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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Paul Coming out
  • replies: 10

My mantra has always been. I'll come out to those people who are important and close to me, and no one else matters. My belief is that this covers most situations for accidental coming out or people telling stories. "Important and close to me" in the... View more

My mantra has always been. I'll come out to those people who are important and close to me, and no one else matters. My belief is that this covers most situations for accidental coming out or people telling stories. "Important and close to me" in the past has included my employers. What does everyone else think and do you have a disclosure rulebook? By coming out I mean not just "I'm gay" it could be coming out as trans or intersex, it could be disclosing your status concerning an STI. Paul

Grazee THAT DAMN PLEBISITE
  • replies: 32

I was angry to read that the same sex marriage Plebiscite was going to be held early next year. Even if it's passed being a Plebiscite doesn't make it law. What I'm concerned about is it NOT being passed. We all know the history of Australian Referen... View more

I was angry to read that the same sex marriage Plebiscite was going to be held early next year. Even if it's passed being a Plebiscite doesn't make it law. What I'm concerned about is it NOT being passed. We all know the history of Australian Referendums . . . the NO vote usually wins. So does a NO vote mean that Gay Marriage will NEVER be accepted in Australia. I suspect that we , I mean we, have more to lose by this vote; even if passed it won't be legal and if rejected we will never have Gay Marriage legalized. I don't know whether to vote YES ; vote in formal as a protest ; or just not vote at all. Anybody got some ideas??

Nickname_B9325C54-55DC-46 MY STORY: CHRISTIAN + ASIAN + POOR RELATIONSHIP WITH FATHER = GAY..?
  • replies: 2

I feel that I've hit something of a double whammy in life. I've been born into two cultures that frown heavily upon homosexuality. You see, I'm born into a fairly conservative Asian & Christian family. As a male, goals in life are generally limited t... View more

I feel that I've hit something of a double whammy in life. I've been born into two cultures that frown heavily upon homosexuality. You see, I'm born into a fairly conservative Asian & Christian family. As a male, goals in life are generally limited to finding a well-paid job through which you can support a wife and children. You can only imagine the pressure under which I've been... I discovered really early on that I was gay (my desires for other boys started in primary school). At the time these feelings never bothered me, thinking that I'd grow out of them. I had really really hoped that these feelings would go away, as part of puberty/growing up. But they didn't. Now at the ripe old age of 25, I am still definitely gay. None of the praying or hoping seemed to have work. Most guys my age have already dated plenty of girls with some having progressed to marriage and kids. I'm pretty sure that many people in my life have assumed/guessed that I am gay. The signs are pretty clear. I haven't been on a single date of any kind. I haven't told a single soul about the true state of my sexuality, out of shame and embarrassment. Methods of coping that I've tried include: alcohol and preoccupying my life with activity/obligations so that distract my mind. As a side note, I still think there is a God out there, but still have so many questions as to why I am made the way I am. I've also become a total social recluse (deleted Facebook and stopped contacting friends), because it pains me so much to see everyone in life enjoying happiness from finding 'normal' love. Thinking about why I've turned out gay, I've got a pretty standard and typical answers: I basically have no relationship/communication with my father. I've come to realise that he was emotionally and physically abuse when I was a child. To this day, I can't even endure being in the same room as him for too long. I connect much more naturally with my mother, sister and grandmother (I have no brothers). I want nothing more than to blend in and be normal (ie to go thru life as a heterosexual person with kids etc). The idea of being the "weird gay one" terrifies me. I'd like to know whether anyone here has found themselves in a similar situation? How did you cope? What did you do?

Grazee AFL and GAY PRIDE
  • replies: 5

Last Saturday night I sat in front of my TV manfully trying to stem a flow of tears. I was watching the preliminaries to the Aussie Rules footy match between Saint Kilda and the Sydney Swans. Now I suspect most of you out there are not fans of Austra... View more

