Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Paul Gender stereotyping in marketing - is there a place for it anymore?
  • replies: 10

Hi Folks. Recently I was shopping for a new sewing machine. I did research, visited my helpful local sewing store (the owner is AWESOME) and looked at websites. I happened upon brochures for a range of machines with "Ideal for the beginner or the mos... View more

Hi Folks. Recently I was shopping for a new sewing machine. I did research, visited my helpful local sewing store (the owner is AWESOME) and looked at websites. I happened upon brochures for a range of machines with "Ideal for the beginner or the most advanced seamstress" I felt offended, excluded and precluded from buying that machine (it was rather nice). I decided not to buy from that company because of this nuance in their marketing that caused offence. The reason I felt offended was that they obviously think that it's either only women who sew or they are trying to hit a target market. In both cases there is no need to use gender based wording. Here's my discussion point; I believe that the wording is a reflection of the way the company is thinking and they could be a leader in making it OK for men to take up the hobby of sewing/embroidery. With the right campaign they could shape society. I spoke up and e-mailed them. Keen to hear your thoughts! Paul PS I went with a different brand machine

DrTom Uncomfortable about ordinary things
  • replies: 7

So I was just kissing my partner goodbye on the front porch when a tradie on the building side next door appeared from behind the fence. My partner was just heading home (we live in different houses) and my kids and I were just heading out on food fo... View more

So I was just kissing my partner goodbye on the front porch when a tradie on the building side next door appeared from behind the fence. My partner was just heading home (we live in different houses) and my kids and I were just heading out on food for burgers at Northland. I found myself feeling slightly nervous about our safety going home and whether there could be a brick through the window. All was fine, but the doubt was there. This is what it is like in an environment when homophobia like that from Scott Morrison and Eric Abetz is tolerated. Generally, I'm find holding the hand of my partner in public - most places, though not at Northland. I acknowledge that most [and and increasing number of] people are just fine with, or even encouraging of LGBTI people, and that the anxiety was perhaps not proportional to the real risk. But this was my home. If someone yells "faggots!" at my partner and I holding hands walking down the street, we can retreat to the safety of home. If a homophobe threatens me as I kiss my partner on my porch, I feel somehow that the safety of my home is compromised. Have you felt this discomfort? How do you deal with it? Tom.

biAnxious Nearly 30, anxious and trying to come out
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, in the last two years I've been trying to be true to myself after realising that my whole life I've been pretending to be someone that I'm really not. I'm nearly 30 with an anxiety disorder and trying to come out as bisexual to my family... View more

Hi everyone, in the last two years I've been trying to be true to myself after realising that my whole life I've been pretending to be someone that I'm really not. I'm nearly 30 with an anxiety disorder and trying to come out as bisexual to my family. My sexuality is a subject I've been dealing with for most of my life, but never really understood til after my 25th birthday. I've managed to come out to close friends of mine, who have been more than supportive, but I'm still struggling and anxious to tell my family because I feel like they will disown me or worse. Its also been more apparent that it's something I have to do in light of what's happened in Orlando. does anyone have any advice to offer?

Grazee OUTCASTS
  • replies: 32

I've had a long life and I'd say . . . only a few regrets. One thing that does upset me is that for a large part of my life I've been an outcast. Early on Society wanted to punish and transform me but as the years have progressed I guess being gay go... View more

I've had a long life and I'd say . . . only a few regrets. One thing that does upset me is that for a large part of my life I've been an outcast. Early on Society wanted to punish and transform me but as the years have progressed I guess being gay got a little easier; but I'm still an outcast. As I watch TV I'm confronted with a hetro world that is continually in my face. I get angry when I'm forced to view straight love scenes and sex encounters. I have feelings of love and desire that are wholesome and natural but the straight media simply ignores my needs. I find it further insulting that straight society portrays lesbian encounters and I'm led to believe, get turned on by them. Weird? But create a scene where two men kiss each other, this is deemed unacceptable. I believe that the Libs, if they win the election, will conduct a plebiscite on gay marriage. That's ridiculous! If two people of either sex want to make a commitment to each other, they don't need anyone's approval. My journey is coming to an end and I sincerely hope that younger generations will rebel at being outcasts. We gays are wonderful, caring intelligent and resourceful people who very rarely indulge in violence. We should be welcomed unconditionally into all aspects of life in this wonderful world.

justinok Orlando
  • replies: 22

OK so I've really struggling after the weekend and Orlando. Not just the event itself, which is unimaginably horrible, but what it represents. Clubs like Pulse were the only place I could find sanctuary when I was younger, where I could be myself and... View more

OK so I've really struggling after the weekend and Orlando. Not just the event itself, which is unimaginably horrible, but what it represents. Clubs like Pulse were the only place I could find sanctuary when I was younger, where I could be myself and not be afraid. For someone to come into that safe place and violently murder people like me... and then to read that he was supposedly set off because he had seen two men kissing public a few weeks earlier. I just don't know what the world is coming to some days. Some of the comments online from people saying 'great that they're attacking perverts now instead of innocent people' was just the icing on the cake. It's been a horrible weekend.

