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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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locko42 Not ready to come out?
  • replies: 6

I recently completed year 12 and it was probably the worse day of my life. After a shitty last day feeling lonely and out of place, I had just finished school with no real friends and not fitting in. I spent the entire remainder of my day watching Ne... View more

I recently completed year 12 and it was probably the worse day of my life. After a shitty last day feeling lonely and out of place, I had just finished school with no real friends and not fitting in. I spent the entire remainder of my day watching Netflix whilst everyone else was out celebrating. Whilst feeling depressed at home my mum continuously asked me what was bothering me. I couldn't tell her, I hate opening up and talking about my feelings. Finally, I agreed and told her. She then started to cry and I knew what she was about to ask me. "Are you gay"? I said yes whilst cupping my hands in my face and crying. All that was going through my mind was, no no no this can't be happening. I was hoping this a bad dream i could wake up from, but no it was the reality. I couldn't look at her, this was the one thing I had been trying so hard to hide. She thought by asking me this would make me feel relieved but it did the opposite, only she was relieved in this situation. The problem isn't she is not accepting of me but it's the fact that I haven't accepted the fact that I am gay. She continued to say that she and dad had known for a long time but this not what I wanted to hear. My goal had been to hide it until i was ready to tell people, i have never been in a relationship, I wanted to explore that first. I am just really confused at his point and I can't move on from it. I am a consistently replaying the moment she asked me if I was gay, it terrifies me. What can i do to move on from this?

Barefoot29 So confused
  • replies: 1

Hey currently I'm so confused and its eating away at me inside I wanna try stuff with a guy but on the other side I dont I'm so scared I find it hard to make friends without asking stupid things at time because my curious side kicks in is it wrong if... View more

Hey currently I'm so confused and its eating away at me inside I wanna try stuff with a guy but on the other side I dont I'm so scared I find it hard to make friends without asking stupid things at time because my curious side kicks in is it wrong if I wanna try stuff Currently i think I suffer with depression today is a bad day where I had a friend add me and he started asking weird things so I did too make it even sorta but it turned back on me that I was the creep and this made my life so hard I'm struggling today at work I dont want to be around people because I'm scared something is gonna happen.. like being caught for something bad or everyone finding out.. my lifes so hard i have no idea what to do Please someone help with guidance

harDonna Stuck in Rut and the ladder in my stockings only gets worse
  • replies: 1

What you are about to read, if you so choose to peruse beyond the title, is a verbal vomiting of my thoughts and emotions of where I am, both mentally and physically as a person, a polaroid of my NOW… I apologise firstly for the lack of grammar and p... View more

What you are about to read, if you so choose to peruse beyond the title, is a verbal vomiting of my thoughts and emotions of where I am, both mentally and physically as a person, a polaroid of my NOW… I apologise firstly for the lack of grammar and possible waning of structure to this prose but as aforementioned this is ME, spewing out words as I attempt to release the pressure I have self-imposed upon myself, that grows and festers with compounding negative interest. Thoughts that plague the mind with every second of every day, through sleepness nights and seemingly endless days as the clock ticks, forever adding to my mental list of inactions and inability to honestly face my demons and respectfully give the people I should be caring for, my eternal love… something that has sadly diminished as I have slipped into an emotionless mindset. Unable to FEEL. Unable to GIVE. I have become a void, a blank space, black hole or unexplainable enigma within myself and even though I DO actually know the answers to my self-questioning, I find myself powerless to action such simple motions that will inevitably begin my positive resurgence and have me back in the ‘land of the living’’……born again and at the ready to take on all of life’s challenges set before me, knowing that I have the strength and resilience to conquer all. A strength, ….. more personal trait, wielded with confidence as if an ethereal weapon , that has protected me for my forty year existence thus far. ….and more importantly take off and discard all the masks that I have sported through life’s lies up until now. Masks that have had me imprisoned all this time due to socio pressures and public non-acceptance. Faking happiness with a smile and over-exaggerated positivity. Never able to be honest and true to anyone……………. particularly MYSELF. I AM DONNA. I AM PROUD and transitioning from male to female at the age of 42 years young. For the last 14 months I have lived and breathed as whom I believe to be the true me, Woman. I have left behind and mentally burnt all my previous 'male' stuff in the way of self cleansing and continually grow into ME, growing stronger ,more comfortable in my skin and confidently brush off the ogling, leering and/or disgusted mufflings from the shallow minded, all with a cheeky grin... and I feel empowered. The most positive observation I have made is that there is an amazing amount of acceptance towards me and my journey...BUT THAT DOESN'T HELP ME GET BACK MY KIDS

