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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Johnny_11 Just realised my dad is gay and thats why he hates me
  • replies: 8

yeah, just realised my dad is gay and thats why he's hated me my whole life because he saw it in me too. Years of emotional and physical abuse that have made me hate myself too. Now Ive created a life that everyone else wanted me to have with a wife ... View more

yeah, just realised my dad is gay and thats why he's hated me my whole life because he saw it in me too. Years of emotional and physical abuse that have made me hate myself too. Now Ive created a life that everyone else wanted me to have with a wife and family, and yet I feel lonely and hate myself. Recently Ive started self harming just to see what it would feel like. I do want to die. Ive been seeing 2 therapists each week for the past few months, they just keep bringing up more and more issues. My wifes coming soon, so I will have to put on a fake face to hide the emptiness inside.

emotionsickness Not really sure what to do from here
  • replies: 6

Hey guys. Just after some advice. I am 39 years old, I have always identified as a lesbian. I was never really interested in guys, and I have always had sex / relationships with women. I still love women but I have been a little curious of late. I wa... View more

Hey guys. Just after some advice. I am 39 years old, I have always identified as a lesbian. I was never really interested in guys, and I have always had sex / relationships with women. I still love women but I have been a little curious of late. I want to sleep with a guy. I am not sure how to go about doing this as it has never been some thing I have wanted to do. I just want to know what it is like. Do I tell the guy that it is my first time? I don't exactly want to get into a relationship or whatever. My two closest friends are very supportive but no one else knows. It's pretty confusing but I really want to do it.

Landon Gay was married came out and have 2 kids
  • replies: 8

Hi, i thought I’d share a little of my story it may help other men that are gay in heterosexual relationships. I recently came out after being married for just under 7 years. I have 2 kids under 6. The last 12 months have been tough but I’m so glad I... View more

Hi, i thought I’d share a little of my story it may help other men that are gay in heterosexual relationships. I recently came out after being married for just under 7 years. I have 2 kids under 6. The last 12 months have been tough but I’m so glad I decided to come out. Without doubt it was the hardest thing I have ever done. The thought of hurting the 3 people that I loved most in the entire world haunted me for several years before taking the plunge. However, looking back, I’m so glad I did. Things are working out better than I had ever imagined. Sure, it wasn’t all roses, it was really hard and at many times I felt lost and confused. Yet, when you break it all down into bite sized peices, step by step, it becomes much clearer. Once you seek some professional advice and work up the courage to ask for help and seek answers to the “at the time” frightening questions you want answered, it does become easier. Feel fee to ask me any questions that you have. I may be able to help. Regards, Landon.

E9L9S9 I'm so tired of being confused
  • replies: 5

I'm mid forties and I've only ever been with men, lots of them. But very unhappily. I've fantasised about women since high school. Yet I put the brakes on every time I feel an emotion for a woman. I squash it down deep and keep pursuing men. I like m... View more

I'm mid forties and I've only ever been with men, lots of them. But very unhappily. I've fantasised about women since high school. Yet I put the brakes on every time I feel an emotion for a woman. I squash it down deep and keep pursuing men. I like men, I flirt with men. I just don't let my deeper self show. I'm so scared of making a fool of myself or being judged. Everyone knows I have questioned my sexuality including my family and close friends. I talk about it all the time and do nothing. I went on one date with a woman, and she was really angry and I ended the date fairly quickly. I'm not angry anymore and don't want to be around anger. I have had serious mental health issues and all associated with identity and being a good girl, not disappointing, not expressing myself, catching my words in my throat before they come out. I've had enough. I feel even if I was with a woman I wouldn't have my answer, but because I don't give myself the opportunity to be open to it, I won't let myself try it. Even as I write this I feel alienated from the words. Sometimes I just think I am scared of men but am straight. I've never been sexually assaulted or physically hurt by a man, I just feel inferior and tired with them. I have no idea what this all means. Any words of help are most welcome.

108 Help, Christian but gay....
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, So I'm 17 years old, Christian but gay.....I've rejected this for a very long time because I guess I knew the collision with my religion would cause alot of issues. I finally confronted my sexuality early last year, and haven't told a... View more

Hello everyone, So I'm 17 years old, Christian but gay.....I've rejected this for a very long time because I guess I knew the collision with my religion would cause alot of issues. I finally confronted my sexuality early last year, and haven't told anyone for a few reasons, 1) My family is also Christian so I don't know how they will react, and I know there viewpoint about it 2) I take Christianity seriously so I've found it hard in general. I became depressed and my life started to fall apart in a downward spiral, and I found it hard to do the basic things, and I was becoming more sad as time progressed. I had alot of fear and have been worried many times, it even affecting my daily life. I've lied about my sexuality many times as the fear was just too great. I've tried to "fix" myself, through praying etc but I still find myself the same. Thanks for reading this.

SensibleSummer Recently split up, unsure how to start all over again
  • replies: 20

Hi, I’ve recently broken up with my ex partner. Well he broke up with me and without giving too much details I took full responsibility for what happened. We had been together for more than 10yrs. I’m a 40yo male. I’m feeling sad and also unsure how ... View more

Hi, I’ve recently broken up with my ex partner. Well he broke up with me and without giving too much details I took full responsibility for what happened. We had been together for more than 10yrs. I’m a 40yo male. I’m feeling sad and also unsure how to start everything all over again. I don’t have many friends and I don’t know where to meet other people to make friends. I’m not a very social person. I know Grindr is popular but I’m not sure if people go there to make friends. Been in a relationship for so long I guess I was kinda feeling too comfortable to just spend most of times with my ex partner. And yes, it hurts knowing that I wouldn’t be able to spend the rest of my life with him but I wanted him to be happy. Also being at certain age (40) I don’t think it would be easy to find a new partner and have a long term relationship.

