FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Will I be alone forever?

Losttwentysomething_
Community Member

Hi All, I'm not sure if this is a place to discuss this manner but here goes;

I have recently ended a very brief relationship with a guy that I liked. We went out for about a month before I decided to end it to avoid him getting hurt and I didn't want to string anyone along.

I guess I'm worried about how I go about dating now as I am new to the dating world, have never been in a relationship, never had sex and I am naive with communicating with guys and understanding their body language and their way of communicating as well as mine, apparently my body & mind are not in sync. For example I hooked up with this guy I went out with, I certainly didn't plan on doing this with him but it happened and then the night after I ended it with him I hooked up with another guy I literally just met at my place of work (these hookups took place two weeks apart). I don't know what has got into me. Perhaps it was because dating this guy made me feel confident within myself and I was on a 'confidence boost' when I hooked up with both of these guys at the time. I have had strict, over-protective parents/ older brother growing up so I wasn't allowed to go out and date anyone until recently as I am now 25 (will be 26 this year)

I am worried that I will never find anyone, that I will run out of time to have children, that men will just use me as I am a virgin (or perhaps I will lead myself to that opportunity quite easily as I am so naive and not in sync). I am shy and have low self esteem so I don't have much friends to go out with. I am worried that I have left dating too late in my life, even though at age 23 I was not at all ready to date (I found this out through experience which I later regretted)

I worry that I will be alone forever as I am not trying hard enough and that no one is going to want someone who is inexperienced at that age and later. I also worry why I have been behaving this way with guys to just hookup with them. I wasn't raised like this and feel it is not in my nature (or so I think). Is anyone able to shed some light on this on why I'm behaving irresponsibly??

12 Replies 12

Thanks for your reply, I have had a chat with a close friend about what I should do as I wasn't 100% sure if I was making the right choice and I think it is best if I just leave it, I have been feeling a lot better mentally since that decision to end it as I don't know the person all that well and what he is really like.

My other concerns that I have now is the whole making friends and trying new activities and finding what I like thing. I'm not really into 'heavy' studying since I finished Yr.12, I know this as I tried uni and I found it too hard so I withdrew from my course, I then went into a tafe centre and enquired about a course but I didn't feel right about it, as I found that I wanted to work and earn money so I can be independent and not forever living at home. Since 18 I have spent my life trying to do everything I can to get a decent job and gain confidence (which I feel I have failed thus far), I have completed two traineeships in Business Admin which was the field that I wanted and somewhat enjoyed to get into as a starting point, I have also worked in Finance as my employer felt I had the necessary attributes to be able to work in finance (can retain information,intelligent, etc) . Once my traineeships ended I had to find something else so I applied like crazy to any other job that I felt I was suited for with my experience and qualifications, however in my last admin job they told me that I was 'not suitable for' and that I 'need confidence to this job' which really hurt me and since then I have kinda given up working in admin as I feel I haven't found a suitable admin job and have been working in retail and recently in a bar as my last employer told me that working in hospitality will help me with my confidence which isn't really where I want to be long term but I find it easy and I'm not stressing like I was in my admin jobs so I'm not sure what to do career wise now.

Sorry for the long winded story but I don't know how to be social and meet people when my mindset has been focused on employment, i was bullied at school and am a shy kinda person. I am also in counselling for my low self esteem and confidence but I don't know if it is helping entirely. I have been so frustrated over the last few years and feel that life is pointless and isn't worth living since I'm not good enough for some people

Dear Losttwentysomething,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 

Hey sorry its been a few months since I last posted but can I ask what kind of social clubs, sports and volunteering you did if you don't mind sharing, were these groups/social clubs within uni? Or outside? Covid has obviously made it hard to do anything and everything is cancelled