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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Grints40 I've conceded I'll always be lonely, how do I cope?
  • replies: 5

I'm a 40 year old guy who has finally realised I'm never going to have friends, will never wake up with anyone again, will never have anyone to just "hang" with. I need help accepting this and coping. A bit of background, I moved to Perth from Victor... View more

I'm a 40 year old guy who has finally realised I'm never going to have friends, will never wake up with anyone again, will never have anyone to just "hang" with. I need help accepting this and coping. A bit of background, I moved to Perth from Victoria 15 years ago and despite getting involved with 2 groups of people, after 18 months and a couple of silly falling outs I found myself with no one to do anything with, no one to talk to, broke and stuck in a city thousands of kilometers from my family. Its in this environment I met a guy who I ended up being in a 10 year relationship with (I am gay). In this 10 years I failed to make any friends so when we split I found myself very much alone. Over the past 4 years I've tried to join groups of people with common interests, approach work people with common interests who I get along well with but still my phone never rings and every time I ask anyone if they want to do anything outside of the setting we've met in I get the "I'm pretty busy..." line followed by excuses as to why we can't catch up. I get that I'm very socially awkward and this makes it hard, and I'm also aware that by my age most people have their group or families but it doesn't make constantly doing the things I enjoy alone any easier. I'm constantly watching groups of friends have a blast when they get together and wondering why I can't, or have never been included... As in where's my group? I guess the final kick in the guts came just before new Years last year. Not long after leaving my relationship I had a chance meeting with someone who actually seemed to like me and have lots of common interests. Despite the fact I'm in Perth and they are in the eastern states I decided to pursue the friendship. For a while there was genuine interest but when we caught up again it felt like he would have been happier alone than with me - I tried to ignore this but it was impossible to when a few months later I asked to catch up again and got the "I'm busy" crap. This is someone who fly's all over the country to spend time with people but wouldn't even spend time with me when it was me willing to make all the effort. Im basicly only still here because I have a dog. Without him I have no reason to wake up. The constant rejection from everyone I approach has got me so depressed I can't even think how I'm going to survive another maybe 30 or 40 years alone. I've conceded - how do I accept this??

Dangerous_D First post romantically confused
  • replies: 12

Hi all just a little/ lot confused what to do, about 5 years ago we lost a child which led to depression both my wife and I (unbenone to me for 4 years) I sort help just getting back on my feet but my wife stopped early, long story short we separated... View more

Hi all just a little/ lot confused what to do, about 5 years ago we lost a child which led to depression both my wife and I (unbenone to me for 4 years) I sort help just getting back on my feet but my wife stopped early, long story short we separated we have 2 kids together but she has 2 to her first husband which one lives with me full time, but my big issue is for a long time even when married I always thought/ looked at the same sex I’ve never acted on anything but I can’t stop looking and thinking I want something to happen but I’m scared as it could affect the kids (Society stigma ect) I feel lost and scared I don’t care what people say about me I worry a lot for the kids they r my world but after seeing a therapist for depression I was told to put myself first but that was for small things these thoughts could affect too many people

Emily1963 So I search the internet seeking a cure.
  • replies: 6

I struggle with who I am. So I search the internet seeking a cure. I know I'm a female. I know I'm transgender. And in my heart I know I must be me and want to be me. But I'm still conflicted with my confused and inconsistent feelings. So I search th... View more

I struggle with who I am. So I search the internet seeking a cure. I know I'm a female. I know I'm transgender. And in my heart I know I must be me and want to be me. But I'm still conflicted with my confused and inconsistent feelings. So I search the internet seeking a cure. I have tried to hide and when I could no longer hide the price I paid was high. But the price others paid was much higher than the price that I paid. And the price goes on and the expenses and strains on life are real. So I search the internet seeking a cure. Now that I'm transitioning, I like to be who I am. And all the while I struggle with who I am. I have HRT so my body can also be who I am. But changes are slow and very inconsistent. So I search the internet seeking a cure. All the time thinking, What if I find it? Because I want to be me. What if there is a cure? But I need to be me. What then? So I search the internet seeking a cure. My life is a struggle and yet still I push on. Because I secretly hope that one day I'll wake up and just be me. But in a world that hates the transgender I am, How can I ever be me? So I search the internet seeking a cure.

