Where do I start
I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for me 10 times more than anybody in my life. Apart from my mother who physically worked harder than many men picking pineapples for yrs while me & my brother were just down right terrible fowl mouth menaces, this woman gained my respect & love. But now 3yrs later still smoking that crap my gf is & was battling with depression. I'm struggling with my addiction but it's nothing compared too what my girl is going thru,she is so screwed up its terrible. I'm not goin too give up on her even tho we're not married or have kids but I have tried too forget her but I can't & never will. This girl has had some bad luck but in the last few yrs I see it as "depressions luck"geez she keeps setting herself up for a big fall,it's so infuriating too watch or more so hear what happened after only because I'm not involved. I want too leave this small town which she never left her whole life with her & be nomads around Australia. Is that gonna help I don't no?
Welcome to the forum and thank you for your honesty and opens about your situation. I can see that you are struggling and trying to balance the needs of this woman you love and your own needs. I have a visual message for you. Think of when you are trying to save someone who is drowning. The advise is always to ensure that they don’t pull you down and drown you in their panic. You have to remain calm, strong and determined if you are going to save someone else , or else you will just go down with them . You saw this with your mum. It seems that she continued to work hard to support her sons and didn’t give up which is admirable.
My advise to you if you really want to help her is to FIRST help yourself. You need to get strong, healthy and stable. If she is going to be able to lean on you, you need to be strong enough to not fall over under the weight.
So do whatever that entails… If it means you have to leave temporary to go to rehabilitation for your own addiction issues , then do that . If it means eating better, exercising , sleeping better, going to regular counselling , getting to your GP and getting your own health ( physical and mental) sorted out, getting some work , mending some relationships , building new friendships….. whatever it takes. be YOUR own best self. then you will be in the best place to go back and help her.
This journey to be your best self may take a while, but you will not be abandoning her . You will be getting yourself into a position of strength so that you won’t have to abandon her!
Hi Syd, welcome to the forums.
You are in a distressful, complex situation involving both personal and a partner's issues. Helplessly watching a loved one suffer is both heartbreaking and frustrating. My heart goes out to you both.
Kudos to you for your willingness to support the woman who means so much to you. Also for acknowledging your dependency on substance abuse. Is she undergoing treatment for her depression ? Have you sought help re your addiction ? Can you explain what you mean by your gf "setting herself up for a big fall" ? Sorry about the questions, the more is known about your situation, the better we can help.
Sometimes, leaving habitual surroundings does help...but only if it means really moving on. Problems and issues do have a way of following us wherever we go. It is true that a change of environment can make it easier to wipe the slate clean and make a fresh start. But it all depends on personal circumstances and state of mind. You both have personal issues that prevent peace of mind and stand in the way of a fulfilling relationship. Those of course need addressing. If you both feel that changing location will help, then go for it. As long as you remain aware that the difficult part will be the work on stabilizing your inner world.
If you scroll down to the bottom of the page, you will see there's a section about "Supporting someone", including looking after yourself in the process. There is also info available in "The Fact" section.
Navigating the Depression, Carers and Relationships part of the forums will also reveal a mine of additional info, understanding and support.
Looking forward to reading more from you.
Not only has your g/friend had bad luck, but what about you, have you ever thought of what life would be like if you never had any bad luck, sometimes that's impossible to ever know.
If you decide to leave the small town there are some positives and negatives in doing so, a change in scenery can help, but if either of you start any counselling or drying out, then it wouldn't be so good, but as Starwolf has said 'problems have a tendency to follow us around.
There does need be one strong person as Dr. Kim has said, but if you're still on meth and addicted to it then you are not able to understand how she feels, imagine for example how someone feels when they are sober from alcohol and then compare this to how they are when they're intoxicated, there is an enormous change.
It seems as though you really want to help your g/friend which is very honorable, but if you are still addicted to meth this will make it very difficult for your g/friend to feel as though she can connect with you, remember when I mentioned about a person's feelings when intoxicated to when they are sober. Geoff.
Thanks you for clarifying.
Where depression is concerned, "high risk" may be a factor but "impossible" is not a not a given. As Geoff pointed out, there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel but sometimes curves and steep inclines on the road temporarily hide it from view.
You are both confronted with a double whammy of problems. Sometimes, things are way too difficult to face without assistance and support.The following orgs can and will help those who reach out :
No needle to struggle alone when support is available.