Sexuality and gender identity

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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221 unread

IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section

replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Coming out Anxious & Depressed

replies: 7

Hey Everyone, I'm at a bit of a loss on how to support/help my partner. We have been together for almost 6 years, I came out when I was a kid at 15/16 and my partner is not outto anyone other than his mum and sisters. He has met a few of my friends where we live but he does not feel comfortable going to any venue near where we live due to his work industry. We have travelled to Sydney (I grew up there) a few times and he has met a few more friends that he can relate to thankfully as a few of mine have been shallow assholes it turns out. He has told me that he had a situation in the past where he tried to commit suicide and was in hospital and had interaction in open rooms with health professionals of some description, unsure if they were Pschologists or Psycotherapists. That experience has left him with a bad taste in his mouth. He suffers from Panic Attacks often, generally hates life and himself and is rather miserable. We used to have rip roaring fights which have calmed quite considerable since he lowered his consumption of white wine, when we travel he tends to relax quite considerably and it's the only time he can be 'him' as such. Depending on the length of the holiday ie a week he is already dreading going home when we get there wishing the time away. He recently did a quiz of some description which pretty much said he was depressed, which could quite possibly be. His family life is very complicated with DV on his mum's side and failed marriges etc. I tried supportivley years ago to try and get him to a GP to start a mental health plan with a different Dr rather than his usual GP, the appointment was made and then we cancelled. He has spoken to a Social Worker about a year and a bit ago, I was also seeing the same guy; however, he was a bit useless to be honest. I have been unable to help get him back to one. As I said at the start, he is miserable, hates himself and as a distorted view of himself. He's not an ugly bloke and carries less of a gut than me but thinks he's fat constantly. I realise everyone has their own journey to take when they are ready, but at times the negativity of it can be so fing heavy it brings me down as well. Booking a holiday is a nightmare at times due to his indecivness, I have had to set boundries as I reckon organising a wedding would be easier. Has anyone else been in the same situation? I just want to see the guys smile and be happy. N

Bi, shamed, and disowned from my family

replies: 2

This is the first time I’ve been with a girl so I myself am trying to understand my feelings. My mum has spat in my face (literally), called me a slut, and told me to go to hell when I told her I wouldn’t leave my girlfriend just because she wanted me to. From there, things got physical. I already suffer from major anxiety and depression and have had suicidal thoughts in the past. I don’t know how to overcome this. Every time I settle, the image of her spitting in my face comes back again and again. I feel terrible. I don’t know how to get back up from this...

Asexuality

replies: 21

Hey Does anyone identify with this or have some experience with it? To me it makes a lot of sense but.... I dont know.

Just realised my dad is gay and thats why he hates me

replies: 8

yeah, just realised my dad is gay and thats why he's hated me my whole life because he saw it in me too. Years of emotional and physical abuse that have made me hate myself too. Now Ive created a life that everyone else wanted me to have with a wife and family, and yet I feel lonely and hate myself. Recently Ive started self harming just to see what it would feel like. I do want to die. Ive been seeing 2 therapists each week for the past few months, they just keep bringing up more and more issues. My wifes coming soon, so I will have to put on a fake face to hide the emptiness inside.

Not really sure what to do from here

replies: 6

Hey guys. Just after some advice. I am 39 years old, I have always identified as a lesbian. I was never really interested in guys, and I have always had sex / relationships with women. I still love women but I have been a little curious of late. I want to sleep with a guy. I am not sure how to go about doing this as it has never been some thing I have wanted to do. I just want to know what it is like. Do I tell the guy that it is my first time? I don't exactly want to get into a relationship or whatever. My two closest friends are very supportive but no one else knows. It's pretty confusing but I really want to do it.

