Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Zim Am to young for some of the 'Mens Groups' and to old for the 'Youth Groups'?
  • replies: 9

I have been trying to look for a support group which can get me out of the house and connect me with similar minded people. Online is great but I think I would benefit a lot more from face to face interactions.I know there are probably many groups ou... View more

I have been trying to look for a support group which can get me out of the house and connect me with similar minded people. Online is great but I think I would benefit a lot more from face to face interactions.I know there are probably many groups out there that are inclusive and that the age listed is more of a suggested guide line. But being 28 im finding myself in the issue of my local groups pretty much being in two categories. Either youth groups advertising for people aged x-25 or mens groups focusing on men 35+.Am I just not finding the relevant groups for me or is there a support group void in my age bracket?Just for some basic background information, im dealing with Anxiety and Depression for over 5 years. Im sure its more complicated then that but those seems to be the two categories people tend to separate them into. Im gay, which has nothing to do with my depression but im sure is a factor when looking for a group nevertheless. Im also looking for some place relativity close as I don't drive and am unemployed atm. My biggest fear with the groups I have seen so far are that I feel like I wont connect with these people and will feel misplaced.Thanks for the advice.Ps: I saw there is a number to call for advice ( 1300 22 4636 ) which I plan to call but was hoping for some forum advice. Thanks again.

Billy7 Depression, Bullying, Harassment, Sexuality
  • replies: 17

Hi Guys, This is my first post & not really sure where to start? I guess I'm looking for some support & guidance. I suffer from depression with anxiety. I had a breakdown a year & a bit ago, it was a slow build up of pressures, loss of a few close fa... View more

Hi Guys, This is my first post & not really sure where to start? I guess I'm looking for some support & guidance. I suffer from depression with anxiety. I had a breakdown a year & a bit ago, it was a slow build up of pressures, loss of a few close family members, bullying & harassment (sexuality), stressful & long working hours, death threat from customer & what topped it off was being threatened with a tazer by another colleague. Jumping forward I finally got a new job, started taking my antidepressants as soon as I had the first phone interview as I was not coping with the negative self talk. I managed to make it through the first day with much anxiety, (to be expected). Being a similar industry that I had worked in it turns out that my new colleague used to work with someone from my old work, added to that the boys club mentality it took me right back to my breakdown. Hence to say I did not return the next day. I'm so tired of all the pain & suffering, just done. It shouldn't be this hard! I have isolated & pushed people away, I don't know what else to say or what to expect? XXX

Gruffudd Apologising for the old anti-gay laws.
  • replies: 5

I dont know about the rest of you but for me hearing an apology for the old anti-gay laws is rather a big thing. I remember the end of those laws in the 1980's and just how awful and demeaning the discussion was. I was a child and figuring out how I ... View more

I dont know about the rest of you but for me hearing an apology for the old anti-gay laws is rather a big thing. I remember the end of those laws in the 1980's and just how awful and demeaning the discussion was. I was a child and figuring out how I fitted into the world, that was the world I knew. How far we have come since then. The premier is even supporting marriage. Then I still think there is room for things to improve. Until LGBTI people are no longer subjected to violence, harassment, and bullying, the work isn't done. This is an important step in recognising the treatment of gay men to have been wrong, but in this lets not forget the treatment of our trans sisters and brothers and our lesbian friends, both groups have been there with us all the way through the struggle for equality - gay men would not be being apologised to without the rest of the community. This gives me hope for the future of our young people, I want them to never worry about some of the stuff I have had to deal with. And for Victoria, it makes it feel like it is the place to be. Rob.

Jack184 I'm confused, and it's not helping my mental health
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, My name's Jack, I'm 14, and it seems like I have Asperger's syndrome, mental illness, and some slightly fuzzy gender identity and sexuality forming three corners of the same triangle. Lately, I've pretty much started to identify as somet... View more

