asexuality

[tinabay]

Hi

I just found put that my partner of 6 years has been informed by our GP that he may be asexual. I always knew we had a sex problem in our marriage and always talked about this with my hubby and was happy to seek help . He always reassured me that there wasn't anything wrong with me.

The GP has given my partner antidepressants that make it worse and he said that he will see a psychologist when he feels ready. I feel horrible that I cannot fully support him and feel soo upset that he has lived through this himself and couldn't talk to me about it.He is wanting to spend time out to clear his mind which seems to me that he just wants to forget about it. We both want kids but it would have to be with IVF (if possible). I feel soo selfish but I cannot keep cool and burst into tears when I'm alone. I've always been lonely in our marriage and tried to keep busy to forget about my problems. How can i help my husband when I can't even help myself come to terms with this?

[Neferata]

Hi Tinabay,

You and your partner are both very strong to have been shouldering these woes, and you're certainly not alone in this. I'm glad your partner is beginning to seek help and I would stronlgly recommend he continue and see a psychologist when he is ready. Medications can be really hit and miss and it's important the the GP know what works and what doesn't work as soon as possible.

It's important to repeat what you've already suggested, none of this is your fault and you certainly haven't failed. I'm certain in saying that your partner probably doesn't know how talk about this inside his own head, giving voice to those thoughts is even more difficult.

Most of all, your partner has to want to help himself, your being with him is a tremendous support in itself. It is for that reason that I would encourage he seek psychological help to start negotiating this and seeing what his self and his sexuality in his mind might actually look like.

Good luck, stay strong!
-Nef