I am 19 AFAB, and I have recently been experimenting with how I present and refer to myself. I think I am non-binary, I'm not sure yet, but I've always had these thoughts.
I've also had a really strong relationship for the last three years with my boyfriend, who considers himself queer in some way. We are long distance but very close. He very much appreciates my body despite me being openly dysphoric about my large chest and curves for years. Sometimes I worry people only love me for my body, but he reassures me plenty. The last few months have been really rough though, he has some complex anger issues and mental health problems that I simply cannot fix. He will often lash out at anything for the sake of it.
Anyways, realising that maybe my severe disconnect from my body may be gender dysphoria, I started wearing a binder to see how I feel. Immediately I felt relieved and like I looked so much more myself. Its the first time I looked in the mirror and really loved who I saw. Binding has made me so confident and radiant in the last few weeks and its making me feel more confident that I might be on the non-binary spectrum.
This wasnt the case with my boyfriend. When he first saw me in a binder he was supportive I guess? Because he knew I was happy. But he very quickly turned sour and mean. He was very happy to tell me how much he hated it, how he never wants to see it again, and that i should burn it. He even went as far to pick on my insecurities and tell me I looked even more ugly and disproportionate. This hurt me so deeply. He calmed down and apologised, saying he was just in a bad mood and saw the opportunity to express that negativity and that he just struggles with change (DD's to flat is hard I guess) and it will grow on him.
Its been weeks and it is still an issue for him. Again, long distance so with timing he almost never sees me wearing it outside of a selfie a day. It still bothers him greatly. He tells me it doesn't matter if he sees it or not, he still hates the concept of me changing my body when he loves it so much. He still wants me to throw it away. Any time its mentioned he gets in a really bad mood. It's exhausting and makes me feel used, I feel a good lover shouldnt care what you look like and love you the same after three years. At least I dont.
What do I do? I feel like if I do decide I identify as non-binary he would make it such a huge problem and hurt me. I don't want to be hurt anymore. How can I help him be just okay with the binder? I'm just really upset. I understand preferences but I dont understand why it bothers him so terribly even when I promised never to show myself in a binder.