Hi everyone, My name's Jack, I'm 14, and it seems like I have Asperger's syndrome, mental illness, and some slightly fuzzy gender identity and sexuality forming three corners of the same triangle. Lately, I've pretty much started to identify as something along the lines of an agender demisexual - still figuring it out a bit, but that's the best I've found so far. I've also had what I think might be lifelong dysthymia develop into depression recently, not so much as a result of this stuff, but it's not helping. Asperger's has something of a tendency to make life a struggle, as well as one of its core features being that you don't conform to social norms, gender or otherwise. I guess I've never felt masculine, but didn't pay that much attention to it until I discovered the non-binary world, which resonated with me immediately. I'm just really confused by the whole thing. I feel lonely and forced to conform as it is without having all this on top of it. Although some of my friends are sort of non-binary as well. I've actually had one of them say that she identifies as agender, although it's not a big deal with her (I'll go with that pronoun for now). There's another who doesn't really seem to pay much attention to gender identity, but isn't girly, has short hair, wears "boy" clothes, and sort of just does whatever she feels like without paying attention to gender norms. I sort of tend to feel mostly like a girl, but then I think of (forgive me if I'm stereotyping) gossip, fashion, makeup, Taylor Swift, etc., and I think... maybe not. Although I feel no less out of place with boys, which, I can tell you, when you're can't work in teams, have no hand-eye coordination, aren't interested in sport at all, and are agender, makes gender split PE classes at school... painful. Then there's whole thing with being demisexual. I guess I seem a bit less obsessed with sex and boyfriend/girlfriends stuff than a lot of people my age. I wonder if part of it stems from a bad experience with a first crush. We were never in a relationship, but everyone found out I liked her, people gave me a really hard time about it, I still feel guilty about making things hard for her, and I'm now scared of falling in love, plus I don't trust people anymore. To me emotional connection and personality is way more important than looks. Any suggestions? I don't know who I am, what to do, or how to cope with this in the midst of everything else going on in my head right now. Jack

mindmass Whenever homosexuality is mentioned in my household my parents are quick to discriminate
  • replies: 5

I've always had these weird kinda-gay feelings for people of my same gender, but also to the opposite gender and I am kinda confused, I know I must be bisexual or pansexual I'm so scared and I don't know. My identity isn't the problem, it's just when... View more

I've always had these weird kinda-gay feelings for people of my same gender, but also to the opposite gender and I am kinda confused, I know I must be bisexual or pansexual I'm so scared and I don't know. My identity isn't the problem, it's just whenever homosexuality is mentioned in my household my parents are quick to discriminate and preach hate and I'm just so far back in the closet. I love them, but how can I be myself in later life if they are going to disown me? I don't want to do the whole 'if they accept you great, if they don't you don't need them' thing because I love them, but they openly hate and believe in harsh penalties for people like me. They are Catholic, and I go to a Catholic school so there it has been strictly antigay forever. I just want this to stop, there are people at school who have called me awful things and I'm just sick of it. I've self harmed once before and I think about it a lot but it's not taking any pain away? I don't want to lose my parents and friends and community.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Paul Bi folks - Double life or good balance?
  • replies: 8

I wonder if Bi folks, whether out or not, feel like it's a double life or whether there is a balance that has been found or whether there's just no issue. I'm interested to learn of your experiences and how you've overcome any difficulties. Paul View more

I wonder if Bi folks, whether out or not, feel like it's a double life or whether there is a balance that has been found or whether there's just no issue. I'm interested to learn of your experiences and how you've overcome any difficulties. Paul

Paul Does body image control you?
  • replies: 4

Hi All, Does the way you perceive your body control how you feel about others and what you think they think about you? Does your body image have an effect on how you feel you fit into society? Of course, for trans people I can imagine this is a huge ... View more

Hi All, Does the way you perceive your body control how you feel about others and what you think they think about you? Does your body image have an effect on how you feel you fit into society? Of course, for trans people I can imagine this is a huge factor in almost every step in the journey to aligning physicality with gender identity. What are your thoughts and experiences? Paul

Find_Your_Feet I want to be me
  • replies: 3

Hey all In the past couple of months I've been questioning myself and why I deliberately set out to ruin my straight relationships. I broke up with my boyfriend before Christmas due to these feelings. I think I'm a lesbian. And to be honest so many t... View more

Hey all In the past couple of months I've been questioning myself and why I deliberately set out to ruin my straight relationships. I broke up with my boyfriend before Christmas due to these feelings. I think I'm a lesbian. And to be honest so many times throughout my life my friends and family have asked me if I am due to my lack of interest in relationships and I guess to an extent my behaviours. I have very male orientated jobs, I play male orientated sports and I actually know quite a lot of lesbian women and have no issues hanging out with them. I guess I was too stubborn, I didn't want people to tell me who I was and I've done all I can to be what is socially acceptable although whilst doing that I have made myself unhappy. I'm annoyed with myself that I didnt identify as being lesbian in high school because I feel I've made things harder for myself now being 27 having to explain myself to my friends and family and honestly this is causing me a great deal of anxiety and stress. I don't want to lose friends over it because they're either uncomfortable or feel like I've been lying to them this whole time. I didn't even know who I was. I have been with girls before and the more I think about it the more I recognise that they were more comfortable situations for me. It felt natural. When I've been with men I've had to force myself and tell myself that this is what I want. One of the girls I've been with is a friend who identifies as straight and I'm concerned when she finds out she will never talk to me again because she will think that I want to be with her which is not the case at all. But I do want to maintain that friendship with her. All my friends are starting to get married and start families and I don't want this to put me on the outer as I love all my friends but I want to start being the person I am meant to be and start living for myself. It's already taken 27 years! any suggestions this is sending me crazy!

