Sexuality and gender identity

Transman and gay - coming out twice

replies: 3

I'm transgender - FTM - and transitioned at a fairly advanced age, having thought about it for years. Decided not to, it was too late, and then realised about five years ago that that wasn't working. I'd have to gather my courage, whether it was too ... View more

I'm transgender - FTM - and transitioned at a fairly advanced age, having thought about it for years. Decided not to, it was too late, and then realised about five years ago that that wasn't working. I'd have to gather my courage, whether it was too late or not. Friends mostly okay with it, workplace took awhile and tend to forget and misgender me, mother (only surviving parent) absolutely anti! One thing I shied away from was what transition might mean about my sexual preferences. A doctor asked me, pre transition, which I liked and I said guys. She said that might change after I go on T. I shrugged that off; if it did, it did. I'd never been that interested in either but the lean was to guys. Well, a year after starting T, I still like guys theoretically, but haven't done anything about it. I guess that makes me gay I've read/heard that a lot of gay guys don't like transmen because, well, we have missing bits (unless we are also extremely wealthy]. Can't help it, I still like bearish sort of guys; would love to have a partner but doubt it's ever going to happen now. I haven't even gone *close* to this theme with my mother, never mentioned pronouns or preferences. We had a historic blowup two months ago when I pushed for her to use my chosen name - some three years after I had taken it and announced the fact. This is just too difficult for her to absorb and though it makes me feel terrible, I haven't got back in touch with her because contact makes me feel worse. And what's odd is that even accepting friends who readily call me by my name and refer to me as "he" now assume that I must now be into women! I guess I'm just putting this out there and hoping for some feedback. Wondering if I could be a good partner for somebody else, given my lifelong crappy record at relationships.

I'm Straight But I scared that I'm slowly turning bi

replies: 11

I have always liked boys and still do, but I'm getting random unwanted thoughts about my sexuality. For example one day I was talking to my best friend (girl) and thought "what if I kissed her right now". The thought was so scary I had never thought ... View more

I have always liked boys and still do, but I'm getting random unwanted thoughts about my sexuality. For example one day I was talking to my best friend (girl) and thought "what if I kissed her right now". The thought was so scary I had never thought anything like this before it was 'disgusting' to me. As I thought about it more the idea became less 'disgusting' but still not something I was interested in. As the week went on a began to think that this meant something. Was I Bi? I cried over this for days and nights I started obsessing over it, I kept forcing myself to make this thought to happen so that I knew things hadn't changed. But every time I Had the thought the idea became more tolerable. I'm now so scared that this means I am turning bi. I thought about why it sounds so bad to me and I have decided that it is because being bi wouldn't be me! I thought that was a good enough reason but these random thoughts are not stopping. I just want to go back to when I was obsessing over boys without question that I'm lying to myself. I really miss those feelings.

Coming Out?

replies: 6

Hi I’m 15 and am female. I identify as bisexual but no one knows this yet. I haven’t told my parents or my friends as I’m too scared of what they might think. One of the reasons why I’m too scared to come out is because at school some people make mea... View more

Hi I’m 15 and am female. I identify as bisexual but no one knows this yet. I haven’t told my parents or my friends as I’m too scared of what they might think. One of the reasons why I’m too scared to come out is because at school some people make mean jokes about people that aren’t straight, but I must add that my school in general is very LGBTQ friendly. I started to suspect that I was bisexual at 11. At first I didn’t know what to do and thought it couldn’t be real, it was all really scary, but now I am happy to label myself as bisexual. I just don’t know how or when to come out. If anyone could give any advice it would be much appreciated.

New here, first forum post, feeling blue

replies: 10

Hi all, iv had depression since I was 17, 34 now, just thought I’d send a post as I’m feeling pretty down atm, i have very bad self esteem, no friends or guides to listen to, I’m sure there those worse off than I, though, just feeling depressed latel... View more

Hi all, iv had depression since I was 17, 34 now, just thought I’d send a post as I’m feeling pretty down atm, i have very bad self esteem, no friends or guides to listen to, I’m sure there those worse off than I, though, just feeling depressed lately, trapped in a life iv made for myself, I don’t work, so iv little or no money to go out places, I study though, working at getting qualified in educational support, I lost many teeth over the years, and need a partial plate, but cannot possibly get dental treatments to correct them, it makes me feel gross and ugly, and I can never hope to enjoy a simple kiss, I’m gay as well, live in a place with little hope of finding a suitable boyfriend, not that think anybody would look at me, lately been thinking about all the things I forgot to do over the years, feel lost, and have ruined any chance of happiness for myself, I don’t drive, or own a car, jobless, low self esteem, and miserable all the time, I hardly leave the house, and feel like I’m wasting away, to many nights alone and unwanted, I’d like to feel good about myself and can’t see any way out, it’s like the movie insidious, and I’m a ghost, trapped in a cold, dark loop, doomed to helpless loneliness, unable to escape. I have no dreams or aspirations for myself anymore, everything I ever wanted for myself has faded away, I wanted to travel, dance slowly with my sweetheart, have a decent income, and have freedom to enjoy life, now I just seem to exist with no purpose, iv lost my sense of self in the process, just venting really, sorry about all my doom and gloom, if anyone has any advice, how to claw myself out of this pit, that would be lovely, I’d like to feel human again as I once did when I was younger and had time, opportunity, freedom, and love ahead of me, I need to have thousands of dollars worth of dental treatments, resulting in a partial plates (and not feel like a monster) ,learn to drive and afford a car, find a job that pays decent wages, somehow find the strength to leave the house and make friends, get my own place to live, and get to know who I am once more, sorry again for the vent, it always cold, grey, and miserable where I am

