I Feel like I'm Fake

[LittleMissAlice]

Hello there!

This is my first time doing this... Um, I guess I'll just start?

Hellooooooo, my name is Marie, I've been transgender for a while now (maybe 2 years? I don't know) but recently I've been feeling very Down In The Dumps about it all.

I think it just randomly kicked in that, while I'm female in my head, I'll never, ever be able to be fully, biologically female, which is a bit depressing, obviously.

I've just been feeling like I'll always be fake, no matter what I do. That I'll never have the right experiences, the right body, the right anything to be, I don't know, correct.

Theres also the realisation that it's done. There's no second chances or second lives or anything, I had one shot, and this one stupid little chromosome screwed it up. I'll never have that chance again, which is also incredibly depressing

So yeah

Im just feeling like I'll always be fake and I'm not really sure how to deal with those emotions, and I usually operate better when someone else tells me how to do stuff lol

Thanks, probably?

- Marie xo

[Jo8049]

Hi Sarah

Have been reading here for a few months before I first posted. Like so many I have kept the door to other spirit (real me) closed since fist memories.

Only discovered NB late 2019. Blurted out mid May 20 on telephone consult with psych that I though I was NB and it has accelerated since then . Have a face to face early Feb and so much to talk with her .There is no one in area here to talk with or in the industry I still do some work in .

It is so good to have this space, thank you all ( a couple of lovely people have answered questions etc and that is very appreciated) for so welcoming and inclusive of all here .I learn more about the diversity of life every time Im here. No longer alone in a big beautiful country . Sigh

XXX hugs and love to all Jo W

[Aaronsis]

Hey Jo8049

Well that is so brave of you and I am so glad that you did blurt it out, I can only imagine the relief and the joy and all the emotions that went with not only acknowledging this but saying it out loud and owning it, how wonderful.

So many do read, and feel apart of the community here long before they ever post, some never post, that is the beauty of this that it is for everyone to share and to get support and sometimes and that is just from reading and connecting with people who are posting a very similar story to their own.

If you did want to start your own thread too that could be helpful and would invite others to join you in your journey too.

I am constantly learning here, and finding out about people and about new ways in which people get help and heal and also the biggest thing is the love and support, it makes me happy every day.

Hope to chat to you some more Jo8049.

Hugs

Sarah

[Jo8049]

Hi , Jo here again .Q . If one has had steadily increasing gender dysphoria over a long time can it become gender euphoria with the awakening and acceptance of the true self . Also does it ebb and flow or just settle to the warm comfortable feeling from where all looks very beautiful ?

Would love to chat over time Sarah and share . As I am new here I feel a bit reserved , probably not necessary . I am continually reading and finding many new bits to pick out and put together .

Have a strong desire to help anyone I can but from where I am ( geographically ) it is difficult . A lot will happen early next month and I shall keep you posted on that .

Thank you all again , warm hugs Jo

[Aaronsis]

Hey Jo8049

I was thinking and I am not sure how you feel about this but maybe of you starting a thread of your own which will also invite others to come and chat and also share their experiences with how they are going and what is going on for them with regards to their gender, confusion around that , how they are feeling and how they manage it.

I hear what you are saying in where does the line blurr from fantasy and an obsession with something to "maybe this is real". I think though if something is causing a stir inside of you it needs to be addressed no matter what the content is, that it awakening something in you for you to pay attention to.

Also as you say, helping others, and as you know yourself, so many read here, learn from these posts and put together things to help themselves so those that can post and share are really playing an important role too for those that are not able to post yet, or simply dont.

How are you feeling today? I hope that there is something to make you smile.

Hugs

Sarah

[Jo8049]

Thank you Sarah. Going to start work on that this day . Might take a little time ( or not ) so keep an eye out for it . Would still in the dysphoric desert if not for BBF . Thankx all .

Happy safe day everybody , love Jo

[Buddy_Pal_Guy]

hi marie 🙂

i don't know how it feels to be trans.

but i think you are a real woman. i'm sorry you feel fake. people can be so cruel and ignorant.

i don't really have anything helpful to share with you. but you are not fake. i hope you won't feel this way forever.

you are real 🙂

[Jo8049]

Hi Sarah , just reading on this thread as I do . Your post that has the bit about the deadname and the little boy within . Always have a tear there . Very thankful to have this space and all of you here . Just saying hi really . ( high stress time for next couple of days for me ) . All good I hope .

Been having a little go at trying to get the cafe thread going a bit to . Will slowly keep at that to . Thanks again for being there and Marie I do hope your world is full of colour these days .

xx hugs and lol to you all , Jo W

[Aaronsis]

Good Morning Jo W

It makes me so happy to read that you get the support that you need from so many different threads here on the forum, the blessings here are so many and the things we learn, people we "meet" and the new ways we hear how others cope and manage is so wonderful.

With regards to a deadname, it really is such a huge part of the growth in becoming who you truely are inside and having a name that you do identify with and growing into that name and owning your true self. It is hard for others to learn your new chosen name and mistakes do happen from time to time when people forget or are learning new pronouns and names, but the main thing is that as long as they are trying that is key. In saying that no everyone understands or wants to understand and that is still a small part of society that we will have to manage and try to have empathy for in their struggles.

I hope that you continue to read here, to share and to be apart of this amazing community to grow into the person that is you, with pride, with love and with strength.

Hugs to you

Sarah xx

[Jo8049]

Thank you again Sarah . I would like to just chat with you . Is the Trancedent Rainbow Cafe an appropriate place .

Lol and hugs , xx Jo W

[Aaronsis]

Hey Jo W

We can chat here on this thread or you can start your own and I will see it and chat with you there, by starting your own too you will encourage others to come and join and share too.....I am also happy to chat to you in the Trancedent Rainbow Cafe, just let me know where to find you and we can chat away.

Hugs

Sarah