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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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mary54321 My homophobic parents will never love me again
  • replies: 3

I’m 18 and I’m bi (I think?) I’ve always found girls just as attractive as guys. And for the past few years have found my self wondering why I was only allowed to date guys. I mean if a person is nice and I love them - I want to be with that person -... View more

I’m 18 and I’m bi (I think?) I’ve always found girls just as attractive as guys. And for the past few years have found my self wondering why I was only allowed to date guys. I mean if a person is nice and I love them - I want to be with that person - no matter their gender. I have told 2 friends about this and don’t plan on telling any more any time soon. My parents are very traditional and Christian and have made it very clear since I was a kid what their stance was on homosexuality. They will always comment negatively whenever it is brought up. If they found out about me - I’m scared of what the might do/ say, they will never accept me. I am torn, I love them - but because of them I feel disgusted with myself and live in fear of what other people are going to think of me. How will I ever be able to be myself and love who I want to if I am constantly going to be suffocated by my parents. I can’t escape them.

Donte LGBTIQ+ film recommendation needed for community event screening to tackle stigma, discrimination, marginalization and victimization and equal rights.
  • replies: 5

Hello everyone, I work on one of the non-for-profit Greek welfare organizations in Melbourne and I am currently involved on an LGBTIQ+ project for the Greek community in collaboration with Queerspace and Greek and Gay support network. The project is ... View more

Hello everyone, I work on one of the non-for-profit Greek welfare organizations in Melbourne and I am currently involved on an LGBTIQ+ project for the Greek community in collaboration with Queerspace and Greek and Gay support network. The project is called Skepsi (Thought), and offers mental health service for LGBTIQ+ Greek people and their families. The Skepsi project follows on from last year’s LGBTIQ+ project “Starting the Conversation”, also funded by DHHS, which aimed to raise awareness about LGBTIQ+ issues in the Greek community. The “Starting the Conversation” project identified importance of community education and the need to continue to raise awareness about LGBTIQ+ issues and to advocate for the mental health well being needs of the Australian-Greek LGBTIQ+ community and their families. In addition, the project highlighted the importance of open communication and safe relationships as tools to acceptance, inclusion and security for the LGBTIQ+ Greek community and their families. I would like to ask if someone could please recommend an appropriate LGBTIQ+ film which we can screen in a large community event in September. I am trying to find a film that tackles discrimination, stigma, shame and the challenges and issues the LGBTIQ+ community is faced with. The film has to be appropriate for the general community and particularly elderly and families of culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds who may not have watched an LGBTIQ+ movie before. It also has to be appropriate for public screening in a Council venue. Any ideas? Please help. All recommendations will be considered. Thank you in advance. X

dodiddlyoh Getting really depressed over the thought I may be gay
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm not really sure who I can talk to that has had a similar experience to me that I could get an opinion from so this may be the only place. So my sister asked me whether I was gay one night over the phone which I said that I wasn't but later th... View more

Hi, I'm not really sure who I can talk to that has had a similar experience to me that I could get an opinion from so this may be the only place. So my sister asked me whether I was gay one night over the phone which I said that I wasn't but later that night I got high with my roomate and thought about it with him and like that there was this explosion of a sexual urge. It happened again when I got high as well about this other guy that was a friend of my one of my roomates who is gay. The problem is that there is like this passive urge around that I feel which makes me depressed all the time that I feel it which is alot. Now for some background I have always romantically been interested in woman when I was young but way too shy to go after them and realizing that I couldnt really go after any i liked I did get depressed a little and very isolated became a recluse. I was always anxious about not having a girlfriend but just put it off. I lost my virginity at 24 with a girl i didnt even like physically or emotionally and the next few girls were no different. I have lost my sex drive quite a while ago and am just left with these uneasy urge which doesnt go away. Now i feel awkward around guys because maybe i like them now. Another big problem is alot of people think im gay which just makes me think maybe they can see something that i cant or dont want to. The worst thing is that I met a girl which would have been a younger me's fantasy but the sex wasnt that great just mechanical. One thing might be the fear of showing that i am a loser and not wanting to get rejected. I have only had one night stands but the sex has never been that great like i would have imaigined. I have thought about having sex with a man but I dont want to do it but am worried I could like it. Any thoughts

Neferata Transitioning at last
  • replies: 4

It's a feeling unlike anything else in the world to feel a different yet familiar person emerge from inside of you. Someone who has been kept locked away and hidden all my life is suddenly, tentatively, free to come out. She had always been looking f... View more

