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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Alec92 Gay and can't find a partner
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, I'm a single gay man from Melbourne and am struggling to find a partner. Here is my story: I've given these dating apps a good try: I've been on them intermittently for a year and a half or so and things were just not happening for me... View more

Hello everyone, I'm a single gay man from Melbourne and am struggling to find a partner. Here is my story: I've given these dating apps a good try: I've been on them intermittently for a year and a half or so and things were just not happening for me! I was mostly ignored and came away feeling annoyed and frustrated. I did my best to relate to others and tried to find a connection with someone, but I felt as though I was wasting my time because my effort and enthusiasm was not reciprocated. I initiated communication and sent people messages but I often got nothing back in return. Other times I received delayed replies that were very short or two words long, which provided me with very little information about them to build on to keep the conversation going. So therefore the interaction back and forth between me and the other person would fizzle out very quickly. Often the other person would disappear completely after the third or fourth message was exchanged. Conversation felt very one-sided most of the time because no one reached out to me first. When I stopped doing all of the initiating, I would never hear back from the other person again! I showed a genuine interest in others by asking them thoughtful questions about themselves, but few ever asked me questions about myself. When I did share things about myself, few asked me follow-up questions. Regardless of where I met other gay men: many I encountered were heavily into the clubbing scene, did party drugs, slept around and were only after hook-ups and/ or casual sex. I found all of this very frustrating and disappointing because I wanted a relationship/ decent boyfriend that would be my partner and my friend! I was left feeling in despair! All things considered, I find the whole process of online dating apps to be infuriating and unfulfilling. I consider the gay scene extremely difficult to navigate and it was a lonely experience for me.

doonacloud I'd like a relationship but I haven't found the right person yet: 28/f/Melbourne/bisexual
  • replies: 1

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and I haven't been able to keep a relationship for more than a couple of years. I love being in a healthy, loving relationship, but I tend to push my partner away when I'm especially depressed, and I... View more

I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and I haven't been able to keep a relationship for more than a couple of years. I love being in a healthy, loving relationship, but I tend to push my partner away when I'm especially depressed, and I often feel like nobody understands me. I have a really loving, supportive family, and a solid group of friends I've known since high school, and that helps ward off the loneliness, but it's just not the same as being in a relationship. Although I identify as bisexual, I've only ever been in relationships with men. How do you form that intimate connection with someone when you're depressed and want to shut everyone out? How do you make yourself vulnerable without dumping a load of mental health issues on someone?

Pac1979 Gay, anxiety/depression, redundancy, gambling, suicidal
  • replies: 5

Hello, First time poster. I have always been shy and anxious, even as a young child, pics of me are tight lipped smiles, the only video of me shows me as anxious with OCD patterns (rubbing my inner forearms against my ribs constantly).. Was bullied a... View more

Hello, First time poster. I have always been shy and anxious, even as a young child, pics of me are tight lipped smiles, the only video of me shows me as anxious with OCD patterns (rubbing my inner forearms against my ribs constantly).. Was bullied a lot and had bricks hit on my head or thrown at my head a few times. This was in Glasgow between 5-9 y.o. My parents came to Sydney, that was very traumatising, starting end of year 3 here, and bullied and teased about my accent. And was bullied here from year 3 until end of high school. One tuesday after a normal sports day when I was 15 I was walking home from school the normal way around 2:30pm. But some voice in my head said "look back" which I never normally did. I looked back and saw 3 guys at the end of the street. The voice in my head said "run!" But I was too socially shy and thought I'd look stupid. Well, the three guys caught up with me, asked for a dollar. I said I had no money, then they said give me your watch, it was my Xmas pressure, digital and told the temperature, I loved it. I said no, then they started to bash me and punch me until I fell to the ground and until I took my watch off and gave it to them. Even until today I hate feeling people behind me, I am hyper-vigilant, I need to sit at the back of a bus or train otherwise I am extremely anxious. I hate being in crowds and panic. I know I was always an anxious child (in hindsight) and the mugging made it worse. I first saw a doc in 2004, because I read an article about social phobia and realised that was me. Im 37, I've been single for 14 years. Had 1 proper boyfriend and that lasted 8 months (yes I'm gay and I know that added to everything as I had to hide who I am). I've tried 6 different anti depressants. Some good most bad. I was made redundant after 11 years at my job and lost my self worth. But even as I worked there I wouldn't go to the toilet at work and had anxiety catching the lift. After my redundancy I went overseas by myself for 2 months hoping it would cure my social anxiety. It didn't. A few weeks after I came back I took myself to a medical centre on a Saturday because I wanted to kill myself, I didn't have my Medicare card, they refused me, I went outside and thought, if I don't see someone I'm going to kill myself. I went back in and broke down in tears at the reception. She let me see a doc and I got referred to the mental health team. They came uninvited to my house

