've grown up in a reasonably small environment and always seen bad connotations around the same sex issue. I feel like this has massively effected my comfort when it comes to it. I'm comfortable with liking girls. I know who I am and I like it. But when it comes to other people knowing I just want to curl up and never actually tell them. My two sisters know as well as one of my friends, they're fine with it. I know my family would be fine with it but would probably think I was attention seeking and I don't want them to think of me as something I'm not and I really don't know how to at least let them know that I don't care about the 'hot boys' that they keep pointing out to me. Also I go to a Catholic school and don't want to keep pretending while I'm there but I also don't want to people to treat me differently like I know that they would. I already have quite bad anxiety and depression and have for a while now. I feel like I'm stuck in a revolving door with no real way out and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. Lately I've really felt like suicide is my best option but I don't want to die and I don't want to kill myself. If anyone has some encouraging words I would deeply appreciate it because I really don't know how much longer I can live in my mind. xx

Piertotum_Locomotor Asexuality/ace spectrum (tw? mentions of sex)
  • replies: 5

Hi all, this post is likely going to be a bit of a ramble since my headspace is very messy right now. But essentially I have thought for a while that I am asexual but now after reading things on a forum for asexuals, I'm not really sure where on the ... View more

Hi all, this post is likely going to be a bit of a ramble since my headspace is very messy right now. But essentially I have thought for a while that I am asexual but now after reading things on a forum for asexuals, I'm not really sure where on the spectrum I belong anymore, if at all. Maybe to some people labels don't matter much to them or they even prefer to not label themselves. But I've always found them reassuring since they make me feel less lost about myself. So for a years now I've always had an aversion to physical intimacy, even with someone I loved and was in a relationship with. Sometimes the aversion even goes to the level of repulsion. In fact that's the case most of the time. Occasionally I would get "in the mood" (usually just before I get my period) where I think my habits and desires (? For lack of a better word?) are quite "typical/normal". But afterwards when the moment passes I feel so disgusted with myself and hate myself so much more. Ive never been sexually attracted to anyone (I don't think so at least) which was why I thought I was asexual but lately I have been entertaining and seriously considering doing "it" for the first time, for various reasons. But when I think of the actual mechanics of doing it, I feel SO uncomfortable. But idk if that's out of fear/anxiety or if I'm actually sex repulsed. TL;DR I don't know what I identify as anymore. Kind of want to have sex for the first time but super scared I'm going to regret it big time after. I have no one I can talk about this with in real life since I don't know anyone who's on the ace spectrum. Can anyone who identifies as anything on the ace spectrum please enlighten me on how they feel about sex especially for their first time maybe? Or how to more definitively know that you're on th ace spectrum?

pancake101 Questioning sexual identity while in a relationship
  • replies: 2

Ok so basically i have a bf (I'm a cis girl) and I currently identify as pansexual. For a while i was very comfortable with this title. I am comfortable with the idea of dating girls and trans people and non-binary and all that but the idea of having... View more

Ok so basically i have a bf (I'm a cis girl) and I currently identify as pansexual. For a while i was very comfortable with this title. I am comfortable with the idea of dating girls and trans people and non-binary and all that but the idea of having a penis anywhere near... well i don't really like the idea of that. However, I am still find guys attractive. I am comfortable kissing and all that with a guy but anything under his pants is an auto magic no. I am in my mid teens so i won't be having sex anytime soon. So it leaves me with the question of whether i am either too young(?) to like a guying that way or I'm just not attracted to guys at all. Or the question of whether i could be polysexual if I like all genders but the ones with penises or if that just makes me a lesbian. And then there is the question of how to break up with my bf. I'm a mess any helpful advice?????

HillTopGuru Sexuality and marriage.
  • replies: 7

I hope somebody can point me in the right direction. As a bisexual male in a marriage of 8 years I find I am really struggling. I love my partner very much but find it difficult to accept who I am. My wife doesn't like the fact I am at my core bisexu... View more

