When do I stop trying to do thing for myself and just expect that I will never put myself first.

James09 · ‎04-04-2018

I m husband,father, worker, and trying to be a student. The student part is something that I really want for myself as I feel that continual learning is important. However, I am on my second attempt to study and find even with my best plans i have no time. I can't not be work because i have to pay bills etc. we are not in a position that we can can send our children to child care and i can't not give my wife a couple hours of my time on the weekend, which is the only time we can have.

I started my studies and got weeks in advance started assessments, reading and research. Now I am three lectures behind an assessment due in four days (without a legitimate reason to request an assessment). to complete the assessment i know have to get home from work midnight study til 6 sleep for 3 hrs if my son lets me til i have to hand it in.

Anxiety through the roof depression its best friend well on it way. No time to talk to any one because that and this chew study time that cause more anxiety.

I know there is no simple answer and that I should do something for myself but how?

monkey_magic · ‎04-04-2018

To James09,

First of all I just wanted to congratulate you on all that you cram into your life, the study is most likely for a better future but it's taking it's toll that being less time and sleep and then something has to give - your health, depression and anxiety seep in. You've also got me stumped. You want all these things in your life family, work, study, but you are struggling to find the time. I decided to write to you because i too study, work and do life but I still have time left over as I'm not taking on as many hours as you, so what can you do? You need family time, work time, sleep time, study time but what about you time? At first you were excelling with study but now you are lagging behind. Can you find a middle ground somewhere? Pace yourself? You've asked a challenging question. The best I can come up with is how about you study part time? What do you think?

James09 · ‎09-04-2018

Thank you for your idea. I have started down a path with my family and others to try manage myself a bit better.

White_Rose · ‎09-04-2018

Hello James and welcome.

I also did the study thing while being wife, mother and worker. It is hard work. I studied part time and all my lectures were in the evening. I was told three subjects a semester was one too many, however I carried on with them. It was very hard to attend my children's sports etc, keep a clean house, cook, wash etc. I think my children were proud of me and prepared to lend a hand.

Not sure if are taking on a full time student's load. If so I suggest you go part time. You will still get there but with much reduced worry and more available time for your family. It can be done.

May I ask what you are studying? My degree was communication and being a glutton for punishment I went on to a masters in ethics. Thoroughly enjoyed myself and learned much more than being student. I started to believe in myself, believe I had a brain, believe I was a worth while person. Such amazing spin-offs.

I hope you succeed.

Mary