Gay was married came out and have 2 kids

replies: 8

Hi, i thought I’d share a little of my story it may help other men that are gay in heterosexual relationships. I recently came out after being married for just under 7 years. I have 2 kids under 6. The last 12 months have been tough but I’m so glad I decided to come out. Without doubt it was the hardest thing I have ever done. The thought of hurting the 3 people that I loved most in the entire world haunted me for several years before taking the plunge. However, looking back, I’m so glad I did. Things are working out better than I had ever imagined. Sure, it wasn’t all roses, it was really hard and at many times I felt lost and confused. Yet, when you break it all down into bite sized peices, step by step, it becomes much clearer. Once you seek some professional advice and work up the courage to ask for help and seek answers to the “at the time” frightening questions you want answered, it does become easier. Feel fee to ask me any questions that you have. I may be able to help. Regards, Landon.

I'm so tired of being confused

replies: 5

I'm mid forties and I've only ever been with men, lots of them. But very unhappily. I've fantasised about women since high school. Yet I put the brakes on every time I feel an emotion for a woman. I squash it down deep and keep pursuing men. I like men, I flirt with men. I just don't let my deeper self show. I'm so scared of making a fool of myself or being judged. Everyone knows I have questioned my sexuality including my family and close friends. I talk about it all the time and do nothing. I went on one date with a woman, and she was really angry and I ended the date fairly quickly. I'm not angry anymore and don't want to be around anger. I have had serious mental health issues and all associated with identity and being a good girl, not disappointing, not expressing myself, catching my words in my throat before they come out. I've had enough. I feel even if I was with a woman I wouldn't have my answer, but because I don't give myself the opportunity to be open to it, I won't let myself try it. Even as I write this I feel alienated from the words. Sometimes I just think I am scared of men but am straight. I've never been sexually assaulted or physically hurt by a man, I just feel inferior and tired with them. I have no idea what this all means. Any words of help are most welcome.

Help, Christian but gay....

replies: 2

Hello everyone, So I'm 17 years old, Christian but gay.....I've rejected this for a very long time because I guess I knew the collision with my religion would cause alot of issues. I finally confronted my sexuality early last year, and haven't told anyone for a few reasons, 1) My family is also Christian so I don't know how they will react, and I know there viewpoint about it 2) I take Christianity seriously so I've found it hard in general. I became depressed and my life started to fall apart in a downward spiral, and I found it hard to do the basic things, and I was becoming more sad as time progressed. I had alot of fear and have been worried many times, it even affecting my daily life. I've lied about my sexuality many times as the fear was just too great. I've tried to "fix" myself, through praying etc but I still find myself the same. Thanks for reading this.

Recently split up, unsure how to start all over again

replies: 20

Hi, I’ve recently broken up with my ex partner. Well he broke up with me and without giving too much details I took full responsibility for what happened. We had been together for more than 10yrs. I’m a 40yo male. I’m feeling sad and also unsure how to start everything all over again. I don’t have many friends and I don’t know where to meet other people to make friends. I’m not a very social person. I know Grindr is popular but I’m not sure if people go there to make friends. Been in a relationship for so long I guess I was kinda feeling too comfortable to just spend most of times with my ex partner. And yes, it hurts knowing that I wouldn’t be able to spend the rest of my life with him but I wanted him to be happy. Also being at certain age (40) I don’t think it would be easy to find a new partner and have a long term relationship.

Considering leaving my boyfriend, for a woman.

replies: 4

I am in a sexless relationship of +5yrs. It used to depress me in a major way as sex was a way I kept my happy biochemicals topped up. I have since passed through this and found other ways to balance my biochemicals. However, I am increasingly finding I fantasize about being with a woman. I even dream about it and wake up on cloud nine, as if I have just spent the night with a beautiful, soft, gentle, loving woman - experienced everything I crave in love making but don't get in my waking life. Should I act on this and join an online dating service for same sex relationships? Or should I try 'couples counselling' (even though I hardly think talking is going to help, because attraction is a physical thing - not a mental thing, right)?

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 221

IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section replies: 0

Coming out Anxious & Depressed replies: 7

Bi, shamed, and disowned from my family replies: 2

Asexuality replies: 21

Just realised my dad is gay and thats why he hates me replies: 8

Not really sure what to do from here replies: 6

Gay was married came out and have 2 kids replies: 8

I'm so tired of being confused replies: 5

Help, Christian but gay.... replies: 2

Recently split up, unsure how to start all over again replies: 20

Considering leaving my boyfriend, for a woman. replies: 4