My dad is voting "no" in the postal vote...how do I tell him about me.........

[melbtown123]

So my dad is conservative and is voting no in the upcoming same sex marriage postal vote. I have known for about 6 months now that I am bisexual. I have not told my dad (or family or 95% of my friends) and I don't think I could ever tell my dad if he votes no, I don't think I could live with that reality or hide it for the rest of my life. I would be the only gay person in my family! It feels like there is a 50% chance he will reject me and still vote no - he has a bad temper and it could end up in a very bad argument. I currently have a boyfriend but that doesn't mean I'm straight and only ever want to date boys, one day I might bring a girl home. Basically I am scared to tell him (I've cried about it a few times) even though I find it to be normal and not a weird thing to be bisexual or sexually diverse. He does not think this for some reason. I want to tell him before he votes and hopefully he changes his vote to a YES in support and acceptance of me. Basically the main reason I am scared to come out is my dad... I'm not sure what it means if he rejects me and still votes no. He's not a bad man, he's just conservative and has a temper especially when confronted with something that makes him uncomfortable. Any advice on how I can handle this will be very appreciated as I know I have to tell him before he votes, I shake with nerves thinking about telling him and since I'm not out I don't have anyone to talk about this with. (I'm a 21 y/o girl).

[geoff]

hi Melbtown, thanks for posting your comment and please don't be afraid being on this site, there are many people who will be in the same position as you are, perhaps some who only read the thread and don't reply.
Does he have to know and I say this because people bring home friends of the same sex or the opposite and this still happens when you get older.
If however you do tell him then he is going to carry on about it continually, you don't need this to happen, let his imagination wander, he doesn't have to know, so why don't you keep it to yourself. Geoff.

[kanga_brumby]

Melbtown my daughter is bi sexual she came out earlier this year. My initial thought was to much information for a farther to have not needed to know that. To private and personnel for me to know. It did not change how I felt toward her at all. She is still my daughter. How she votes is how she votes. I would like her to vote for equal rights for people to marry the only criteria should be can people get married now if my church tells me not to marry two people its the church or my belief in the church that has to change.

Your farther may be accepting of your sexuality all you should do is have a quiet chat with him let him know where you stand

[kanga_brumby]

Melbtown my daughter is bi sexual she came out earlier this year. My initial thought was to much information for a farther to have not needed to know that. To private and personnel for me to know. It did not change how I felt toward her at all. She is still my daughter. How she votes is how she votes. I would like her to vote for equal rights for people to marry the only criteria should be can people get married now if my church tells me not to marry two people its the church or my belief in the church that has to change.

Your farther may be accepting of your sexuality all you should do is have a quiet chat with him let him know where you stand

[Lonelydan]

Hi Melbtown, welcome to beyond blue, Im a gay male the best thing is to be out to yourself. If you think your father will have a big reaction don't tell him especially if there's a chance of violence. As an adult your sex life is your business, people will either get it or not these nots are the ones to avoid. If your father wishes to vote no that is his decision tell him you will be voting yes and I'm so glad I'm not gay I'd probably not have a father any more you would no longer love me guilt trips from daughters work mine has me wrapped around her little finger. Dan..

[Starwolf]

Hi Melbtown123,

Being torn between the urge to come out and keeping peace within the family is not a comfortable position to be in. The question is how important is it for you to reveal your sexual preferences and are you willing to compromise your relationship with your father to do so ?

Perhaps you could start slowly and cautiously by asking your father to explain his reasons for voting no. If a honest, CALM discussion is at all possible, it will give you a clearer idea of where exactly he is at. I hope he can in turn listen to your reasons for voting yes...if the discussion can go that far. A first step towards figuring how best to handle the situation.

I agree that keeping your inclinations to yourself might be the way to go for now. The situation may require a different approach in the future should you decide to move in with a female partner...or if the thought of not being accepted for who/what you are becomes unacceptable.

[Lostflutterby]

I know how you feel. Maybe bring up the general conversation and mention your view without saying why. Or say something in regard to the stigma around sexuality and that youre voting yes because you never know who is hiding and everyone deserves to be happy (or something like that). I think that if theres a chance he will just get angry and vote no anyway. Then you may be better off not saying anything until you have to. I was in a relationship with a man for 6.5 years and we have two kids. Ive known im bi since i was 16- over ten years. But never said anything to my family until i had to (after we split up). Their reaction wasnt good but they dealt with it over time. I hope ive said something useful. Good luck 🙂

[treasure83]

Hi melbtown

I recently came out to my mum as bi because of her saying she would be voting no. I'm in my 30s, and I've been out for a while, just not to most of my conservative/religious family. I just felt like it was a good time to talk about the issue. I think she is still probably voting no, she hasn't been open about that.

I think coming out can be hard and that you will probably need support dealing with your dad's opinion or temper. Without support it will be emotionally (and possibly physically) unsafe and I would suggest trying to find supportive people who know the situation before you talk to your dad.

All the best.

[Just Sara]

Hi and a huge LGBTI welcome Melbtown!

Such a big situation on such young shoulders. 😕 I honestly feel for you hun.

I read your words carefully and found two distinctive issues; 1 - coming out, and 2 - worrying about your dad's views and response to 'you', his little girl.

Both of course cross paths emotionally. However, coming out is about 'you' and your future. Your dad's response and views are about 'him'. Do you see the distinction?

Coming out to parents is the biggest hurdle of all. We have and will always be their 'child'. And, in the presence of our parents, we nearly always feel like children too.

Therefore, building confidence and a mature sense of self first is the best way to approach when and how you come out to him.

This voting situation has incited a massive out-pouring of emotions and issues for the whole community. Us oldies have experience and 'life' under our belts yet we 'still' struggle. So it's no wonder you feel in such a pickle. At this stage of your life, YOU are the biggest priority ok. Not SSM.

Take a long deep breath, settle and accept (for now) it's not a quick fix situation. You're developing and growing into what I think is an amazing self aware woman. The reason for slowing things down is to learn how to communicate better. Practice, make mistakes and learn from them before you take that leap.

It took me until I was in my 30's to say "No!" to my mum. Go figure! I was the 'strong' one and I cowered like a little girl in her presence. Here I am yrs later and still haven't come out to her; it's pointless. You see, I don't need her approval anymore and it's none of her business. It really isn't!

I really hope I've helped hun. I want to see you thrive as an individual and bisexual identity.

Take care and please let us know how the story pans out. Would love to hear...

Warm thoughts;

Sez x

[Zebra41319]

This is very similar to me