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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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emotionsickness Caught some feels for a straight woman - help
  • replies: 9

Soo I have met this incredible woman. We hit it off immediately when we met and I have developed some feelings for her. It has all come as a surprise to me, and has hit me like a ton of bricks. We usually see each other most days, we work out at the ... View more

Soo I have met this incredible woman. We hit it off immediately when we met and I have developed some feelings for her. It has all come as a surprise to me, and has hit me like a ton of bricks. We usually see each other most days, we work out at the same gym. I already know that nothing will happen between us - she is married. I accept that and I respect that. I guess I am just wondering what I can do to get over having feelings for her? I guess that I will just being going to the gym when I know she won't be there which will help. And I guess it will take some time also. I want to get to a point where we can just vibe with each other without me lusting after her. I don't want to avoid her but I feel like it is the best thing at the moment. Am I being childish or ridiculous? I feel like I am being silly. But, after having some mental health issues, I feel like I need to look after my own interests at the moment. I feel so messed up.

Born2Slavic Feeling down during marriage equality debate
  • replies: 6

Hi there, I find it hard to manage my anxiety and depressive feelings during the marriage equality debate. It is hard to stay possitive in a small town with conservative views, and I feel there is very limited support. I just feel like crap, no other... View more

Hi there, I find it hard to manage my anxiety and depressive feelings during the marriage equality debate. It is hard to stay possitive in a small town with conservative views, and I feel there is very limited support. I just feel like crap, no other word for it. I need to create a support network and connect with people who have similar feelings. Those who can offer any advice are welcome

Guest_68 I'm a transman, a writer and an sf fan with depression
  • replies: 13

Hi. I may have posted before but not for a few months at least. I tend not to when things are going better. So I came online earlier tonight and made a fairly freaked out post somewhere else and it was kindly suggested to me I might try here. My name... View more

Hi. I may have posted before but not for a few months at least. I tend not to when things are going better. So I came online earlier tonight and made a fairly freaked out post somewhere else and it was kindly suggested to me I might try here. My name is Alex, I'm a transman, a writer and an sf fan, and have been trying to manage my own mental health for quite a few years now. I recently attended the World SF Convention in Helsinki which was a wonderful event, but when I came home, I immediately came down with a bad head cold and a crashing case of what we call post con depression. Even at the event, I felt very isolated among crowds. I know I'm not the only one; in fact, Finland seems like a good place for depressive types - it's quite normal to be on your own and people give you heaps of space. The language is not gender based, so that means even when speaking English, Finns don't heap "sir" or "madam" on you the way people here do. That means it didn't matter a lot what gender they thought I was; I couldn't tell from the way they treated me! I'd been trying to lower my dose of antidepressant. Turns out this dose was no help in keeping intense stress at bay, like I've had in the last few days. So I've put it back up and hopefully can stay there. I'm saying all this in the interests of full disclosure. Yes, I've been messing with the drugs. I also know people have much worse troubles than me. Not sure what else I can say, just that I'm looking for some friends to hang out with.

Rik1 Old, married but have lived a lifetime lie because I'm gay
  • replies: 4

I read Steven's story (Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie) with fascination and through many tears because his story was so similar to mine. I'm in my mid-70s, and have known since my teens that I was gay, but tried initially to suppress... View more

I read Steven's story (Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie) with fascination and through many tears because his story was so similar to mine. I'm in my mid-70s, and have known since my teens that I was gay, but tried initially to suppress it. I was raised a Catholic, even training for the priesthood. I was introduced to gay activity whilst in the seminary. I was betrayed through the confessional process and was told to leave. In my early 20s, I returned home and started my life over again, refusing to believe I was gay. I didn't know what it meant anyway. Whilst at teacher training college, I joined others in typical social activity, including dating girls. I was never comfortable with this. I completed my training, began to teach and married another teacher, whom I genuinely loved. In the meantime, I had begun the secretive lifestyle of a furtive gay, including visiting saunas. Before we married, I told my fiance that I had these feelings, but she was dismissive saying she would be more upset if I fancied other women. From then on, it was a double life. We had a sexual life up to a point, but it was never fully satisfying for me, and not for her either, but we lived with it. Meanwhile, I was regularly following a secret lifestyle of visiting clubs, saunas and even had the occasional relationship with men, all of it under the pressure of trying to keep this activity secret. As I've grown old, and very conscious that I'm no longer attractive to other men, I've turned to the internet for sexual gratification, and have become obsessed from time to time with online contact with certain individuals. It has been a revelation to me how young guys today are so accepting of their sexuality, and I fantasize about being part of this. My reason for explaining all this is that I am totally ashamed of my life, and have become so depressed about my current situation. Part of me feels why try to change things so late in my life, but I have become overwhelmed by a feeling of worthlessness. I often think of death, but I doubt if I would have the courage to end it all. Coming out publicly or ending my marriage is not an option. I couldn't do this to my wife. I'm desperately unhappy and listless and often find myself crying for no obvious reason. I continue to cruise the internet for fantasies. Can anyone advise how to find some peace? I live in Adelaide and would love someone to recommend a counselor. I can't relate to my GP.