Grazee LONELINESS
  • replies: 10

My story really starts in the 1950's when, as a teenager, I realized I was gay. Of course the term gay wasn't used then; homosexuals were demeaned with such adjectives as 'poofter', 'queer' or 'faggot'. For some reason, my parents were strongly homop... View more

My story really starts in the 1950's when, as a teenager, I realized I was gay. Of course the term gay wasn't used then; homosexuals were demeaned with such adjectives as 'poofter', 'queer' or 'faggot'. For some reason, my parents were strongly homophobic so any discussion of my situation was out of the question. It was a bitter time to be gay; to the police we were criminals, to the church we were both evil and sinners, and to the general population we were collectively despised. In fact being gay was tantamount to a death wish; gay bashing was universally encouraged. Whether to be cured or to hide, I decided to get married; I had three kids. I managed to suppress my urges for some time but eventually the pressures grew too great and I had a complete breakdown. I tried to punch a hole through concrete. I was hospitalized, and was given aversion therapy in the form of drugs and electric shock treatments. Of course nothing worked; I ended up with an identity crisis that will follow me to the grave. I have been in the care of 4 psychiatrists and 3 psychologists. I divorced after 15 years but have never turned my back on my family nor my family responsibilities; my children know I'm gay. I made many gay friends but had to attend funeral after funeral as these young people succumbed to that dreadful disease. In my late 70's now I have few friends; both gay people and straight people are uncomfortable with a gay married man. My Identity crisis has inhibited my ability to reach out and seek friendship. I joined the local men's shed but realized I had nothing in common with my fellow members. The men's shed is all about making wooden toys and not about relieving loneliness. Increasingly, I feel the need to talk to someone . . . just to talk to someone. I don't mean to moan about my lot in life but . . . just to talk with someone. I take pills for depression, anxiety, mood disorder and arthritic pain; but there's no pill available that is a cure for loneliness.

Nyletac Scared To Express Love
  • replies: 2

I'm bisexual, and have a girlfriend, we've been dating for over a month, but we haven't done anything in FRONT of people ( kiss, hug ). It's mainly because I choose not too, I'm scared of the judgement that will come with this type of relationship. I... View more

I'm bisexual, and have a girlfriend, we've been dating for over a month, but we haven't done anything in FRONT of people ( kiss, hug ). It's mainly because I choose not too, I'm scared of the judgement that will come with this type of relationship. I can tell my girlfriend is getting sick of it. I love her, and I want to show the world, but how do I do that if I'm scared to be judged ? Please help....

Paul Liberation - no more online apps and websites
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, It's taken me about 10 cycles of installing apps to try and find someone nice, then getting really upset and "pushing my big red trigger button". Painful lessons driven by the need to find someone to cuddle up to and talk. Of course ther... View more

Hi everyone, It's taken me about 10 cycles of installing apps to try and find someone nice, then getting really upset and "pushing my big red trigger button". Painful lessons driven by the need to find someone to cuddle up to and talk. Of course there are other ways to meet people, but as we all know it's difficult to leave the house sometimes so online dating etc makes some sense. I got sick of being ignored (3% hit rate on returned greetings) I got sick of people lying when I challenge them on why they didn't say hello back I got sick, it became almost obsessive and a big fat trigger for me. I'm sure sites and apps work for some people - awesome, just not me. What have your experiences been? Paul

LennyT88 HOCD
  • replies: 2

I have been having homosexual OCD ever since taking LSD. I know I am not gay and I am in love with my beautiful wife. But my brain will find anything to latch onto to convince myself that I am. I have tried looking at gay porn and am not interested. ... View more

I have been having homosexual OCD ever since taking LSD. I know I am not gay and I am in love with my beautiful wife. But my brain will find anything to latch onto to convince myself that I am. I have tried looking at gay porn and am not interested. Is anyone out there in the same boat as me?

lil_lexi Bisexual girl...
  • replies: 1

I'm a 15 year old girl, and I am bisexual... When I first came out, I put it on my Facebook profile bio that I was interested in Girls and Boys. I also came out on Ask.fm. I knew a lot of people from school are on there...so people talked about it at... View more

I'm a 15 year old girl, and I am bisexual... When I first came out, I put it on my Facebook profile bio that I was interested in Girls and Boys. I also came out on Ask.fm. I knew a lot of people from school are on there...so people talked about it at school, and it spread around. Some people from my school are still only just learning about my sexuality, even though I came out a few months ago. Anyway... When I first came out, a lot of guys would talk to me about it. This one guy, asked if he could ask me some questions about being Bisexual, because he was a friend of mine- and I have been friends with him for 8 years- I said sure. A lot of the questions were so INAPPROPRIATE. But..I still answered the questions, I trusted him, and I was fine with it. I used to get questions on Ask.fm, asking me if i was Christian, why am I also Bi- isnt that wrong. And I was just like "Tf, its not wrong." But, no one really asks me questions anymore, which is good. At school, this one guy has been bothering me and my best freind about being Bisexual. My best friend is also Bisexual. Which is cool. The reason I came out as Bisexual to my best friend: She came out to me! I was quite scared to come out as Bi to her, I thought she would judge me. So she was the last to know... But one day she messaged me and ended up saying she was Bi, I was like "Umm, well this is funny. Same" I was so surprised I was like "OMG THIS IS SOO COOL, WE CAN BOTH CHECK OUT GIRLS TOGETHER" But this one guy, at school, at my Christian school, keeps bothering me. Saying I'm in love with my best friend- because we're both Bi. And I say, thats not how it works...just cause we're Bi doesnt mean we're in love. He says, it does work that way, and we love each other *Eye roll* Yeah, like sisters. He also keeps saying- Bisexual and Lesbian ARE THE SAME THING. And I always say no it isn't, but everyone says it is. Lesbian- Girls liking girls, and ONLY girls. Bisexual- Liking girls AND boys. Jeez, its not that hard to see there 2 different things. What do I do with this guy? I'm so sick of him, should I report him to a teacher or something..that probably wont even do anything. Anything I could say to him to get off my back... Please help xx