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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Grazee YOUNG AND GAY
  • replies: 4

I was talking to my doctor about the difficulties of being gay and he commented that, in his inner city practice he had many young gay patients who presumably didn't have any problems being gay. I was going to be cheeky and ask 'then why are they a p... View more

I was talking to my doctor about the difficulties of being gay and he commented that, in his inner city practice he had many young gay patients who presumably didn't have any problems being gay. I was going to be cheeky and ask 'then why are they a patient?' but I shut my gob before I asked such a question. But I became curious about his comment and thought I'd ask young gay guys if being gay has become easier. I'm talking about how the outside hetro world treats young gay guys these days. Is it easier fellas?

Gruffudd Heterosexual Privilege
  • replies: 12

There are certain things that I as a queer person have to think about, face up to, confront, suffer, that heterosexual people can live with as some kind of privilege and take for granted. Lucky them, so I thought I'd make a list of some of those thin... View more

There are certain things that I as a queer person have to think about, face up to, confront, suffer, that heterosexual people can live with as some kind of privilege and take for granted. Lucky them, so I thought I'd make a list of some of those things from my experience and the brains trust on the internet, just to say to other LGBTI people, you are not alone. Expressing affection in most social situations and not expecting hostile or violent reactions from others. Expecting to be around others of your sexuality most of the time. Not worrying about being the only one of your sexuality in a class, on a job, or in a social situation. Living with your partner and doing so openly. Expressing pain when a relationship ends from death or separation and receiving support from others. Learning about romance and relationships from fiction movies and television. Raise, adopt, and teach children without people believing that you will molest them or force them into your sexuality. Not having to hide or lie about women/men only social activities. Acting, dressing, or talking as you choose without it being a reflection on people of your sexuality. Joint child custody or being recognised as the other parent on a birth certificate. Going wherever you wish and know that you will not be harassed, beaten, or killed because of your sexuality. Not worrying about being mistreated by the police or victimized by the criminal justice system because of your sexuality. Legal marriage to the person you love. Knowing that your basic civil rights will not be denied or outlawed because some people disapprove of your sexuality. Expect that your children will be given texts in school that support your kind of family unit and they will not be taught that your sexuality is a “perversion.” Belonging to the religious denomination of your choice and know that your sexuality will not be denounced by its religious leaders. Knowing that you will not be fired from a job or denied a promotion based on your sexuality. Talking openly about your relationship, holidays, and family planning you and your lover/partner are doing. Immediate access to your loved one in case of accident or emergency. Having positive and accurate media images of people with whom you can identify. Having role models of your gender and sexual orientation. ​and I know there are more things that could be on the list... add them if you like.

Gruffudd Ways we destroy relationships.
  • replies: 6

I came across this article (with a little help) that went through different ways that gay men destroy their relationships. Reflecting on it I think what is described in it applies across the LGBTI spectrum. There isn't the same structure given to us ... View more

I came across this article (with a little help) that went through different ways that gay men destroy their relationships. Reflecting on it I think what is described in it applies across the LGBTI spectrum. There isn't the same structure given to us for relationships as the rest of society (although I feel like with the whole marriage thing we are buying into that straight model more then in the past). So we have made our own models, there is a lot that works and there are some patterns that don't. Here is the list from that article: Having unrealistic expectations Clingy codependency Passive aggressive game playing Selfish behaviors Letting disagreements turn into major blowouts Ongoing use of drugs and alcohol Not regularly making time for one another Thinking something “better” will come along Being too quick to open up the relationship Not having shared goals So I have been with all those 10, and combinations of them. I probably do one or two myself (like 7 and 10). Rob.

Hamlet_24 Asexuality
  • replies: 26

I was just wondering if anyone here identifies as asexual? I've been writing a book with an asexual protaganist and I've slowly come to realise that his story is my story. All my life I've thought I was gay and for all intents and purposes I am but I... View more

I was just wondering if anyone here identifies as asexual? I've been writing a book with an asexual protaganist and I've slowly come to realise that his story is my story. All my life I've thought I was gay and for all intents and purposes I am but I've slowly come to realise that the relationships I want with men aren't necessarily centred around sex. In the past I've justified my feelings about sex as being a bi product of my illness (Borderline, Depression, anxiety-fun times) and my problems with intimacy but I've realised that sex isn't a very high priority for me. I've been doing a lot of reading and I think I might be gray-asexual or demi sexual. The other night I actually got really upset because this revalation has actually caused me to reevaluate everything I thought I knew about myself; I've had to fight so hard to be gay and I don't think I can come out again, I don't think people will take me seriously and most of all I don't know how I can pursue a meaningful relationship. Nobody ever talks about asexuality or people with a low, non existent sex drive and we are just surrounded by sex and I've over compensated by talking about it a lot and having many sexual partners but I've just felt nothing, it's always been an ego trip or power thing never about the sex itself. The other night I realised that what I want is companionship and I got really sad because I realised that I have friends who I want more from without really wanting to go to bed with them, I'm ok if they want to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere but I'd want them to come home to me. It breaks my heart because I never feel like I'll ever get that. Sorry this has been so incoherent, it's much easier to write about it from a fictional standpoint.