Bursting bubbles

replies: 2

For most of my life I have been vehemently repressing my sexuality to the point where me being asexual was a matter of principle and part of my moral character. A month ago, a good friend of mine asked me out on a date after weeks, if not months, of ... View more

For most of my life I have been vehemently repressing my sexuality to the point where me being asexual was a matter of principle and part of my moral character. A month ago, a good friend of mine asked me out on a date after weeks, if not months, of flirting with me to which I was completely oblivious and clueless. She has been unimaginably patient with me as I go through the teenage panics and anxieties of a first relationship (at the age of 25) and she supports me dearly in my struggle with my identity and gender dysphoria. She describes me as a beacon of kindness and having a strong aura of asexuality, a description which succinctly puts a lot into perspective. I appreciate her dearly and I want to support her in her own sexuality as well, but this is where there is overlap with my personal failings. She is into a variety of kinks but I can't physically hurt another person, even at their own request and even for their own pleasure. I live for others, I exist to help and to nurture, and my entire personal philosophy, my entire being, is devoted to making the world a better place for others. This is why I am a teacher, to make the lives of others better. I am not accustomed to this sort of failure. I can't do what she wants of me, I can't hurt her, I can try to please her in other ways but ultimately I cannot satisfy her kinks. To add complexity to this situation, our relationship is not an exclusive one and she is seeing other people, which I have no issue with. Her sexuality is her right and I want to continue supporting her in that, but I can't ignore a hollow feeling of inadequacy inside of me. I've trained myself for my entire adult life not to be the male I was born as, to reject masculinity, patriarchy and any concept of male sexuality; to now have a sexuality emerging from underneath all that repression and for that sexuality to be inadequate, is more than a little crushing. What upsets me most is not that she is seeing others, but the fact that I have any feelings at all on this issue. I am used to being a selfless paragon and what upsets me most of all is the fact that my emerging sexuality has disturbed that selfless being.

help i cant do this any more

replies: 8

hi i am a gay 20 year old male i cant come out to parents cause they hate gays mother/ father voted no to same sex marriage and parents keep saying wheres your girlfriend go out and find one i cant keep acting like this till they die. iam now in my l... View more

hi i am a gay 20 year old male i cant come out to parents cause they hate gays mother/ father voted no to same sex marriage and parents keep saying wheres your girlfriend go out and find one i cant keep acting like this till they die. iam now in my life just ready to end it cause i go to sleep crying every night cause i have had bfs break up with me cause i was not going to come out and said iam not ready for relationships i just dont know wht to do any more i also have to act like i hate gays when around them this sucks so bad

Gender transition last straw in my edgy relationship with my mother ?

replies: 7

I feel trapped in my life. I live on my own and have for a long time. I’m 54 years of age. I’m no good at relationships. A few years ago I began gender transition – FTM – which has made me feel better in myself. It’s more making the outside match the... View more

I feel trapped in my life. I live on my own and have for a long time. I’m 54 years of age. I’m no good at relationships. A few years ago I began gender transition – FTM – which has made me feel better in myself. It’s more making the outside match the inside. With my mother; we’ve always had an edgy relationship. I feel that she has criticised me my whole life, nothing I do is right. I’m an adopted child and she’s never let me forget that either. One comment I got about transitioning was “But we specifically asked for a girl!” My mother is now elderly and my brother lives interstate. I am feeling a lot of pressure to visit her and do things for her despite her views, but she won’t use my chosen name. Instead there is a long pause whenever you would normally say someone’s name. When I said it wouldn’t kill her to use my name, she said it was too difficult and it had been too long (my life). But this isn’t forgetting, it’s refusal. A couple of years ago my brother and his wife tried to persuade her to go live in their town, but she wouldn’t do it. One reason she gave was not wanting to leave me, even though from my POV she was no support to me. So that means instead of being where there are several relatives/inlaws to help her, there’s only me. Well, there was me. On Mother’s Day there was the episode I mention above where I snapped at one too many nameless remarks and walked out. M followed and when I did not want to embrace her goodbye, accused me of being an unforgiving person. What it was was brain freeze. I just said I had forgiven her for things – I forget exactly how I phrased it – just that I had done it a lot, I think. Then I closed the door and walked away I am feeling horribly guilty because I see it as my duty to help with things but I can't want to see her now. My mother is obsessed with her demise and will not stop with her comments about her stuff, what happens to her stuff and doubting my ability to clear out her place/deal with the situation. I have asked her several times to stop this. So I’m on my own. I usually don’t see friends – internet contact is it. I feel pretty bad and have had bad thoughts, though nothing I’m intending to act on. I just feel despairing about my life and why can’t I get on with my mother as other people seem to or even establish a relationship beyond friendship. I dread her contacting me now, I don’t even know if I want to mend this. I’m just trapped.