Cam1313 I seem to have lost my heart
  • replies: 4

Greetings, iv been depressed for many years, since 15, but in the last few years, i seemed to have gone beyond it, and have become indifferent and numb to all aspects of life, since I was young, iv always dreamed of falling in love with a nice guy, i... View more

Greetings, iv been depressed for many years, since 15, but in the last few years, i seemed to have gone beyond it, and have become indifferent and numb to all aspects of life, since I was young, iv always dreamed of falling in love with a nice guy, it needn’t of been a romantized, Disney version, but something would have been nice, as such iv never been in love, for a long time I put myself out there, going to all the usual places one would hope to find somebody, but all I found was rejection, and people who would use me sexually, then cast me aside, no intimacy at all, I ended up putting my heart in a box, and hiding it, while I allowed myself to waste away in my tower room, waiting to be rescued by someone who thought I would save me from my isolation, I realise now that it was foolish of me to expect that my prince might of come, as he never did, these days , I feel disconnected, solitary and utterly alone, miserable iv no happy memories to fall back on for strength, I once believed there was someone out there for everybody, but now I see that there are those who never find love, it’s a strange and horrible feeling being overlooked, used, lied to, forgotten, unseen, unwanted and alone, I wonder what’s the point of life if there is nothing to look forward to? except the dull drudgery of working each day, iv tried everything and nothing seems to work, perhaps I was hoping for to much?, whenever I see a happy couple, it triggers my depression to the extent I feel sick and overwealmed, iv grown cold, disenchanted, and cynical about love, though still hold out hope that someday I’ll find it, but who could possibley want to be with me now after iv become so bitter and hurt? I wonder how I can feel so broken-hearted all the time without ever being in love? On the outside, I present as rather stoic, and serious, when once I was the life of the party, but on the inside, I’m crying, and screaming in my agony, I worry how il end up if I keep feeling this way, on the occasions I feel anything at all.

Benzaiten43 Ashamed I'm straight?
  • replies: 6

I have been questioning my sexuality over the last couple of months and I happen to have a crush on a guy at the moment (I'm a girl). I can't even imagine having a serious relationship with another girl or any other gender. because of this I'm beginn... View more

I have been questioning my sexuality over the last couple of months and I happen to have a crush on a guy at the moment (I'm a girl). I can't even imagine having a serious relationship with another girl or any other gender. because of this I'm beginning to question whether I'm really pansexual or not. I think I may have just been caught up in the hype and thought subconsciously to myself that I could better fit in with my friends if I weren't straight. Maybe I was faking all along?? this was more or less a rant but if any of you could share your thoughts on what I am experiencing that would be great!

brightpanic Coming out to best friend?!?!?
  • replies: 3

I’ve never done this before so sorry if I get anything wrong, and it’s also a topic that I tend to be pretty nervous about so if I sound kind of all over the place, that’s probably why. Anyways so I’m having a sleepover with my best friend tomorrow n... View more

