My 11yo son thinks gay.

[Jane1980]

Hi everyone, I’m hoping for a little advice please. My 11 year old son told me today that he thinks he might be gay and he’s been feeling like it for the last 4 months or so.

I guess my question is would he know at 11 years old? Is he curious and confused?

We’ve had a really good talk with him this afternoon, and he knows he has our support no matter what, I just don’t really know what to do from here to support him.

Thank you.

[ecomama]

Dear Jane1980

You're doing a great job being there for your son, it's a wonderful compliment to your relationship with your son that he could come to you to talk about how he's feeling.

There's help out there for your son and for you and your husband too. It can be a scary time if parents are not prepared for this topic with their kids, maybe worried they'll say the wrong thing etc. It's okay. The kids helpline is available if your son wants to talk to someone outside the family. He may not be ready for this but it's good to tell him this is available for him now and at any time in the future.

I Pray the world wakes up to itself and I love the idea of the time when no has to "come out" yes, most definitely.

IME love and acceptance in all cases is the greatest gift we can give to our children.

Best wishes, you're doing a great job.
EM

[geoff]

Hello Jane, and welcome.

There have been so many good comments and don't want to intrude but it's a good topic.

For him to tell you at his age that he might be gay means the communication between you is open and that's good and secondly, the way he feels is not any indication or any fault of yours, simply because, if a parent tells their child to love doing something they despise, then it's only going to make them hate it even more.

At 11 and just because he has a friend/s he really likes is no different to how I felt at that stage, they were mates, we went to the same class, played the same sport and travelled part of the way home plus I went to an all boys school, but was married for 25 years.

You are doing everything you feel is right, and just because he has a male friend doesn't mean he's gay, he's associated this word after hearing or actually seeing it himself, he's too young to realise what the term means.

A great deal can happen before he's 21 and much to learn.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Bowie_Fandom_64]

It can be difficult to tell at such a young age, but i would say that considering he is so young and has told you about it, he probably is. A lot of people sometimes discredit discovering you gender or sexuality at a young age, but really, when you know you know.

I personally think if he were confused or questioning, he would come out as bi first. But if he honestly has no interest in girls at the age most boys become interested in girls, i think he knows

But really, everyone is different, and his personal journey will be different from everyone else's. The best thing to do is just support him no matter what, and to just be there for him, no matter what he will turn out great, i'm sure 🙂 ❤️

[Bowie_Fandom_64]

I think you have some valid points, but a lot of people know there gender and sexuality at very young ages. For example, i knew i was Pansexual at 12. Everyone's journey is different, and i don't think we should dicredit people for their age. He could just be questioning, but he might actually be gay.

As long, as he is supported through this journey. ❤️

[Scottr1]

Hi Jane,

Just wanted to say thank you for posting and congratulations on the great relationship you have with your boy.

The fact he is coming to you and having open communications means a great deal and he trusts you.

In terms of him knowing if he is gay at such a young age, well. . . I can really only comment on myself being a gay 40 year old guy. At age 11 while I don’t feel I experienced sexual attraction towards the same sex, it was probably a couple of years early for that, I do remember having an infatuation with my guy friends and knew I had feelings for my male friends that were not there for the girls. I would say that was my sexuality starting to develop.

In terms of your son, I would just follow his lead, and of course set limits as you would with any straight kids, like monitoring his internet usage, knowing who is friends are, sleep overs with doors open.

again, great work Jane.

[Mattstar]

When I told my Mum she didn't speak to me for 3 years. She's fine with it now but I felt even more like there was something wrong with me. It can be quite damaging.

If he (or any child) said hey Mum, I think I'm straight, how would you react? Think about that for a little while and you will know exactly how to deal with this.