How do you know?

[BeeHut]

I think I might be gay but I'm not sure. I'm scared to tell my family because it would tear them apart and I'm scared to tell my friends in case I'm wrong. I feel awful for not being honest but I feel like coming out would be selfish. I don't know what to do, I just wish I knew what I was for sure so I could make a decision without worrying about my feelings changing. I feel like there's no point talking to anyone about it as it is, but it's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do about it.

[EmmaP]

Hi BeeHut,

Sorry for the late reply. I am a 21 year old lesbian. I went through stages of when I was younger labelling myself as 'gay', labelling myself as 'bi' and feeling all sorts of things. I was very lucky to have such an accepting family. I did cop some flack for it at school, but generally all my friends and even teachers at my progressive catholic school were very accepting and loving of me as a person. Often I worked myself up frantic about telling people for them to go "Oh yeah we knew, all good" or "That's totally cool we still love you" even if I thought they were going to hate me. I know this wont be the case for everyone though. Sometimes I just didn't say anything and let people "work it out for themselves". I figure its a "part of who you are" rather than who you are. I dated and had sexual relations with boys when I was about 17, and decided boys are really not who I am attracted to or want to be with at all! I'm not ruling out that I wont ever fall for a boy, because the heart wants what the heart wants. But for now I am very happy with identifying as a lesbian and being with girls.

A website I found very helpful and informative, and it also has a very supportive community is Autostraddle. You can google them to see their website. It is for girls who like girls, in one form or another. There are articles on there about 'labels', how you identify yourself etc. For example, I would identify myself as a feminine-of-centre- cis gendered lesbian. It is a very lighthearted website and has some fantastic information on there.

When it comes to the question of "Am I Gay?" I think its such a personal thing. You don't have to label yourself. You may just decide that you fall in love with the person rather than their gender. This can leave it open to you to not have to define yourself and its quite a general thing to be able to tell people.

I hope this has helped. Feel free to ask me any direct questions I am more than happy to answer!

EmmaP

[DaneSaysYay]

my personal opinion, and it is only m thoughts are...

 is it wrong to be yourself, to be human and loved while being comfortable in your skin?

 be your self! be happy.... i would do a sit and think session, on paper after relaxing and clearing your thoughts. weigh up what your feelings are and how you feel, then set a trial period, be amoungst supportive people avoid the haters, after some time of contemplation you may just have your answer..the only thing to think is, what is sexuality, does it change over ones lifem, do you need a label?

just be happy and be yourself.