I’ve never done this before so sorry if I get anything wrong, and it’s also a topic that I tend to be pretty nervous about so if I sound kind of all over the place, that’s probably why. Anyways so I’m having a sleepover with my best friend tomorrow night (conveniently coming out day which I swear wasn’t planned) and I was thinking of coming out to her but I don’t really know how to go about it? Like I think she supports the LGBTQ+ community, but I’m scared I’m gonna say something and she’s going to hate me or things will be weird between us - shes straight (as far as I know) and I don’t have any feelings for her so that’s not an issue, I just dont know how to not make it weird - and how do you know what label to use as well? I feel like I’m pansexual, but should I just say bi or even just say I like people and don’t really have a preference so she understands? AND on top of that, I have anxiety (which is still being a real pain), depression (which has been getting better) and OCD tendencies so I’m really really nervous about it My parents support me, and though they might not understand it completely, then accepting me isn’t an issue. I just really need help, and coming out and even being gay in the first place has really stressed me out and made me anxious, and I feel like I’m lying to people and putting on a pretend face when I’m out with friends and it’s really really sucky (sorry not the best at expressing myself) - I feel like I need to tell my friend, but yeh, anyone have any tips?

Byzantium I'm attracted to my same sex freind
  • replies: 5

Hello, firstly thank you for taking the time to read this. Until this year i have never really considered myself anything other than straight. The fact of the matter is now i don't know that i am and in all honesty that is slightly scary. I do not se... View more

Hello, firstly thank you for taking the time to read this. Until this year i have never really considered myself anything other than straight. The fact of the matter is now i don't know that i am and in all honesty that is slightly scary. I do not see myself as homophobic or anything of that nature i just never expected myself to have such strong feeling towards someone of the same gender. In reality i think i do still feel some shame and i'm not exactly sure why that is. I have known this person for many years and are very good friends. i have only felt this way this year. I think its also important to note i'm 18 so its not the first time i have ever found myself attracted to someone. Really i am just scared because i don't want to say anything in case i do end up losing them altogether, the thought of that is horrifying. But at the same time i feel like bottling up my feelings is not doing wonders for my mental health. I really don't know what i'm expecting in any replies. I just feel stuck right now.

TealRibbon Exploring gender & sexuality in my 40s
  • replies: 4

Good morning everyone, I've posted this in another thread, but think it should be here instead. I feel a bit like a teenager, exploring, reading about LGBT and trying to find my true self. It is interesting and upsetting, but at least I am opening up... View more

Good morning everyone, I've posted this in another thread, but think it should be here instead. I feel a bit like a teenager, exploring, reading about LGBT and trying to find my true self. It is interesting and upsetting, but at least I am opening up to new possibilities. I remember and question things now, like always being a tomboy, my first love being same-sex...and then I got caught up in a hetero life... I feel better for looking into the possibilities, but won't make any life decisions until I feel a bit more stable with my mental health. Same-sex? The words & questions are all still new to me Well same-sex back then was girl-girl. Now I live in a relationship as a woman with a man. I question my own gender and my sexuality and find it all pretty confusing. But I had advise to just explore and not to put pressure on myself and that it will never be too late to make a decision. So I take my time. I actually love my partner, but we haven’t had intimacy for a while now. I’m going through trauma therapy for CSA as well, so my world is pretty much turned upside down I thought more about the question of same-sex, girl-girl. Now this is where I get confused. Yes it was a girl and I was a girl, but back then I passed as a boy, probably until my mid teens and even sometimes in my early 20s. I had a boyish nickname, short hair and I’ve always been around boys, now men. I knew back then that gay people existed, we had a guy in school who was gay. That was pretty much all I knew about sexuality. Gender wasn’t even discussed in my little town. So I went into a hetero relationship and have been there ever since. Refused to have children. And always had this desire that I just wanted people to accept me as me, just the way I am - whatever that is. And that’s what I am trying to figure out. I can’t believe I walked around this world with the biggest blinders on my eyes! Can anyone identify with this? I know I cannot be the only person who just completely blocked any other possibility out of their life, I know I've blocked my CSA very well until a few years ago, I guess gender & sexuality question got lost in that same blockade. Thanks x