Pe66les confused, married and gay
  • replies: 5

Hi All, i'm married with a child. i have been with my husband for over 13 years now. i was only 17 when we got together. i'm gay and i don't know what to do. i grew up with a very homophobic father, so i think that i have hidden my feelings from him ... View more

Hi All, i'm married with a child. i have been with my husband for over 13 years now. i was only 17 when we got together. i'm gay and i don't know what to do. i grew up with a very homophobic father, so i think that i have hidden my feelings from him and myself so i wouldn't upset my him. i'm not happy anymore, my husband has cheated on me twice in the past, i have been doing a lot of soul searching over the past few months. i now know who i am, but i'm so scared of breaking up my family. please if anyone has any advice i would be truly grateful.

Tiffany_h What would a transsexual do if rejected sex change
  • replies: 2

Hello all, my name is Jason and I am a 41 year old transsexual. My concern is that I will be denied gender reassignment due to a past history of major depression and two stays in the psyche ward for post trumatic stress after being gang bashed and st... View more

Hello all, my name is Jason and I am a 41 year old transsexual. My concern is that I will be denied gender reassignment due to a past history of major depression and two stays in the psyche ward for post trumatic stress after being gang bashed and struck by a car when I tried to flee ten years ago. I drank and did drugs to exess before being admitted for suicidal ideation, depression and refusing to eat. My time in hospital helped me break my habits and reflect on my negative attitudes. This was three years ago and now I am totally clean and clear minded. I don't even take meds anymore because my habits were what was making me depressed. Anyway I believe I will be rejected for a sex change because of my checkered psychological history. I tried to get an appointment with a gender dysphoria psychiatrist but he hasn't got back to me about an appointment probably because my doctors referral mentions my psycological past. I really don't know what to do, I am rather desperate. Even if I do get to see him I think I will not be accepted in the end.

Grazee HOMOPHOBIA
  • replies: 6

For the past few weeks I've been entertaining myself viewing gay short story videos on You Tube. Sadly, many of the stories deal with the trauma of coming out. The most common thread is fear, and is predominant among young people, who have to endure ... View more

For the past few weeks I've been entertaining myself viewing gay short story videos on You Tube. Sadly, many of the stories deal with the trauma of coming out. The most common thread is fear, and is predominant among young people, who have to endure the process of coming out. You've all been through it, so I don’t have to elaborate on the anguish and pain that coming out causes. It's all so unnecessary. I've revised my bucket list. I have only two things I want to occur before I'm taken to that great big steam room in the sky; First; I want Australia to be a Republic and, most importantly Second: I want a ZERO tolerance policy towards Homophobia including and specifically, religious references and beliefs. I want to see Homophobia categorized as a criminal offense carrying a mandatory custodial sentence of at least Ten years. Homophobia causes pain and suffering; it victimizes people. Therefore it falls well within the classification as a crime. Just imagine a world without homophobia; just imagine no more ranting religious bigots selectively using extracts from the bible to cover up their homophobic prejudice; just imagine how happy we and our families would be; just imagine a life without homophobic fear; just imagine! I don't believe this can be accomplished soon, but we can start by making it plain to anyone expressing Homophobic beliefs, in any form, that we regard them as criminals.