Internalized Gender Fluid Dilema
  • replies: 4

So this is like a combined intro post and question. I hope my question will lead into some positive responses and start a discussion about being Gender Fluid. I was very challenged to think up a new alias I have not used previously. I choose the nick... View more

So this is like a combined intro post and question. I hope my question will lead into some positive responses and start a discussion about being Gender Fluid. I was very challenged to think up a new alias I have not used previously. I choose the nickname Internalized, because one of my biggest problems is internalized transphobia of all different kinds. I am late diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria, have a host of mental illneses, and unpredictably switch between genders. I am also being treated by several physicians, am prescribed several medications, and was assigned male at birth. When I switch to a masculine way of thinking it is no big deal, I actually feel pretty neutral, and still quite effiminate. If I am wearing a dress in public when this happens, I feel a little silly, but I don't feel reverse dysphoria is a problem. If I switch to a feminine way of thinking while dressed in mens clothing, bad feelings happen. If I cannot change into womens clothes, I will shift my male clothes, so I am wearing them in an effeminate way. I cannot explain what happens if my dysphoria gets out of control. Hence my dilema, most of the time I am adverse to sex, but because I can't talk about it specifically in most support structures, I feel ostracized. My doctors ask a lot of very personal questions, but honestly answering them frankly doesn't make me feel safer, rather it heightens my awareness of uniqueness. The continued onslaught of the toxic political debate means I feel I can no longer go out in public safely dressed part way in womens and mens clothes. This would relieve a lot of my anxiety, but in practice, it attracts a lot more abuse from other people. I feel that identifying as Gender Fluid is not negotiable, it isn't a choice, it is a physical part of me, but even people in the LGBT- (minus sign intentional) community treat me like a freak. So my question is, would there be a simplier way of describing myself, than using MtF Transgender, Transfeminine, Gender Fluid, Bisexual, Skilosexual, and Gray Asexual? Simply saying I am Gender Fluid, raises far too many questions about my veracity.

Etho Confused. I'm in love with him.
  • replies: 10

Hi. Thanks for having me here. My name is Ethan. I've been married for 3 years and I have 2 children. I am 29 years old. But I have a problem. I am also into men. Until now, this has never been an issue for me. I have kept it secret. I have no reason... View more

Hi. Thanks for having me here. My name is Ethan. I've been married for 3 years and I have 2 children. I am 29 years old. But I have a problem. I am also into men. Until now, this has never been an issue for me. I have kept it secret. I have no reason to tell a single soul about it. Why would I when I have a good relationship, great kids and a great job - Life is great. I don't believe my wife needs to know this as I've never seen why this is relevant for her or to anyone else to know that I also find males attractive. (I find females as as, possibly more attractive in some ways). I have continued to live my life and enjoyed it. However, life has thrown an epic curve ball at me. I have fell in love with a friend. A male friend. He is all I ever think about. It's been like this for the past 6 months or so. Not only is he very attractive, he has an amazing personality. To make things even more confusing, I have a feeling that he is also bixsexual, based on some of the things he has said to me in the past etc. I won't go into them all here, but some were sexual (just joking around, but some were out of context and I was like....why would he even say that?) and some were just lovely things he said about me. There's other mannerisms and things as well. I have also suspected. The makes the situation a whole lot worse because I know now, that if I happened to tell him the way I feel, I fear that something could happen between us if he also feels the same way. I don't really want that? I feel like just never telling him. Just leaving it at that. Somehow get over it perhaps? But I can't. How can you just "get over" love? How?? A few weeks ago I decided that there was no point ever telling him. Since then though, it's got worse. I have serious anxiety problems. It's all I think about. If I receive a text message, I wonder if it's from him. I replay stuff in my head constantly about him. What he would say if I told him. Can I trust him NOT to tell anyone else? If he tells someone else and it gets around, my marriage is ruined. My life is ruined. I am happy with how my life is today, I don't want that to be ruined! I feel that urge to tell him. This urge is getting worse and worse to the point where I was out with him the other day and I felt like pulling him aside and just telling him. I feel as though I should just tell him how I feel. Just to "get it out there". I don't care if it's via text, I think I have to do it. But what if it turns out to be worse? Help!

Lyf_is_hard What am i?
  • replies: 3

So im really confused. I'm 15 and male and have been confused about my sexuality for around a year now. I go through periods were i will have primaraly gay thoughts but then a period where i have primaraly straight thoughts. I am not physically attra... View more

So im really confused. I'm 15 and male and have been confused about my sexuality for around a year now. I go through periods were i will have primaraly gay thoughts but then a period where i have primaraly straight thoughts. I am not physically attracted to men and never really have been. I dont naturally find them atttactive and always naturally find girls attractive. I would never consider a relationship with a guy. I definetly would be inteterested in a relationship both sexually and romantically with a girl. The issue comes with sexual attraction. Althoigh i dont find men physically appealing i have sexual thoughts about men. I have stronger sexual feelings towards girls. But this small lingering sexual desiers for men that i get occasionally is really confusing me. I need help because this is all i think about and its causing me heaps of anxiety and depreasion.