HappyGirlTea Feeling really lonely and sad
  • replies: 12

Hi, I am an 18 year old girl and I think I am gay or maybe bi. I don’t really know right now how I identify. I am so afraid that my family is going to hate me because of this. I know that even if my parents accept me the rest of my family definitely ... View more

Hi, I am an 18 year old girl and I think I am gay or maybe bi. I don’t really know right now how I identify. I am so afraid that my family is going to hate me because of this. I know that even if my parents accept me the rest of my family definitely will not which really hurts me. Every time I talk to them I can’t help think about what they would do if they knew. I am also really scared that I will never feel okay with myself and that I won’t ever be able to be open about it because I feel so ashamed. I wish I had people I could talk to who understand but I don’t and I don’t know how to find that. Even if I did I think I would be afraid to speak. Next year I will be going to university and I hope that this will mean I have more opportunity to find such people. But like I said I’m so scared. I don’t even know why but I think it is because my mum always would say negative things about gay people. It was never direct but it was implied and has really affected me. I know that I could speak with people online to feel less lonely but I just want to have real friends who actually understand. I feel so trapped in my situation right now and I don’t know how to get out of it. I also really find it hard because I talk about everything with my mum and so not having told her this is really hard. Even if she did know I doubt she would be able to help me anyway because I think it would really upset her to know that I don’t want a husband and children. I feel so angry at her for making me feel so bad about myself because of this because now I feel I will hate myself forever. Anyway I could write more but this is all I can say for now. Sorry if this is a rambling mess, it’s really difficult for me to put all my thoughts down logically.

DGorBust My moral dilemma
  • replies: 7

40yo IT professional. Together with my wife for 16 years, married for 13, 9yo daughter, 6yo son. A good life.. Highly stressful job, heavily relied upon at times. But good coin, no worries about how to pay the mortgage or fill up the car, or any of t... View more

40yo IT professional. Together with my wife for 16 years, married for 13, 9yo daughter, 6yo son. A good life.. Highly stressful job, heavily relied upon at times. But good coin, no worries about how to pay the mortgage or fill up the car, or any of that. We travel overseas every year.. We have a caravan so we can get away every other long weekend. Good times. I love my kids so much. But lets cut to the chase and be, and no pun intended, straight… I’ve always been bi-curious. I’ve never allowed myself to fully believe it, or admit it, until recently. I have now fully accepted it. In hindsight it was plainly obvious. Clear as day. I just never allowed myself to accept it because I wanted the easy life. Therefor I never allowed myself to own up to who i truly am. That would make life difficult. The stigma, the taboo. It’s not that my family would’ve have supported me.. but I didn’t feel accepted by society. Bear in mind I’m thinking back 30 years here. So now here I am. I’ve admitted I’m very much bisexual to myself, and that feels good.. and also bad, and confusing.. I’m married with kids now. I want to stop fantasising and want to experience. I want to know. But I don’t think I can. It feels morally reprehensible. My wife, my kids, my family, my friends. I’d be cheating on all of them. Then there are times… times when I think “one life, so live it”. I hate myself for these times. I can’t let myself break my vows. I made them in front of our family, our friends, and being a religious ceremony, God. I’m more Agnostic than anything, but still, it is what it is. So all this wins out, and I’ve always remained true. I can hear all the responses before even putting this out there.. just talk about it. Open up. Blah-de-f-ing-blah. I also know how that will end too. not well btw. But it’s probably something I’d like to think I’d admit to if the opportunity arrises. these fantasies come though, they’re driving me nuts. I don’t feel shame for my attractions or my fantasies. I’m proud of every aspect of who I am, and what I’ve achieved. I think what I’m struggling with is I wish i knew this before now, before kids, before marriage. So I could experience this, lived out my fantasies. Got this out of my mind or knew for sure where I fit. Now I feel trapped. I could easily do it. Try this out and no one would any the wiser. But would I hate myself even more for doing so. Or should I live with potential regret for not acting sooner for the rest of my life.

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