Alex_86 Sexuality
  • replies: 17

Hi, I'm sorry if this is a taboo topic; I promise it's all clean and PC. I'm suffering from bad anxiety, have been for a long while, and one of the looming dreads is related to sexuality. Ever since I was a teen I've been waiting for sex to interest ... View more

Hi, I'm sorry if this is a taboo topic; I promise it's all clean and PC. I'm suffering from bad anxiety, have been for a long while, and one of the looming dreads is related to sexuality. Ever since I was a teen I've been waiting for sex to interest me, to have a crush on someone, to get what all the fuss is about. I never bothered to date in highschool and towards the end started to think that maybe something was wrong. In time I started to frantically hope that perhaps I was homosexual, perhaps I hadn't noticed any attraction because I'd been looking at the wrong people, you know? But nothing. Back in the mid 2000s I found out about asexuality and I still don't know what to think. If it's real it fits what I am; and I hate that. I feel like a broken person to not, and to never have, felt this huge drive that media tells us is integral to the human experience. I want to fix it. I've had my hormones checked (all in working order), I grew up in a happy home that didn't demonise nor lionise sex so it's not like I grew up with strange notions. I don't have anything to pin this problem on, I don't know what to do, and it's crushing.

bear_cub1 UPDATED: General Troubles
  • replies: 11

Hi. This is my first post here. I don't really know the best way to write this but here goes. I have troubles with social anxiety and depression and i'm also gay. I have had these 'problems' for a while and have gotten help over the years but nothing... View more

Hi. This is my first post here. I don't really know the best way to write this but here goes. I have troubles with social anxiety and depression and i'm also gay. I have had these 'problems' for a while and have gotten help over the years but nothings really worked a great deal. In the last year I have stoped all my meds,stoped counseling ect and i think i'm better off for it. I was feeling better but things happen and i'm back feeling the way I was. I have just been pushing my self to get out more, go more places and try to be happy. It's worked but with that has come problems. I don't have many friends and only one friend in town. We have been mates since high school and have started talking again. He has been great and I push my self a lot more to do stuff and he pushes my comfort zone and it's been good. We see each other maybe 2-3 times a week and some times even more. But there is a new problem that I knew would happen and that I tried to stop. I'm falling for him big time. I liked him at school all those years ago and when he left I cut off contact so I wouldn't punish myself. We weren't close mates but I still missed him and I thought that it was the right thing to do.After a few years we started talking again and started to hang out and that was a big step for me as I hadn't had friends in a few years. It was good but I soon felt these feelings for him again. I tried to stop them, time apart,trying not to think about it ect and it didn't work. I have liked him for so long so it's not a new thing. It's bad though because he is my only friend in town and he's a good mate and I hate that I have feelings for him. There is also mixed signals from him and I think he likes me back but is scared to say it. I have done this before in school where two guys liked me and I liked them back but no one said any thing. It wasn't till they come out that I knew they liked me back and that we could have been in a relationship. I feel bad that I like him but I always ask what if. What if he likes me back and no one acts on it and we both miss out. Or what if I do come out to him and he feels strange hanging out with me and I lose him as a mate and go back to how I was. And of course i'm scared that he will leak and tell some one else. I am kind of out but not to my family. I come out to a mate a while ago and it was so hard to do. It took a while to say it but when I did and he didn't care that I was gay,it was so good. The feeling of telling some one my secret was so amazing. But it really hit me hard that this is real. It truly didn't sink in that I was gay and what it would mean until I told him because it had all ways just been my secret.I have come out to a lot of people but no family yet. I just don't think they will like the idea as most of them are really anti gay. I really think my mates bi but i'm too scared to ask. Again what if. What if he feels bad about it and closes up about it, or what if he thinks i'm asking because I like him and that could also wreck our friendship.Our friendship is good and it's always one on one. We hang out,go for big drives and just do stuff together and it's been good. There is also signals there but I don't know if they are real or i'm just wanting him to like me so bad that I make them up or twist them to how I want it to be. I really want to come out to him because I feel like i'm just lying to him all the time and it's not the real me. I'm also scared that he won't like the gay me and that he will feel uncomfortable spending so much time together. It's a difficult thing to deal with and I feel really bad about the whole situation. Any help would be appreciated. I'm starting counseling soon but thought I would try here as well. Thanks

Gruffudd Being punished by dad.
  • replies: 22

My father has many ways of upsetting me, but always manages to surprise. Here is another one. He has given the apartment in Queensland to my brother, who has been such a good boy being married with children and all. And because he spends money on the... View more

My father has many ways of upsetting me, but always manages to surprise. Here is another one. He has given the apartment in Queensland to my brother, who has been such a good boy being married with children and all. And because he spends money on the credit cards before he earns it (despite being paid double what I am) he is so terribly poor. In comparison I look well off even though I am priced out of living in the city. Father tells me I should be happy for him. I was after all, warned to get married or be out of the will. I am glad to have followed my grandmothers advice and to be independent of any man including my father. It shouldn't, but it does still upset me when he does these things.