Callum_a Am I bisexual?
  • replies: 13

I sit here struggling to put words on the page. I am not comfortable with this topic at all. I’m currently seeing a psychologist and I haven’t been able to discuss anything about sexuality yet. I’ve always thought of myself as a straight male, I neve... View more

I sit here struggling to put words on the page. I am not comfortable with this topic at all. I’m currently seeing a psychologist and I haven’t been able to discuss anything about sexuality yet. I’ve always thought of myself as a straight male, I never had any thoughts about being gay when I was younger though I was shocked when people said they thought I was gay. I feel like I have to confront this. I get thoughts about men all the time. I get the same thing with women as well, I grew up attracted to girls. It’s recent that I’ve had thoughts about men. I know that I’m somewhere on the spectrum but I am absolutely terrified of taking any action. It’s like I’ve been slugged with this issue that is affecting all other areas of my life. Also, I am 21 years male.

locko42 Not ready to come out?
  • replies: 6

I recently completed year 12 and it was probably the worse day of my life. After a shitty last day feeling lonely and out of place, I had just finished school with no real friends and not fitting in. I spent the entire remainder of my day watching Ne... View more

I recently completed year 12 and it was probably the worse day of my life. After a shitty last day feeling lonely and out of place, I had just finished school with no real friends and not fitting in. I spent the entire remainder of my day watching Netflix whilst everyone else was out celebrating. Whilst feeling depressed at home my mum continuously asked me what was bothering me. I couldn't tell her, I hate opening up and talking about my feelings. Finally, I agreed and told her. She then started to cry and I knew what she was about to ask me. "Are you gay"? I said yes whilst cupping my hands in my face and crying. All that was going through my mind was, no no no this can't be happening. I was hoping this a bad dream i could wake up from, but no it was the reality. I couldn't look at her, this was the one thing I had been trying so hard to hide. She thought by asking me this would make me feel relieved but it did the opposite, only she was relieved in this situation. The problem isn't she is not accepting of me but it's the fact that I haven't accepted the fact that I am gay. She continued to say that she and dad had known for a long time but this not what I wanted to hear. My goal had been to hide it until i was ready to tell people, i have never been in a relationship, I wanted to explore that first. I am just really confused at his point and I can't move on from it. I am a consistently replaying the moment she asked me if I was gay, it terrifies me. What can i do to move on from this?

Barefoot29 So confused
  • replies: 1

Hey currently I'm so confused and its eating away at me inside I wanna try stuff with a guy but on the other side I dont I'm so scared I find it hard to make friends without asking stupid things at time because my curious side kicks in is it wrong if... View more

Hey currently I'm so confused and its eating away at me inside I wanna try stuff with a guy but on the other side I dont I'm so scared I find it hard to make friends without asking stupid things at time because my curious side kicks in is it wrong if I wanna try stuff Currently i think I suffer with depression today is a bad day where I had a friend add me and he started asking weird things so I did too make it even sorta but it turned back on me that I was the creep and this made my life so hard I'm struggling today at work I dont want to be around people because I'm scared something is gonna happen.. like being caught for something bad or everyone finding out.. my lifes so hard i have no idea what to do Please someone help with guidance

harDonna Stuck in Rut and the ladder in my stockings only gets worse
  • replies: 1

What you are about to read, if you so choose to peruse beyond the title, is a verbal vomiting of my thoughts and emotions of where I am, both mentally and physically as a person, a polaroid of my NOW… I apologise firstly for the lack of grammar and p... View more

What you are about to read, if you so choose to peruse beyond the title, is a verbal vomiting of my thoughts and emotions of where I am, both mentally and physically as a person, a polaroid of my NOW… I apologise firstly for the lack of grammar and possible waning of structure to this prose but as aforementioned this is ME, spewing out words as I attempt to release the pressure I have self-imposed upon myself, that grows and festers with compounding negative interest. Thoughts that plague the mind with every second of every day, through sleepness nights and seemingly endless days as the clock ticks, forever adding to my mental list of inactions and inability to honestly face my demons and respectfully give the people I should be caring for, my eternal love… something that has sadly diminished as I have slipped into an emotionless mindset. Unable to FEEL. Unable to GIVE. I have become a void, a blank space, black hole or unexplainable enigma within myself and even though I DO actually know the answers to my self-questioning, I find myself powerless to action such simple motions that will inevitably begin my positive resurgence and have me back in the ‘land of the living’’……born again and at the ready to take on all of life’s challenges set before me, knowing that I have the strength and resilience to conquer all. A strength, ….. more personal trait, wielded with confidence as if an ethereal weapon , that has protected me for my forty year existence thus far. ….and more importantly take off and discard all the masks that I have sported through life’s lies up until now. Masks that have had me imprisoned all this time due to socio pressures and public non-acceptance. Faking happiness with a smile and over-exaggerated positivity. Never able to be honest and true to anyone……………. particularly MYSELF. I AM DONNA. I AM PROUD and transitioning from male to female at the age of 42 years young. For the last 14 months I have lived and breathed as whom I believe to be the true me, Woman. I have left behind and mentally burnt all my previous 'male' stuff in the way of self cleansing and continually grow into ME, growing stronger ,more comfortable in my skin and confidently brush off the ogling, leering and/or disgusted mufflings from the shallow minded, all with a cheeky grin... and I feel empowered. The most positive observation I have made is that there is an amazing amount of acceptance towards me and my journey...BUT THAT DOESN'T HELP ME GET BACK MY KIDS