ChrissyStar Considering leaving my boyfriend, for a woman.
  • replies: 4

I am in a sexless relationship of +5yrs. It used to depress me in a major way as sex was a way I kept my happy biochemicals topped up. I have since passed through this and found other ways to balance my biochemicals. However, I am increasingly findin... View more

I am in a sexless relationship of +5yrs. It used to depress me in a major way as sex was a way I kept my happy biochemicals topped up. I have since passed through this and found other ways to balance my biochemicals. However, I am increasingly finding I fantasize about being with a woman. I even dream about it and wake up on cloud nine, as if I have just spent the night with a beautiful, soft, gentle, loving woman - experienced everything I crave in love making but don't get in my waking life. Should I act on this and join an online dating service for same sex relationships? Or should I try 'couples counselling' (even though I hardly think talking is going to help, because attraction is a physical thing - not a mental thing, right)?

Tyler96 Depressed and scared to tell anyone
  • replies: 4

So I'm 21 and as far back as grade 6 I knew I was gay, that was something I knew back then I had to hide and it made me distance myself from all my friends and my family. I was always alone throughout school thinking what if my friends found out i wa... View more

So I'm 21 and as far back as grade 6 I knew I was gay, that was something I knew back then I had to hide and it made me distance myself from all my friends and my family. I was always alone throughout school thinking what if my friends found out i was gay and didn't accept it, then they would hate me anyway, so why bother being friends at all. That thinking left me so lonely and sad that I cry almost everyday. I finally got up the courage to tell my family I was gay and they were accepting of it to my surprise, I thought that now it was out in the open I wouldn't be so depressed anymore. Within a week of coming out I was back to feeling tired, sad and empty all the time. Now I'm 21 and have no friends, no job, a family I barely talk to (even though i still live with them), and I don't know how to talk to anyone about the way I'm feeling. I can't afford help for myself and even if i could i don't think i could physically get the words out. I'm still crying myself to sleep, barely eating and never leaving the house. I'm scared this is going to ruin my life, but I just don't know what to do.

Cal1 Married with two Kids and Bi
  • replies: 15

Hi there, I suppose I’m just looking for some advice, I’m also using this to vent my thoughts and feelings because I feel as though I’m going to burst. I am 30 years old and have been married for 5 years and we have two amazing kids, a boy and a girl... View more

Hi there, I suppose I’m just looking for some advice, I’m also using this to vent my thoughts and feelings because I feel as though I’m going to burst. I am 30 years old and have been married for 5 years and we have two amazing kids, a boy and a girl who are 4 and 1 years old respectively. I am Bi and I have always known this since secondary school but have been ashamed to admit it to anyone, even myself. I think the reason for not coming out was due to my upbringing, my father was violent and always made derogatory comments about gay people. I was scared. I love my wife but I feel like our relationship has grown into more of a friendship. I adore my kids and i don’t know what to do. I gathered up the courage the night before last, heart was pounding, palms were sweaty and I told my aunty via messenger. She was really supportive but this is our secret. I don’t want to break my family up. I don’t want my wife to have to go and look for work to keep up the house. I want to see my kids all the time and not see them only a couple of times per week, I love our routines. I don’t want somebody else moving in and spending more time with them than me, their dad. I don’t want to upset anyone, I feel terrible. I don’t know what to do, whether to stay this way to keep my wife a kids happy. But now that I’ve accepted who I am, I also want to explore a life with men. I’m also stupid, to make things easier for myself, I set up a fake email account and emailed my wife pretending to me some interested fella in her, she did the honest thing and told me about it. I thought is she said she wanted to meet this fictional man then I would have an excuse to leave. I have also been chatting to men on Grindr and find it addictive and fuels the fire even more. I am my wife’s third husband, she is 15 years older than me. She’s settled down, I haven’t. I want more but enjoy the family life, the routine, the smiles on my kids faces. I’m lost my job in 2016 so aim doing a PhD now and if I left I can’t afford to live anywhere else, I know it’s a selfish thought but I’d have nowhere to go, my family would not be accepting of me but I can get over that. It’s my kids and what this will do to my wife that I’m worried about. Any advice, similar experience etc would really help. Thanks for listening. Also I’m new here and have mistakenly also put this post in the welcome and orientation part of the website and not sure how to remove it, sorry.

Karthik Married Gay guy with 2 kids
  • replies: 13

Hi All, After 14 years of marriage, I came out to my Mrs nearly a year ago. Have 13 years and 6.5years kids. It’s been hard year to live together with clashes time to time, no connection whatsoever between us like use to be. She’s still angry with me... View more

Hi All, After 14 years of marriage, I came out to my Mrs nearly a year ago. Have 13 years and 6.5years kids. It’s been hard year to live together with clashes time to time, no connection whatsoever between us like use to be. She’s still angry with me being myself. She expect me to live together and stop whatever I do as I was in the past. It makes me so hard even after I’m saying that I need to move on and live my life. She and her family thinks I’m so selfish fella and don’t care about her and kids. I do love my kids dearly but at the same time, I didn’t want to live a lie anymore. She kept saying I’m the whole world to her and she cannot do anything else without me. It makes it so hard to tear apart from her. I am in a situation like i came out from the closet but forced to go back to closet now. Not sure if this is any healthy for my mental health if this continues. Please advise on this what can I do? Thx

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