Pangit_ Breakup - confusion, love and sexuality
  • replies: 3

Okay here goes. My boyfriend of almost four years recently broke up with me. He has been struggling with his sexuality since I met him, along with depression, possible bipolar and taking antidepressants and recently antianxiety medication. He came ou... View more

Okay here goes. My boyfriend of almost four years recently broke up with me. He has been struggling with his sexuality since I met him, along with depression, possible bipolar and taking antidepressants and recently antianxiety medication. He came out as bi-sexual to me over a year ago and that was all fine and our lives continued. I support him and his sexuality but recently I'm worried about his choices. We very rarely fought and had a lot of things in common. There was never really a dull moment. I lost my libido when I had my contraception implant a year and a half ago and he lost his when he developed depression a year ago. For quite a while we didn't have a sexual relationship but on all other levels we were connecting. Then around 10 months ago he stopped communicating and got really distant. I figured it was just his depression so I tried to be there for him. He talked to another friend about his problems more than me. Three weeks ago he told me he was gay not bi and he had no feelings for me. He still considered me to be his best friend and loved me but not the way I wanted him to. But his actions and his words always contradicted. We had sex multiple times during the course of the breakup. He seemed to want to break up to stop any possibility of hurting me in the future if he found someone else. He wanted to keep living with me which I found too heartbreaking. He has become arrogant since taking the antianxiety medication and believes everything he knows and everything he believes is right. when he told me he was bi, it was always he liked men but I was the only girl he had real feelings for. I got worried that it was his depression that caused him to fall out of love for me and thus get his feelings messed up. I know I'm probably being deluded in believing it to not be true but I'm really not coping with losing him and that part of my life. I've had to move back in with my parents because living with him got too painful. I've lost my best friend and soulmate and I feel like a part of me has died. I've been having panic attacks and nonstop crying. I haven't been able to eat or sleep for days. I've been done ecounselling and have an appointment to see someone face to face to talk about what's going on but I can't stop having hope that he will love me. I know it is horrible but I'm not coping well at all.

Alec92 Gay and can't find a partner
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, I'm a single gay man from Melbourne and am struggling to find a partner. Here is my story: I've given these dating apps a good try: I've been on them intermittently for a year and a half or so and things were just not happening for me... View more

Hello everyone, I'm a single gay man from Melbourne and am struggling to find a partner. Here is my story: I've given these dating apps a good try: I've been on them intermittently for a year and a half or so and things were just not happening for me! I was mostly ignored and came away feeling annoyed and frustrated. I did my best to relate to others and tried to find a connection with someone, but I felt as though I was wasting my time because my effort and enthusiasm was not reciprocated. I initiated communication and sent people messages but I often got nothing back in return. Other times I received delayed replies that were very short or two words long, which provided me with very little information about them to build on to keep the conversation going. So therefore the interaction back and forth between me and the other person would fizzle out very quickly. Often the other person would disappear completely after the third or fourth message was exchanged. Conversation felt very one-sided most of the time because no one reached out to me first. When I stopped doing all of the initiating, I would never hear back from the other person again! I showed a genuine interest in others by asking them thoughtful questions about themselves, but few ever asked me questions about myself. When I did share things about myself, few asked me follow-up questions. Regardless of where I met other gay men: many I encountered were heavily into the clubbing scene, did party drugs, slept around and were only after hook-ups and/ or casual sex. I found all of this very frustrating and disappointing because I wanted a relationship/ decent boyfriend that would be my partner and my friend! I was left feeling in despair! All things considered, I find the whole process of online dating apps to be infuriating and unfulfilling. I consider the gay scene extremely difficult to navigate and it was a lonely experience for me.

doonacloud I'd like a relationship but I haven't found the right person yet: 28/f/Melbourne/bisexual
  • replies: 1

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and I haven't been able to keep a relationship for more than a couple of years. I love being in a healthy, loving relationship, but I tend to push my partner away when I'm especially depressed, and I... View more

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and I haven't been able to keep a relationship for more than a couple of years. I love being in a healthy, loving relationship, but I tend to push my partner away when I'm especially depressed, and I often feel like nobody understands me. I have a really loving, supportive family, and a solid group of friends I've known since high school, and that helps ward off the loneliness, but it's just not the same as being in a relationship. Although I identify as bisexual, I've only ever been in relationships with men. How do you form that intimate connection with someone when you're depressed and want to shut everyone out? How do you make yourself vulnerable without dumping a load of mental health issues on someone?