I hope somebody can point me in the right direction. As a bisexual male in a marriage of 8 years I find I am really struggling. I love my partner very much but find it difficult to accept who I am. My wife doesn't like the fact I am at my core bisexual. Day to day life I ignore these feelings but for the last four years have been using drugs about every 3 months to feel comfortable in my skin. Of course this has disastrous consequences and leaves me worse than where I left off. Its a mental addiction because I go about three months in between before I want to act out again. Probably in the hope I will experience a wholly satisfying sexual experience. But I never go through with it because that would mean cheating on my wife. My previous relationships with women lasted usually four years before I broke up with them so I could be bisexual. I don't want to leave my wife. My love and care for her outweighs my sexual desires but I find it so hard to be happy. I'm confused about my bisexuality too. I don't 'love' men like I do a woman but I enjoy sex with both since puberty. Am I being selfish or undisciplined? I'm at the point now my conscious brain tells me I don't need it. It all feels like a viscious circle. I have had relationships where my bisexuality was embraced and was a lot of fun. Maybe when I met my wife I was still denying who I was. I had told her about my past so she thought that was done and dusted. So did I. I have seen drug counsellors although I don't fit the stereotype, sexual counsellors x3 and I still don't seem to be anywhere. If I left her I think I would hate myself and who I am even more. I don't know what to do. This current path does not have a happy ending though. Anyone's thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Ashley4 feeling hopeless for transitioning male to female
  • replies: 4

Hi ya'll, I've been questioning my gender for years now and have recently come out to my mum and my therapist as a trans female and am happier now than I have been for many years, but the problem is that my therapist and I have been looking into horm... View more

Hi ya'll, I've been questioning my gender for years now and have recently come out to my mum and my therapist as a trans female and am happier now than I have been for many years, but the problem is that my therapist and I have been looking into hormone replacement therapy, and the good news is, she found somewhere that has phycologists that specialise in gender stuff, which is good... the bad news is that it's in Sydney, and I'm poor and in regional Australia, add to that, that I have been feeling like an imposter to the trans community recently, like I don't belong because of several reasons, and that I'll never look like a 'real' woman, any help/tips to get over these feelings, etc would be really appreciated thanx

Gay_panda Coming out and advice to cope.
  • replies: 1

I am not out to my family and I go to a catholic school. I was just looking for advice, and I have actually asked one of my friends out. She said yes... but we both hate labels. I am nervous to tell people. Plz give advise. Thx. P.s. she is in Americ... View more

I am not out to my family and I go to a catholic school. I was just looking for advice, and I have actually asked one of my friends out. She said yes... but we both hate labels. I am nervous to tell people. Plz give advise. Thx. P.s. she is in America and will be for the next 5 weeks. :’’’(

TD4x Gay, Unmotivated and Frustrated
  • replies: 9

I thought I'd write this to try and sort out my life, I think being sexually deviant is pretty conducive to a train wreck. I've known I was gay since late primary school. I've hated myself since I was around 10, and am now 18 and the feelings are onl... View more

I thought I'd write this to try and sort out my life, I think being sexually deviant is pretty conducive to a train wreck. I've known I was gay since late primary school. I've hated myself since I was around 10, and am now 18 and the feelings are only just starting to subside. I looked at myself and saw a weak weedy boy who was an embarrassment to be around, and anyone that fostered him was doing a favour. I lack the sophistication of words to really explain what I've felt over the years, especially because I have a terrible memory (which scares me, because I forget what I've been through). My "friends" tease me on group chats, targeting me for fun. The very same friends are also those I have deep and meaningful conversations with when I'm drunk, and they say they value me as a friend. I feel like I'm being exploited as a part-time friend for when they need help. They teased me about being gay (my last name rhymes with "gay"), and they never knew (maybe suspected). I feel trapped in the wrong group of friends; they are generally very different people. They dislike intellectual discussions, they're not very empathetic and they're also very reliant on and heavily perpetuate groupthink and toxic peer pressure, which is especially awful when targeting me in what they excuse as "banter". Naturally I sought validation in other areas - I joined clubs at university, but feel as if I'm constantly in the shadow of my brother, who is selected frequently to participate in competitions where I fail. I recently had the opportunity to sleep with another guy, but typing or even thinking the word "gay" is hard enough for me, let alone overtly entering into a relationship (I was too scared to do more than stroke his hair). My family doesn't know, and are quite conservative. I think my parents may suspect something, and have pried a few times, but ultimately having lived with them for all my life I know what they really think about "the gays" and would probably just pity me rather than actually support me. I know I shouldn't feel this way, as I study a respectable degree, have several constructive hobbies and exams would suggest I'm reasonably smart, but sometimes I just feel incredibly stupid, unattractive and helpless to anxiety. My family has never been really supportive of anything I've engaged in, and I just feel very mediocre. I know I'm nothing special, but I consistently feel unmotivated and pessimistic. Thank you for reading

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