I'am having issue with my gender identity

[Nick1230]

I'm having issues with my gender identity, and I feel more female within, and my mind is also female, and I do think and behave like my mother and a woman. but my family see me as a male including my mother.

One of my close's friends from high school and he alrighty know what I was by seeing in my eyes and he wanted to save me from my mother and her family, but I didn't want to compromise myself. If I did make love to him, they will hurt me and him. 

This has been in my heart since I was 21 years old and now, I'm 35 years old and it starting to hurt me very much and I was wearing my mother dresses privately in my room door close and locked. 

I come a family is very controlling and like to make decision and don't want you to have your own live. I have tried to comfort my mother about my feelings, but I can't because she might do something to me.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Nick1230,  Thank you for your post today, it is wonderful that you have been able to share your story with the community. We know that it can be really difficult to take that step and ask for some help, but you never know who might read your post and feel less alone in their own experience. Worries about gender are normal and it is totally ok to not be sure about how you identify right now. It can be a process that you go through, and it can change as time goes on.  
 
We think that QLife would be an awesome organisation to talk to as they are experts in supporting people as they work through their gender identity. You can call them on 1800 184 527 or check out their webchat.  
 
You can also give us a call at any time on 1300 22 4636 if you feel like talking to someone. We are here for you, and you don't have to go through this alone.  
 
Thank you again for your courage and for posting in such an articulate way. We hope that there is something that can you on this journey on these forums and that if you choose to call QLife they can help as well. Please feel free to keep us updated on how you are going if you feel comfortable.   Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[OgresHaveLayers]

Hi Nick1230,

Often our parents are the hardest to let in when we have confusion and struggles around our sexuality and gender, they are also often the most supportive. We honestly never know how they will actually react.

Contact QLife and I would also suggest speaking to your doctor, by the sounds of it you might be at real risk of a decline in your mental health. Join groups and forums to speak to other people going through similar situations. It is amazing how much it can help knowing others are going through the same.

I would also encourage you to explore both your sexuality and gender. It will continue to eat you up inside pretending you are someone you are not.

I waited til I was 39 to explore my gender and have found I still see myself as male with a beard, but also prefer the cut, shape and style of women's clothes, wear heels and paint my nails.

I explored my sexuality as a teenager and am quite certain I am gay.

Hope to hear how you are going with all this and offer my support to you at this time.

Cheers,

OgresHaveLayers