Pac1979 Gay, anxiety/depression, redundancy, gambling, suicidal
  • replies: 5

Hello, First time poster. I have always been shy and anxious, even as a young child, pics of me are tight lipped smiles, the only video of me shows me as anxious with OCD patterns (rubbing my inner forearms against my ribs constantly).. Was bullied a... View more

Hello, First time poster. I have always been shy and anxious, even as a young child, pics of me are tight lipped smiles, the only video of me shows me as anxious with OCD patterns (rubbing my inner forearms against my ribs constantly).. Was bullied a lot and had bricks hit on my head or thrown at my head a few times. This was in Glasgow between 5-9 y.o. My parents came to Sydney, that was very traumatising, starting end of year 3 here, and bullied and teased about my accent. And was bullied here from year 3 until end of high school. One tuesday after a normal sports day when I was 15 I was walking home from school the normal way around 2:30pm. But some voice in my head said "look back" which I never normally did. I looked back and saw 3 guys at the end of the street. The voice in my head said "run!" But I was too socially shy and thought I'd look stupid. Well, the three guys caught up with me, asked for a dollar. I said I had no money, then they said give me your watch, it was my Xmas pressure, digital and told the temperature, I loved it. I said no, then they started to bash me and punch me until I fell to the ground and until I took my watch off and gave it to them. Even until today I hate feeling people behind me, I am hyper-vigilant, I need to sit at the back of a bus or train otherwise I am extremely anxious. I hate being in crowds and panic. I know I was always an anxious child (in hindsight) and the mugging made it worse. I first saw a doc in 2004, because I read an article about social phobia and realised that was me. Im 37, I've been single for 14 years. Had 1 proper boyfriend and that lasted 8 months (yes I'm gay and I know that added to everything as I had to hide who I am). I've tried 6 different anti depressants. Some good most bad. I was made redundant after 11 years at my job and lost my self worth. But even as I worked there I wouldn't go to the toilet at work and had anxiety catching the lift. After my redundancy I went overseas by myself for 2 months hoping it would cure my social anxiety. It didn't. A few weeks after I came back I took myself to a medical centre on a Saturday because I wanted to kill myself, I didn't have my Medicare card, they refused me, I went outside and thought, if I don't see someone I'm going to kill myself. I went back in and broke down in tears at the reception. She let me see a doc and I got referred to the mental health team. They came uninvited to my house

Pe66les confused, married and gay
  • replies: 5

Hi All, i'm married with a child. i have been with my husband for over 13 years now. i was only 17 when we got together. i'm gay and i don't know what to do. i grew up with a very homophobic father, so i think that i have hidden my feelings from him ... View more

Hi All, i'm married with a child. i have been with my husband for over 13 years now. i was only 17 when we got together. i'm gay and i don't know what to do. i grew up with a very homophobic father, so i think that i have hidden my feelings from him and myself so i wouldn't upset my him. i'm not happy anymore, my husband has cheated on me twice in the past, i have been doing a lot of soul searching over the past few months. i now know who i am, but i'm so scared of breaking up my family. please if anyone has any advice i would be truly grateful.

Tiffany_h What would a transsexual do if rejected sex change
  • replies: 2

Hello all, my name is Jason and I am a 41 year old transsexual. My concern is that I will be denied gender reassignment due to a past history of major depression and two stays in the psyche ward for post trumatic stress after being gang bashed and st... View more

Hello all, my name is Jason and I am a 41 year old transsexual. My concern is that I will be denied gender reassignment due to a past history of major depression and two stays in the psyche ward for post trumatic stress after being gang bashed and struck by a car when I tried to flee ten years ago. I drank and did drugs to exess before being admitted for suicidal ideation, depression and refusing to eat. My time in hospital helped me break my habits and reflect on my negative attitudes. This was three years ago and now I am totally clean and clear minded. I don't even take meds anymore because my habits were what was making me depressed. Anyway I believe I will be rejected for a sex change because of my checkered psychological history. I tried to get an appointment with a gender dysphoria psychiatrist but he hasn't got back to me about an appointment probably because my doctors referral mentions my psycological past. I really don't know what to do, I am rather desperate. Even if I do get to see him I think I will not be accepted in the end.