marcus_c Anxious and in limbo with relationship
  • replies: 25

OK so here's my story... I've been seeing a guy for pretty close to a year now. We message each other everyday, we spend most of the weekend together, including sleepovers. I've met his closest friends, and some of his family. We are monogamous. He h... View more

OK so here's my story... I've been seeing a guy for pretty close to a year now. We message each other everyday, we spend most of the weekend together, including sleepovers. I've met his closest friends, and some of his family. We are monogamous. He holds my hand and expresses physical affection for me in public. Sounds great, right? But I'm anxious about the future of this relationship for a number of reasons: 1. He doesn't like to use the word 'boyfriend' or 'partner' when describing me. He describes our status as 'dating'. I've expressed discomfort at this, because of how casual it sounds, and his response is that he is uncomfortable with 'heteronormative' terms. 2. He is still in love with a former partner, who no longer lives in the country. They finished up probably a year before we met, and are still in contact. He has been up front about having these feelings (although he hasn't used the L word) and has no plans to move to be with him. He has said he always plans for this person to be in his life on some level. I have been in relationships before where the other person is really avoidant, and I end up being the one chasing. This doesn't feel like that, but it still seems to have some of those anxious elements that make my head spin: part of me says he doesn't want to commit, yet I can point to so many things about our relationship that are committed, more so than other relationships I've been in. When talking to him about feeling that I don't feel secure from one day to the next where we are at, he points to all of the stuff I wrote at the top saying he doesn't know what else he can do to make me see that we are on and I should just assume that things will continue as they are. I'm not so clingy that I expect to be moving in and getting married straightaway, but I would like this in the future. I don't know whether to hang around hoping our relationship will evolve, or whether to cut my losses before I get any deeper. I love this man, but I don't know if things will evolve from here. Am I being unreasonable?

Paul Gays and lesbians discriminate against bi, trans, intersex and non binary gendered people.
  • replies: 7

I think that we're losing our community spirit. I think that we're focusing on ourselves as just the gay people. I think we're fighting for rights for gays, not for our community as a whole. The community who is looked upon as sexually different. Any... View more

I think that we're losing our community spirit. I think that we're focusing on ourselves as just the gay people. I think we're fighting for rights for gays, not for our community as a whole. The community who is looked upon as sexually different. Anything or anyone that is not heterosexual or heteronormative is considered to be part of "that" group. That's what it was like 20 years ago. If you weren't straight, then you were over "there with them" We banded together as a community, Gay, Lesibian, Bi, Trans, Intersex, Queer, Poz. We all got together because we were put in the same boat. We rowed, and rowed, fought, bailed water and worked together. Now that being gay is become less confronting, us gays and lesbians are leaving our bi, trans, intersex queer and poz brothers and sisters behind. It's still too easy to think of being Bi as "he's just on his way out of the closet" Do us gays stop and think what it would be like to be Transgender? Knowing you are not what your physical sex indicates and the struggle happening inside yourself and within the world? What if you were intersex? How about the confusion and periods of adjustment? Think about not identifying as either gender and just being. Really think about it. Is your name applicable? What do people think? Do you have to think about everything you ever do so society isn't confused? What if you just love someone of any sex because of the person they are? HIV is a condition that requires ongoing management. What about the social stigma? How do you feel every time you meet someone new and the fear of telling them and them running away because they don't understand or misunderstand? How about people thinking that you are something dirty or someone "different" because it won't happen to you? Us gays and lesbians have a way to go for equality. Our BTIQ+ brothers and sisters are here to travel this road with us and always have been. It's time to stop and take notice of how we frame our thinking and digest the news and converse with friends. "We" means all of us! We all want equality. We all want to be recognised. We all want to be loved. We all want to love. We are all different and amazing. Here's one example of my whole point: "Gay Marriage" - we all know it means marriage equality. We just think that it's gays who want to marry too. Bi guy marrying his lover? Trans woman marrying her lover? non binary gendered female marrying her female lover? What are your thoughts community? Paul xx