Gruffudd Discovering my gender, what am I?
  • replies: 11

I dont have the answer yet and would love some help from my trans and genderqueer brothers and sisters. I was assigned boy when I was born. That has never quite been comfortable for me, like I have always been something in the middle or maybe a girl.... View more

I dont have the answer yet and would love some help from my trans and genderqueer brothers and sisters. I was assigned boy when I was born. That has never quite been comfortable for me, like I have always been something in the middle or maybe a girl. Being uncomfortably honest confusion, doubt, and fear has gotten me to avoid or lie about this. One day a few years ago I got to that sinking feeling that this was a thing and decided I'd better settle for genderqueer. Mostly that seems fine. I was thinking back on the happiest times in my life. One of them was when I was a little girl, around the age of 10. I had moved town and managed to wear a dress to school most days and enjoyed playing houses with my friends (all girls), at that time I was playing netball as Goal Defence and quite good at it. Most people accepted me as Robin and didn't seem to mind. Then over the next year things started changing. I had my first boyfriend and learned that there were some differences and prejudices I hadn't been aware of before. It was around then I got caught and had to wear the boys uniform again. Its funny that no matter how many times I moved school the kids knew other kids who knew about Robin and bullied with that story. That pushed it deeper and brought out the doubt, confusion, and fear. I liked other boys and whilst it was not made comfortable at least people understood what gay was and accepted that I could be that. Then the damage done by hormones happened, they turned me physically into a man, It's harder to figure this out now that has happened. Can I be comfortable with being a man who has a genderqueer identity and just does man in a different more neutral or feminine way? Perhaps, but that is not what I feel my body is when my eyes are closed. This isn't about a physical transition for me it is more about learning to be comfortable in my own self. I know that so many in my life would dismiss or not believe that this is part of me. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. Rob.

Paul Gender stereotyping in marketing - is there a place for it anymore?
  • replies: 10

Hi Folks. Recently I was shopping for a new sewing machine. I did research, visited my helpful local sewing store (the owner is AWESOME) and looked at websites. I happened upon brochures for a range of machines with "Ideal for the beginner or the mos... View more

Hi Folks. Recently I was shopping for a new sewing machine. I did research, visited my helpful local sewing store (the owner is AWESOME) and looked at websites. I happened upon brochures for a range of machines with "Ideal for the beginner or the most advanced seamstress" I felt offended, excluded and precluded from buying that machine (it was rather nice). I decided not to buy from that company because of this nuance in their marketing that caused offence. The reason I felt offended was that they obviously think that it's either only women who sew or they are trying to hit a target market. In both cases there is no need to use gender based wording. Here's my discussion point; I believe that the wording is a reflection of the way the company is thinking and they could be a leader in making it OK for men to take up the hobby of sewing/embroidery. With the right campaign they could shape society. I spoke up and e-mailed them. Keen to hear your thoughts! Paul PS I went with a different brand machine

DrTom Uncomfortable about ordinary things
  • replies: 7

So I was just kissing my partner goodbye on the front porch when a tradie on the building side next door appeared from behind the fence. My partner was just heading home (we live in different houses) and my kids and I were just heading out on food fo... View more

So I was just kissing my partner goodbye on the front porch when a tradie on the building side next door appeared from behind the fence. My partner was just heading home (we live in different houses) and my kids and I were just heading out on food for burgers at Northland. I found myself feeling slightly nervous about our safety going home and whether there could be a brick through the window. All was fine, but the doubt was there. This is what it is like in an environment when homophobia like that from Scott Morrison and Eric Abetz is tolerated. Generally, I'm find holding the hand of my partner in public - most places, though not at Northland. I acknowledge that most [and and increasing number of] people are just fine with, or even encouraging of LGBTI people, and that the anxiety was perhaps not proportional to the real risk. But this was my home. If someone yells "faggots!" at my partner and I holding hands walking down the street, we can retreat to the safety of home. If a homophobe threatens me as I kiss my partner on my porch, I feel somehow that the safety of my home is compromised. Have you felt this discomfort? How do you deal with it? Tom.