Last Saturday night I sat in front of my TV manfully trying to stem a flow of tears. I was watching the preliminaries to the Aussie Rules footy match between Saint Kilda and the Sydney Swans. Now I suspect most of you out there are not fans of Australian football but this match and this night was special . . . . very special. As a theme it celebrated Gay Pride.Fans were seen wearing rainbow scarves and the 50 meter arcs were adorned with rainbow colors. Testimonials were given by popular footy starts as to the need for acceptance of gay people. Leading these testimonials was a young man, Jason Ball who just last year had 'outed' himself as a gay footy player. Also in the forefront was Tynon Winmar who played for Saint Kilda and whose further claim to fame was being the son of Nicky Winmar who in the late 1990's declared his pride at being an aborigine. Now he was there supporting his gay son. There was verbal acknowledgement that gay people were major sufferers of Depression and had a high incidence of suicide. The match was held in Etihad Stadium where I had sat in past years flinching as fans yelled diatribes such as ' poofter'; ' queer'; 'faggot'; 'pansy 'and 'cock-sucker'; usually with some offensive description accompanying the insult. So, in many ways I must rejoice in the mere fact that such an event could have taken place. I wholeheartedly applaud both the Saint Kilda and Sydney Swans clubs for taking the stance that they have. To my knowledge they are the only major sporting clubs in Australia who have declared their abhorrence to Gay discrimination. I hope other clubs will follow suit in all sporting fields. But to me, I still feel the pain of yesteryears. I can still remember the awful feeling at hearing those words and the laughter that often followed. Usually, I would be sitting beside my son and his family. I know I must move on. I know I must forgive and forget . . . but I neither can nor will! Never!

Just Sara Support and forgiveness
  • replies: 59

After reading Chris B's post on using BB sexuality and gender resource suggestions instead of using this subsection of the forum to post, I tried the different sites without success. One of them came up as a 'risk of internet threat'. So I Googled an... View more

After reading Chris B's post on using BB sexuality and gender resource suggestions instead of using this subsection of the forum to post, I tried the different sites without success. One of them came up as a 'risk of internet threat'. So I Googled and found a sexuality test from the US and filled it out. My score for homosexuality really surprised me. I guess deep down I've known, but scary experiences have distanced me from my truth. So I'm back here to write my thoughts hoping for some support. I recently got onto a same sex dating site and added my profile. It took a lot of courage to do, but has sent me into a bit of a spin since contacting someone in my own town to talk with. They haven't replied and my confidence has taken a nose dive. This is such a daunting task and has triggered depressive thoughts and feelings. The other thing of concern, is someone on this site who was a huge source of support and advice in the past, doesn't have anything to do with me anymore. Their wisdom and beautiful words bought me through some awful times, and was an inspiration in helping me come out of my sexuality shell. I'd love for them to post here; they don't have to identify themselves as this person, but reconnecting with me would help enormously. I don't know what I wrote to deter them, but I'd like forgiveness if this is possible. Losing contact was like the loss of a dear friend. I just want to be happy and find love and companionship. This is a deeply emotional time; I don't have anyone to talk with about it and fear a relapse of symptoms may occur. I've become dependent on all the wonderful people in this community and this scares me too. Not having face to face conversation about the real me is wearing me down. Dizzy x

sparkvark Gender stuff
  • replies: 16

When I pay attention to what I actually want (rather than burying it behind what should be/must be/is), I want to look more like the 'opposite' gender. I have kind of wanted this for quite some time, but it wasn't a tangible thought until a couple of... View more

When I pay attention to what I actually want (rather than burying it behind what should be/must be/is), I want to look more like the 'opposite' gender. I have kind of wanted this for quite some time, but it wasn't a tangible thought until a couple of years ago when I found out that trans was actually a real thing that real people could be. Having spent a bit of time exploring that thought, I don't think I need to take medical steps to be ok. I certainly couldn't deal with the social or career consequences it would have if I were to come out as trans (even non-binary). I'm not 100% sure where that puts me. The best I can do is to be 'out' to myself (as what???) and wear the clothes I want to wear under circumstances where it won't cause contention with anyone else. But that's not quite enough, because during those times I want to be able to "pass" to myself. Except it's impossible to do that, especially without changes that other people can notice. It might be impossible altogether even if I needed to medically transition. My stupid face is just all kinds of wrong for anything even if I can convince myself the clothes are looking ok and are hiding the body stuff. I just don't know what I need to do to feel normal.

EMT stuck in a identity rut discussed for the first time
  • replies: 13

Hello everyone. I have a story to tell and its a long one. For insight I'm a single parent, no true emotional support and no legitimate friends. Yesterday I spend 6 hours driving around to all the known beats in brisbane looking for sex. When I FINAL... View more

Hello everyone. I have a story to tell and its a long one. For insight I'm a single parent, no true emotional support and no legitimate friends. Yesterday I spend 6 hours driving around to all the known beats in brisbane looking for sex. When I FINALLY gave up and drove home I found myself in a state of depression, again. As usual my emotions were in conflict with my logic and my core values were scrutinized like I was sifting through rubble and ash looking for anything salvageable or of value to me to hold onto, to identity with. I work hard each day to at least feel "normal" and I know full well with each action, thought, behavior and words what I'm trying to find is authentic self.I'm tired, bored, alone, afraid and most certainly lost and for the first time ever I've realize how precious and short life is not to be true to yourself. Question is I feel marooned alone on a desolate island surrounded by shark infested water thinking I have the potential to find a way off but I can't figure out how. I'm in need of guidance to shift my thinking out of this rut, this wasted rut. thanks for reading.

