can one change their life.

[DaneSaysYay]

howdy,  i had a moment last week where i met someone socialy after not really going out of the house for a long time.

the kind of thing that smacks you in the face with intense emotions, makes you fluster skip a heart beat, want to be a better person, beyong lust and trivial things....hopefully its not just me and the other humans have such feelings...

my story is one of anxiety and depression most of my adult life, and disability bad chioces etc.. i am allmost 40, not going to live forever but am very focused theese days that if i survive long enough i will find love and ease the

torment of my life..

so they just created another label?i hope not, i think sexuality is fluid in some and changes, you may say im bisexual....geeze i hate that word, a word that makes me think of promiscurity, i wish there could be another name.... hey i just love one human deeply at a time and want real conection and love. enigma? maybe in todays climate.

without writing a novel, i have to kids to a

tormented woman, who is unhappy unstable and whatever, i still love my kids id do anything for anyone even the haters, i aslo have no job bad diabetes and the depression and anxiety and a load of social isolation and loneliness... its funny how you can be surrounded by people and buisy but not share kindwords,

 a few years back i spent considerable time in  hospital, got sic\k got better, relationship fell apart and got into looking up suicide on the internet, for awhile thinking this and that like it was my ticket out and i was real cool with

killing myself, but I didnt die. but im still alive and focused on health and my goal later in the year.

i want to be myself i want a boyfriend i want my famiy to accept me and not laugh when i tell them, i want to have love that takes my breath away,,, dont want to be a loser..

how do i change my life to get my self into the position i need.. im in limbo, the heart hurts, its groundhogday..

D.

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[justinok]

Hey mate, sounds like quite a tough road you've been on. Understand you don't like the 'b' word, I'm gay myself, and think it must be really tough for guys (or girls) that are attracted to both sexes; straight people shun you because of the 'gay' side and gay people think you're a closet case who can't make up your mind.  That's generalising, not everyone's like that, but a lot of trash gets talked about bi guys and girls.

Anyway, aside from that, it sounds like you've decided that in the next phase of your life you're wanting to be with a man as your companion, and perhaps you feel you might have met that guy already (you talk about meeting someone at social occasion)?

In terms of where you go from here, I would look into using some of the apps like Grindr, Scruff or Mistr to chat to people and maybe meet up for coffee, drink, see where it goes from there (that is if you haven't already met someone already). In terms of your family, I wouldn't worry about it too much for now, it's only an issue that your'e going to have to confront when you have a male partner, and you can tell them then.   It might be a tough conversation, but I can't imahine them laughing at you mate.

[white knight]

Hi DSY,

I'm a hetrosexual, married with grown up kids baby boomer straight guy. I say go for what your heart tells you.

If ANYONE gets upset/angry, disappointed etc when you approach family and friends it's THEIR problem not yours.

We are all beautiful human beings that are worthy and have a right to love the way we choose.

You deserve to be loved and cared for. You should embrace you own heart and feelings and run with them into the sunlight.

 THE KEY

Yell at me-

I not yell back,

curse me-

I listen to you,

punch me-

I hug you,

burden me-

I untie your shackles,

express yourself

-I be your audience,

I accept you

-even if you not accept me,

I've found my inner self

If you dont like this then yell

but I not yell back......

WK

[Blue_]

Hi Dane! Nice to meet you! 

Seems like you're going through a really tough time but I think you know what you want and just get some advice from people that have gone through the same thing as you. I don't think there is ever 'the right time' you just have to make it the right time. You know what your heart wants so go for it! We are here for you and I'm so sure your family will be too. It'll be a big weight off your shoulders, imagine being able to tell people who you really are, they can take it or leave it. You seem like a great Dad, Dane and an amazing person! Don't hide yourself from anyone. 

Love Cas ❤️

[DaneSaysYay]

thanks all for the support, means  a lot to me...just talking and seeing different perspectives is a positive thing. sometimes it feels like a mess and today is one of those, but managing feelings and putting things into perspective is helpful