It's a feeling unlike anything else in the world to feel a different yet familiar person emerge from inside of you. Someone who has been kept locked away and hidden all my life is suddenly, tentatively, free to come out. She had always been looking for cracks to creep out of and touch something of significance. Things are moving quickly and I am extremely appreciative of my counsellor for the pace, next week begins the processes of blood tests, psychs and endochrinologists. I came out to one of my friends groups yesterday and they were extraordinary, so loving, supportive and very excited to help me learn to be a woman and to help me deal with a second puberty. I have another group of friends which deserve to be told and by happy coincidence we will all be at a friends birthday tomorrow. I have yet to tell my parents, I fear that my mother will want to be involved but I don't want her to be. She drove my sister away because she was too controlling and becoming my parents is the absolute last thing I want in the world. I fear that I'm not going to be able to communicate that well and my counsellor says the mother is an important figure but this isn't something I want to compromise over. My counsellor has given me homework: contemplating a new name. There are names I am fond of but I have no idea what my name actually is. Who am I? I throw around various names in my head but none of them feel quite right.The things I believe in, the virtues and values I hold dear and the injustices and inequalities which rile me into action are more what I am, not exactly who I am. Who I am, I don't quite know yet.

tinabay asexuality
  • replies: 1

Hi I just found put that my partner of 6 years has been informed by our GP that he may be asexual. I always knew we had a sex problem in our marriage and always talked about this with my hubby and was happy to seek help . He always reassured me that ... View more

Hi I just found put that my partner of 6 years has been informed by our GP that he may be asexual. I always knew we had a sex problem in our marriage and always talked about this with my hubby and was happy to seek help . He always reassured me that there wasn't anything wrong with me. The GP has given my partner antidepressants that make it worse and he said that he will see a psychologist when he feels ready. I feel horrible that I cannot fully support him and feel soo upset that he has lived through this himself and couldn't talk to me about it.He is wanting to spend time out to clear his mind which seems to me that he just wants to forget about it. We both want kids but it would have to be with IVF (if possible). I feel soo selfish but I cannot keep cool and burst into tears when I'm alone. I've always been lonely in our marriage and tried to keep busy to forget about my problems. How can i help my husband when I can't even help myself come to terms with this?

BS Maybe we are too different.
  • replies: 3

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (I am gay) for just over 6 years. When we first got together we were both very honest about what we wanted out of life and we seemed to want the same thing. We wanted to get married one day and own a h... View more

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (I am gay) for just over 6 years. When we first got together we were both very honest about what we wanted out of life and we seemed to want the same thing. We wanted to get married one day and own a house but we also both wanted to travel and have a thousand and one adventures before doing anything too series. Recently we have moved from a different state. We have both left our family's and friends and we had been working towards this move for about 3 years. I love it were we have moved. I am a little lonely but we have only been here for a few months. But she isn't enjoying it and she wants to move back from where we came. She misses her family and friends too much and she doesnt like being away from them. Which is fine and totally understandable but I do think it means we might want different things. I have always wanted to travel and see the world and have never wanted to live were I grew up. I am ready to start my life in that aspect but I feel like she wants to take a step in a different direction. She has proposed to me which of course I said yes. But she wants to buy the house and everything and I don't want to do that yet. I am not in any rush. We are also disconnected in other areas of our life. We are arguing a little more and our sex life is not working because every time we try it just doesnt work. I am not a very confident person and the more we don't connect on that level the more anxious and worried I feel. We just are not connecting and fitting in each others lives like we used to. I know we both still love each other. There is no one else. We have both been very honest about how we are feeling and whats going on. I am just so scared we are going to break up. I love her so much. We have made so many plans together we have been through so much together good and bad and I feel like I am watching from the outside as my relationship falls apart but I cant fix it. I don't know if maybe this is just a hump in our relationship, maybe it will pass. But I just don't know. I feel like we have tried and we are keep trying, we have tried going o regular dates, tried being sexual and romantic but something is working. Maybe we are putting to much stress on ourselves? Maybe we are destined to break up. Has anyone been through this? Did you get through it? Any advice? I am feeling alone because we did just move here. So we do just have each other. I just want to try everything before it might end.

AMItch101 Scared and Confused, of how life will treat me!
  • replies: 11

Hey my names Alex. This is my first time I’ve ever opened up about any of my personal feelings about anything before! Im 19 years old, gay, and really don’t have much to turn to for support. So here I am! So I honestly don’t know where to begin, I ha... View more

