Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Recently split up, unsure how to start all over again

replies: 20

Hi, I’ve recently broken up with my ex partner. Well he broke up with me and without giving too much details I took full responsibility for what happened. We had been together for more than 10yrs. I’m a 40yo male. I’m feeling sad and also unsure how to start everything all over again. I don’t have many friends and I don’t know where to meet other people to make friends. I’m not a very social person. I know Grindr is popular but I’m not sure if people go there to make friends. Been in a relationship for so long I guess I was kinda feeling too comfortable to just spend most of times with my ex partner. And yes, it hurts knowing that I wouldn’t be able to spend the rest of my life with him but I wanted him to be happy. Also being at certain age (40) I don’t think it would be easy to find a new partner and have a long term relationship.

Considering leaving my boyfriend, for a woman.

replies: 4

I am in a sexless relationship of +5yrs. It used to depress me in a major way as sex was a way I kept my happy biochemicals topped up. I have since passed through this and found other ways to balance my biochemicals. However, I am increasingly finding I fantasize about being with a woman. I even dream about it and wake up on cloud nine, as if I have just spent the night with a beautiful, soft, gentle, loving woman - experienced everything I crave in love making but don't get in my waking life. Should I act on this and join an online dating service for same sex relationships? Or should I try 'couples counselling' (even though I hardly think talking is going to help, because attraction is a physical thing - not a mental thing, right)?

Depressed and scared to tell anyone

replies: 4

So I'm 21 and as far back as grade 6 I knew I was gay, that was something I knew back then I had to hide and it made me distance myself from all my friends and my family. I was always alone throughout school thinking what if my friends found out i was gay and didn't accept it, then they would hate me anyway, so why bother being friends at all. That thinking left me so lonely and sad that I cry almost everyday. I finally got up the courage to tell my family I was gay and they were accepting of it to my surprise, I thought that now it was out in the open I wouldn't be so depressed anymore. Within a week of coming out I was back to feeling tired, sad and empty all the time. Now I'm 21 and have no friends, no job, a family I barely talk to (even though i still live with them), and I don't know how to talk to anyone about the way I'm feeling. I can't afford help for myself and even if i could i don't think i could physically get the words out. I'm still crying myself to sleep, barely eating and never leaving the house. I'm scared this is going to ruin my life, but I just don't know what to do.

Married with two Kids and Bi

replies: 15

Hi there, I suppose I’m just looking for some advice, I’m also using this to vent my thoughts and feelings because I feel as though I’m going to burst. I am 30 years old and have been married for 5 years and we have two amazing kids, a boy and a girl who are 4 and 1 years old respectively. I am Bi and I have always known this since secondary school but have been ashamed to admit it to anyone, even myself. I think the reason for not coming out was due to my upbringing, my father was violent and always made derogatory comments about gay people. I was scared. I love my wife but I feel like our relationship has grown into more of a friendship. I adore my kids and i don’t know what to do. I gathered up the courage the night before last, heart was pounding, palms were sweaty and I told my aunty via messenger. She was really supportive but this is our secret. I don’t want to break my family up. I don’t want my wife to have to go and look for work to keep up the house. I want to see my kids all the time and not see them only a couple of times per week, I love our routines. I don’t want somebody else moving in and spending more time with them than me, their dad. I don’t want to upset anyone, I feel terrible. I don’t know what to do, whether to stay this way to keep my wife a kids happy. But now that I’ve accepted who I am, I also want to explore a life with men. I’m also stupid, to make things easier for myself, I set up a fake email account and emailed my wife pretending to me some interested fella in her, she did the honest thing and told me about it. I thought is she said she wanted to meet this fictional man then I would have an excuse to leave. I have also been chatting to men on Grindr and find it addictive and fuels the fire even more. I am my wife’s third husband, she is 15 years older than me. She’s settled down, I haven’t. I want more but enjoy the family life, the routine, the smiles on my kids faces. I’m lost my job in 2016 so aim doing a PhD now and if I left I can’t afford to live anywhere else, I know it’s a selfish thought but I’d have nowhere to go, my family would not be accepting of me but I can get over that. It’s my kids and what this will do to my wife that I’m worried about. Any advice, similar experience etc would really help. Thanks for listening. Also I’m new here and have mistakenly also put this post in the welcome and orientation part of the website and not sure how to remove it, sorry.

