Dear New Member~
Welcome here to the Forum, I'm glad you can as your current situation is terribly bad for you, nobody should be driven to the point of taking their life to try to stay in an unhappy relationship.
Please excuse me for being blunt, however it seems not only does your wife not accept you as you are, but wants to punish you and at the same time not release you.
While having affairs is a moot point you have been open and honest about them, it is often the lies and pretense that does the most harm
If you had young children maybe matters would be different, however that is not the case, your kids are adults and know you are bi/gay and have accepted you for the person you are.
When I was very suicidal it was my circumstances that drove me to that point, and leaving it made a world of difference. That constant re-enforcing pressure was no longer there. Psychiatrists did little good until I left, than it was a whole different matter.
You can see where I'm heading, your main fear if you separate is that you will not be able to see your children, however they are adults and and I would hope can make their own minds up.
If you were to decide to leave a marriage after 30 years it will no doubt be a pretty daunting matter and I'd suggest getting help, however as you have been together for so long and still say your wife is a great lady perhaps before doing anything else I'd suggest you see if you can try couples counceling.
I'd recommend Relationships Australia as being pretty effective, if they do not have a center near you then they may be able to suggest somewhere closer.
I'd also suggest, if you have not done so already getting in touch with QLIFE who would certainly have expereince of your situation
Do you have anyone in your life to give you the support you most certainly need? A family member or friend perhaps? Facing this all on your own is extra hard.
Remember you will always be welcome here.
Croix