Hey my names Alex. This is my first time I’ve ever opened up about any of my personal feelings about anything before! Im 19 years old, gay, and really don’t have much to turn to for support. So here I am! So I honestly don’t know where to begin, I haven’t been diagnosed with any form of mental illness, but that’s probably more related to the fact I don’t go to the doctor at all for anything. But I seem to always get an overwhelming sense of sadness, when I overthink things and my mind plays out every scenario in my head, and more often then not, brings me to tears. I don’t know why I’ve felt this way, my family accepts me being gay, but I still can’t bring myself to allow them to witness or even be apart of that part of my life. And it truly saddens me, I was highly closeted and picked on at school, and even when I dropped out at year 10, working had been even worse, it seems every where I’ve turnt I’ve never felt like I belong. I often have fantasies of just dropping everything, work, friends, family and just honestly running away and never looking back. I can’t bring myself to tell anyone what’s going on in my life and my conversations usually, go with me ending in ‘I’m great thanks’. And I always have a great smile, but deep down I feel miserable. I work as a chef, and it is painful, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I hate it, but I feel as though I’ve got no choice, as I wasted 4 years of my life training. I find it extremely hard some days to even get up out of bed to get ready for work. And I’m honestly scared to express who I am, not only because of judgement, but I feel as though I’m ashamed of who I’ve become. I watch movies or tv shows, and it makes me cry to see someone have a best friend or friends in high school, as I really didn’t have anyone at all that I talked to or went through school. Ive been overweight for as long as I can remember, and can’t find any motivation to help that, I’ve been wanting to go tot the doctor for options but can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and haven’t really ever seen another LGBT person and it’s has me thinking ‘Why Me?’. Just writing this now brings tears to my eyes, and I don’t know why I feel this way. I’m scared of what my life will become, and feel as though my life isn’t going to get better. Thanks for taking the time to read this and any advice is greatly appreciated. Alex

Pieterrossouw Scared of loosing everything
  • replies: 2

Thank you for listening. I am 43 years old, recently divorced and have 4 beautiful kids. I am divorced, after 17 years of marriage, because my wife found out that I was interested in men, but I denied everything as I was scared of loosing everything,... View more

Thank you for listening. I am 43 years old, recently divorced and have 4 beautiful kids. I am divorced, after 17 years of marriage, because my wife found out that I was interested in men, but I denied everything as I was scared of loosing everything, I still am. My ex, her family, my kids and some of my family members are homophobic and I will loose them forever. How do I keep on living this lie? The depression and anxiety is killing me. How do you choose your own truth over the happiness and understanding of the people you love most. Any words of advice, please

Guest_68 Transman and gay - coming out twice
  • replies: 3

I'm transgender - FTM - and transitioned at a fairly advanced age, having thought about it for years. Decided not to, it was too late, and then realised about five years ago that that wasn't working. I'd have to gather my courage, whether it was too ... View more

I'm transgender - FTM - and transitioned at a fairly advanced age, having thought about it for years. Decided not to, it was too late, and then realised about five years ago that that wasn't working. I'd have to gather my courage, whether it was too late or not. Friends mostly okay with it, workplace took awhile and tend to forget and misgender me, mother (only surviving parent) absolutely anti! One thing I shied away from was what transition might mean about my sexual preferences. A doctor asked me, pre transition, which I liked and I said guys. She said that might change after I go on T. I shrugged that off; if it did, it did. I'd never been that interested in either but the lean was to guys. Well, a year after starting T, I still like guys theoretically, but haven't done anything about it. I guess that makes me gay I've read/heard that a lot of gay guys don't like transmen because, well, we have missing bits (unless we are also extremely wealthy]. Can't help it, I still like bearish sort of guys; would love to have a partner but doubt it's ever going to happen now. I haven't even gone *close* to this theme with my mother, never mentioned pronouns or preferences. We had a historic blowup two months ago when I pushed for her to use my chosen name - some three years after I had taken it and announced the fact. This is just too difficult for her to absorb and though it makes me feel terrible, I haven't got back in touch with her because contact makes me feel worse. And what's odd is that even accepting friends who readily call me by my name and refer to me as "he" now assume that I must now be into women! I guess I'm just putting this out there and hoping for some feedback. Wondering if I could be a good partner for somebody else, given my lifelong crappy record at relationships.

R_E_M_H_F I'm Straight But I scared that I'm slowly turning bi
  • replies: 11

I have always liked boys and still do, but I'm getting random unwanted thoughts about my sexuality. For example one day I was talking to my best friend (girl) and thought "what if I kissed her right now". The thought was so scary I had never thought ... View more

I have always liked boys and still do, but I'm getting random unwanted thoughts about my sexuality. For example one day I was talking to my best friend (girl) and thought "what if I kissed her right now". The thought was so scary I had never thought anything like this before it was 'disgusting' to me. As I thought about it more the idea became less 'disgusting' but still not something I was interested in. As the week went on a began to think that this meant something. Was I Bi? I cried over this for days and nights I started obsessing over it, I kept forcing myself to make this thought to happen so that I knew things hadn't changed. But every time I Had the thought the idea became more tolerable. I'm now so scared that this means I am turning bi. I thought about why it sounds so bad to me and I have decided that it is because being bi wouldn't be me! I thought that was a good enough reason but these random thoughts are not stopping. I just want to go back to when I was obsessing over boys without question that I'm lying to myself. I really miss those feelings.

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