Alec Am I transgender? confusion with gender? FTM? Non-binary?
  • replies: 4

I really want to be a boy, im not sure if this makes me trans it just seems so farfetched how could i be transgender.I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, i get dysphoria but i don't always have dysphoria but the... View more

I really want to be a boy, im not sure if this makes me trans it just seems so farfetched how could i be transgender.I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, i get dysphoria but i don't always have dysphoria but then i feel worried about where the dysphoria went and im afraid im making myself feel or think this? It has been on my mind 24/7 for months and im still confused. I see my school councillor and she said she sees no signs that this is the wrong path for me I have wanted to be a boy for years, it started as a casual 'i wish i was a guy' and the older i have gotten the more instant the thought has become, now im jealous of guys FTMs and all other male identifying individuals i have dysphoria about my chest i always saw my boobs as useless lumps of fat and the older i get and the more i think about me being trans the more uncomfortable i become with them sometimes i cant touch them without feeling nauseous, if i can feel them there i dont like it. the thought of having sex as female makes me uncomfortable and disappointed and i hate being 'girly' there is nothing feminine about me besides my body, i never fit in as girl, i hate dresses they just seem 'wrong' when i see myself in them. i have experimented with my gender since questioning i have bound my chest, packed, been more masculine, none of this seems wrong the more i do it more i want to do it more and all the time, i hate being called lady and woman and i hate when people say you will make a good wife, and the thought of being pregnant and giving birth to a kid makes me feel wrong and uncomfortable. since i have started thinking i might be trans my dysphoria has gotten so much worse i didn't used to get genital dysphoria but now i do i realise that i will never actually be fully male i will never be 100% biologically male i dont want to be trans i just want to be a cis guy.i used to be fine with people saying she/ her but now it just pisses me off and i like getting mistaken as a boy or if some says u look like a boy i feel happy and proud. every time i start to think of myself as male or think maybe i am trans and maybe i am a boy i think about my body and the way people see me and i realise that im a girl, i feel like im just faking it in some way like i have somehow convinced myself to feel a certain way iv even told some family some accept it some dont and im considering transisting at school but im afraid of being wrong.

Reaperbird Gender Questions
  • replies: 20

Okay so I'm 25 and identify as agender (genderqueer/non gender/non binary). Instead of going in to detail I just want to post some questions and if any you have any answers I'd really appreciate it. So uh, here goes: 1) Who do I talk to about gender ... View more

Okay so I'm 25 and identify as agender (genderqueer/non gender/non binary). Instead of going in to detail I just want to post some questions and if any you have any answers I'd really appreciate it. So uh, here goes: 1) Who do I talk to about gender transitioning? Things like hormones, surgery, etc. (I already asked my doctor, but she was no help.) 2) How do I 'come out' when I have such high social anxiety? I don't need to tell everyone I'm trans or anything, but even asking people to use my preferred name is really embarrassing. I feel scared people will judge me or ask why. Does anyone else get nervous about this stuff? 3) Is it hard to get your name legally changed? Will I be accepted? 4) I don't identify as male or female, and have mixed emotions about who I am and who I want to be. Are there any support services I can talk to about it? (I might add, I'm from a small rural town.) 5) I often feel like a "fake" because I'm never certain about my gender, is this normal? Thanks for reading!

Greg4 Married and gay tendancy
  • replies: 12

Just hoping for some advice. I've been married nearly 30 years and just 6 months ago my wife discovered my secret. I believe I'm happily married, but the hurt I've caused my wife is tearing me apart. I've got three adult children who are unaware. My ... View more

Just hoping for some advice. I've been married nearly 30 years and just 6 months ago my wife discovered my secret. I believe I'm happily married, but the hurt I've caused my wife is tearing me apart. I've got three adult children who are unaware. My wife has told a few friends on the quiet and I'm glad she has as she has needed their support. I want to remain with my wife and no longer have any extra activities. I just have trouble coping with her 'down days'. Her days being caused by my previous activities. I've had depression as long as I can remember, no longer taking any medication. Do other people live like this? Has anyone any hints for coping?