Married Gay guy with 2 kids

replies: 13

Hi All, After 14 years of marriage, I came out to my Mrs nearly a year ago. Have 13 years and 6.5years kids. It’s been hard year to live together with clashes time to time, no connection whatsoever between us like use to be. She’s still angry with me being myself. She expect me to live together and stop whatever I do as I was in the past. It makes me so hard even after I’m saying that I need to move on and live my life. She and her family thinks I’m so selfish fella and don’t care about her and kids. I do love my kids dearly but at the same time, I didn’t want to live a lie anymore. She kept saying I’m the whole world to her and she cannot do anything else without me. It makes it so hard to tear apart from her. I am in a situation like i came out from the closet but forced to go back to closet now. Not sure if this is any healthy for my mental health if this continues. Please advise on this what can I do? Thx

When do you tell people?

replies: 3

I have been out for going on 16 years now and I still struggle with this. Generally I feel that I will tell people about my sexuality when it becomes relevant. I.e. if they hit on me or if I want to hit on them. But it does leave me in some weird situations. I am 90% sure that the people I work with don't realise I am gay, we spend 40 - 50 hours a week together and are otherwise a pretty tight nit team, but it never really comes up. On one hand it isn't relevant at work, on the other it sometimes feels like I am hiding from them, even though I do answer questions honestly. However bringing it up seems forced and awkward. What do you think when do you tell people?

Lesbian?, Christian, clingy, conflicted

replies: 4

Hi. I'm a woman in my 30s. Mostly since I was 12 I have felt attracted to older women, but it's sort of mixed up with a feeling of wanting to be taken care of which seems childish of me and makes me question if I'm gay or just have a personality issue. I also have alienated good friends by becoming needy and clingy because I was lonely and confused, and because of that now I'm paranoid about being abandoned which makes the clingyness worse. I've never been in a romantic relationship with anyone. I have this belief that God will punish me if I pursue a romantic relationship with a woman. I've had people tell me that's not true but the belief is really entrenched and I can't shake it. A lot of my church friends think it's wrong to be in a lesbian relationship. And my non-church friends tell me that's ridiculous just don't think that way and do what you want. But the fear of punishment and the conflict I feel doesn't go away. I'm unhappy and don't like who I am and I don't like that I wear out my friends by being needy and overly sensitive. My psychologist doesn't seem to understand how real the religious fears are for me. She says I have GAD but I can't help thinking that maybe there's more to it, because of all the problems I've had in my friendships and how I read into everything they do that maybe they hate me, and my reaction is always over-the-top which causes them to actually get mad if they weren't to begin with. Also now I have a crush on my boss who is married which makes me hypersensitive to everything she says and makes it difficult to concentrate at work. Thanks for reading.

My family disowned me because I'm gay

replies: 5

I'm a new member here but quite young and joined because of a couple of issues that I hoped you guys could help out with. I've recently come out to my family as gay/lesbian and they reacted quite badly. My sister has called me names, my mum has stopped talking to me and my dad doesn't accept it. They aren't Christian or anything, and I'm sure they migh be in shock but their reactions are affecting me quite a bit. I also have severe depression and these reactions are affecting it. The depression hasn't been as bad these past few days, because I was happy with my life, having a girlfriend and everything, but coming out to my family and them reacting bad has affected it. Any tips to help out?

safe alcohol treatment rehabs

replies: 1

Hey all, I haven't been here in a while. Glad this forum is still open. I've been trying to get a grip on my drinking for months and starting to despair. My friends and partner are all pushing me to do something about it but I'm worried that rehabs won't be good places for a trans person. (Also worried about costs and other things). Just thought I would ask here if anyone who is trans or gender diverse has experience with rehabs (I'm in Melb) and how you found them? Thanks, Rayne

So what am i,,?

replies: 23

Hi all. Im a single 42yr male..always felt different never fit in,self harm and drug abuse have been the norm for me.I never could relate to females in the sexual sense but always found em to be good friends..i could never sleep with any till the age of 26 and that was purely cause the woman knew i was struggling..im an average looking fella i keep in shape am no brad pitt but not half bad..all my life both gay and straight men and women keep asking if im gay.why do they always ask me this do they see sumthn i dont..,? I have found i find beutiful people attractive not necesarilly either..i do find men attractive but could neva find a way to be with a guy either.i would always find myself walking out of the room b4 any thing could happen btween either girl or guy.like i said i neva had sex till i was 26yrs.i have no kids nor friends as most have gone there own way but i have always been a shy person and awkward around people.but am pretty sure i have a gay preference,,so whats wrong with me,?? im fine physically but up stairs just blocks me from bing with any1..im a good person i think..so why am i so isolated,,?

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Recently split up, unsure how to start all over again replies: 20

Considering leaving my boyfriend, for a woman. replies: 4

Depressed and scared to tell anyone replies: 4

Married with two Kids and Bi replies: 15

Married Gay guy with 2 kids replies: 13

When do you tell people? replies: 3

Lesbian?, Christian, clingy, conflicted replies: 4

My family disowned me because I'm gay replies: 5

safe alcohol treatment rehabs replies: 1

So what am i,,? replies: 23