I hate being trans

replies: 2

Is it just me or is this normal. For days I had dreams of judgement from everyone I know and it sucks. My mom thought that if I took testosterone shot it’ll stop making me trans. I want acceptance from my mother, I need it to move on. But she’s super... View more

Is it just me or is this normal. For days I had dreams of judgement from everyone I know and it sucks. My mom thought that if I took testosterone shot it’ll stop making me trans. I want acceptance from my mother, I need it to move on. But she’s super lgbtphobic. I just can’t do this anymore. KMP.

im bi and the guy i like is ashamed of himself

replies: 2

hi my names Lewis and im bisexual i met a guy online we spoke for about 2 months and i started to develop feelings for him despite the fact that i had never met him in person, he was having a party and i was driving around with my friend and he told ... View more

hi my names Lewis and im bisexual i met a guy online we spoke for about 2 months and i started to develop feelings for him despite the fact that i had never met him in person, he was having a party and i was driving around with my friend and he told me to come over so we could finally meet after meeting him i new that i wanted to hangout with him again we organised for our group to all go ice skating but we both wanted some alone time without us saying it. so three days later he picked me up from school and we hung out all afternoon just driving around i know it doesn't sound like fun but somehow with him i was having a blast he dropped me home that night and we were just chatting online and said we were keen for Friday night and he offed if i wanted to stay after and i said yes comes to the next day and we decided to hangout again so he picked me up again and we went to the shops for late night shopping, neither of us needed anything we just wanted to see each other, after a couple of hours it was time to go home so he drove me home that night over snap chat i told the boy i had strong feelings for him, he said that he felt the same way however he was scared as hes never felt this way before we both agreed that we wanted to keep things on the down low and take things slow as this was the first time either of us had felt this way for a boy. over the weekend i stayed at his house twice both the Friday and Saturday night we didn't do much as we said we would take it slow, just cuddled and kissed, the next morning on the Sunday was my birthday so he drove me home rather early so i could spend it with my family he then got really freaked out and started pushing me away and told himself he was "straight" we then argued and were friend on and off for 2 months until recently he messaged me again saying that he was into both but when he thinks about it makes him want to self harm but he has strong feelings for me and he cant denie them we then hangout just the 2 of us again and talked about what we were gonna be he said hes not ready for people to know so we both said lets just hangout a lot more and see what happens less then a week later he tolled me he had feelings for a girl and he just wants to be friends im really confused by the entire situation and don't know what i should do, i care about him a lot he makes me so happy but then is destroying me at the same time someone please help me.

Supporting a friend with gender issues

replies: 5

Hello, This forum has been great and I'm happy there is a LGBTQ+ section! I'm bisexual myself and in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman. I was somehow super lucky to not plague myself with questions about my sexual orientation, and even mor... View more

Hello, This forum has been great and I'm happy there is a LGBTQ+ section! I'm bisexual myself and in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman. I was somehow super lucky to not plague myself with questions about my sexual orientation, and even more lucky that I have a very accepting family, but I know a lot of people don't have it that easy. Community support like this, even online, is awesome! I'm writing because a friend of mine just told me she thinks she might be trans/gender fluid. She doesn't know herself what's going on exactly so I'll refer to her with female pronouns here as that's how I've known her most of my life, but of course I will respect her choice of pronouns if/when she makes one. She lives in Europe whereas I have moved to Australia so we communicate online for now, but she will come visit for a few weeks soon and I want to make her feel as comfortable as possible. She's going through some pretty tough stuff right now. Actually, she's been going through a tough time since her early teens. We've known each other since pre-school, but haven't always been super close and kind of lost touch during middle/high school. We reconnected on a more regular basis in our early twenties. I guess you'd consider she had a bit of "behavioural" problems as a kid but it got much worse when she hit her teen years and has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals. She's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, induced/reinforced(?) by trauma, so she has PTSD too. I think finally getting the diagnosis has helped her tremendously as she was finally able to find answers/resources and she has been doing generally better in the last two years. She's an awesome person, full of energy, and a talented artist. A few days ago she disclosed to me she has recently started to dress like a man and maybe wants to be one. She said she never really felt like she fit the "girl" requirements but not really the "man" ones either. She also told me being a man makes her feel "safe" so she wants to remove all marks of her femininity. As a friend, I will support her in whatever her everyday or life-long needs are. But I'm also thinking it must be pretty hard to navigate between what she really feels she IS and what her brain tells her would be "safe to be" after being sexually assaulted. So how can I help? It's not my place to address this directly with her (I'm a friend, not her psych) but we do talk about it so I don't want to say the wrong thing. Cheers, Mil

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

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Transman and gay - coming out twice

replies: 3