Mishey Depression, Anxiety, Relationship.... hang on pretty much life issues
  • replies: 8

I am new to this I quite literally signed up 5 minutes ago. I have recently been diagnosed with acute anxiety and major depression and have been taking medication now for around 6 weeks or so. Both my GP and Psychologist believe that both the anxiety... View more

I am new to this I quite literally signed up 5 minutes ago. I have recently been diagnosed with acute anxiety and major depression and have been taking medication now for around 6 weeks or so. Both my GP and Psychologist believe that both the anxiety and depression have come from untreated PTSD gifted to me by my previous girlfriend. I treated it myself, alcohol and many late night/early mornings at the clubs ( I now know that is not actually helpful). I have been with my current gf for two years now and in that time I have had two episodes of serious PTSD flashbacks whilst drinking and have physically hurt her. Please no judgements I have been trying to get my own head around how I became my ex and how I could hurt someone I love, regardless of my conscious being "in the moment" or not I still take responsibility for my actions. It has lead me to my diagnoses and getting help ( small silver linings). I still struggle with trust issues and I am aware this sounds absurd but I struggle with trusting my partner despite what has happened. I constantly think she is going to cheat on me or has planned to. My ex cheated on me so along with being abusive physically and verbally over a 7 year period she was a real gem. The issues are pretty simple, I am transposing my past relationship issues into my new relationship , simple to see but not simple for me to fix. It is driving my partner bat crap crazy ( I can't have two of us crazy in the house there just isn't the space) I love her immeasurably and she has well and truly earned my trust in abundance but the minute she is somewhere all the passed experience come back with a golf club to my stomach and then the anxiety kicks in: For me that also means anger ( it's my replacement emotion for fear probably hasn't helped me much but it is definitely reliable). I know I am draining her and have told her so many times to leave as I am too damaged. I just feel like everytime I feel like I am getting somewhere in one aspect I screw things up somewhere else.

Karam Being true to yourself
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, For many years, I had lied to myself and tried to date girls in order to cover up my sexuality - I realized that I wasn't getting any happiness as I was lying every day to myself, to her and to our families and friends. It took me years ... View more

Hi everyone, For many years, I had lied to myself and tried to date girls in order to cover up my sexuality - I realized that I wasn't getting any happiness as I was lying every day to myself, to her and to our families and friends. It took me years to confront it and then come out to everyone after accepting myself - the journey was tough and I know many who are still stuck leading a double life and would like some support to come out and be true to themselves and those around them I then dated a guy who was in closet and tried to help him come out but after 2 years, I found out he led a carefully planned double life and was married with a kid. My world shattered and I had a stroke. I have been so grateful I survived it and grateful that I am out and proud as a gay man as I know that I am true to myself and will not be the man like he is. I know if its hard and often those in closet and those leading double life needs some support, some voice to tell them that there is a way out - there is a chance, there is hope to be true to themselves and those around them I would like some opinion/ thoughts/ stories from everyone on: 1. How we can support the closeted members of the LGBTI community more to let them know that they are not alone 2. How did you personally confront your sexuality and decided to come out and the effect on your happiness 3. What would you say to someone reading this who is deciding if they should come out Thanks

Paul Coming out
  • replies: 10

My mantra has always been. I'll come out to those people who are important and close to me, and no one else matters. My belief is that this covers most situations for accidental coming out or people telling stories. "Important and close to me" in the... View more

My mantra has always been. I'll come out to those people who are important and close to me, and no one else matters. My belief is that this covers most situations for accidental coming out or people telling stories. "Important and close to me" in the past has included my employers. What does everyone else think and do you have a disclosure rulebook? By coming out I mean not just "I'm gay" it could be coming out as trans or intersex, it could be disclosing your status concerning an STI. Paul

Grazee THAT DAMN PLEBISITE
  • replies: 32

I was angry to read that the same sex marriage Plebiscite was going to be held early next year. Even if it's passed being a Plebiscite doesn't make it law. What I'm concerned about is it NOT being passed. We all know the history of Australian Referen... View more

I was angry to read that the same sex marriage Plebiscite was going to be held early next year. Even if it's passed being a Plebiscite doesn't make it law. What I'm concerned about is it NOT being passed. We all know the history of Australian Referendums . . . the NO vote usually wins. So does a NO vote mean that Gay Marriage will NEVER be accepted in Australia. I suspect that we , I mean we, have more to lose by this vote; even if passed it won't be legal and if rejected we will never have Gay Marriage legalized. I don't know whether to vote YES ; vote in formal as a protest ; or just not vote at all. Anybody got some ideas??