what to do ??..

[Jimmuck]

hi all, i am 63 years old and still working 6 or 7 days a week to pay the bills, we have a mortgage that i will be long passed away before it is paid off, we had the house built, so i have labored long and hard landscaping the front and back, as well a lot of interior work, but no matter what i say or how i say it the house inside and out is awful. my wife wanted lawns and gardens but does nothing to them, the two spare bedrooms are full of her junk, the pergola i built is not usable because it is full of junk, if i say anything it leads to an argument. she always tries to impress people and wants to seem indispensable to them, regardless of how it affects me. so far it has cost us a lot of money in lawyer fees when somebody tried to sue her and myself personally 15 thousand dollars for an insurance claim, because she didnt renew the policy. that is just some of the serious problems over the years. whilst i can fully accept i am in the wrong sometimes, it is impossible for her to even consider that she could be remotely wrong, when i say so cries to anyone who will listen,she just lies to everyone to gain their sympathy , what is really sad for our relationship is she cannot even tell her own self the truth,on one occasion, after i was driven to seek help from a counselor, she was asked to come along to a session to support me, all she did was sit there crying about how bad her life was.i have asked her many times to stop keeping all our money in an account in her name only, but she still does. so the latest event sparked by my asking her something three times and being completely ignored each time, which led to me getting angry and her, as usual, running away to hide. that was over two weeks ago, since then we have not said a single word to each other, NOT ONE WORD. i have stood by her through a lot of serious things,right now i feel like i am just taken for granted, right at this moment she is on a boat helping to organize a firework display when she should be here at home least trying to talk about our problems, i dont want to leave my house that i have put so much hard work into, i cant leave anyway as i dont have the money to do so.. i feel so trapped, i cant leave and cant stay here living like this, i am at my wits end, but she just will not accept any responsibility whatsoever in what goes wrong in our marriage, it is completely one sided,i have absolutely no one to talk to here as i have no family and i have allowed my friends to drift away..

[geoff]

Hello Jimmuck, it's not the most pleasant situation you're in at the moment, I'm sorry, because the last few months of my 25 year marriage my wife slept in another room until finally leaving, so I had to pack up everything, including the large shed, which was not only time consuming, disappointing and only made my depression worse, as she had moved a couple of hours away.

Had you thought about locking your bedroom door, so she is forced to sleep elsewhere if you don't want her to be in the same bed as you.

Sending a long email may not be the best option, she might not even read it or delete it straight away, if you want to put her clothes in another room and as I said lock your room.

Packing up what you want to keep and what you don't should be decided who actually does this, as the furniture removalist will charge you more if they have to pack items that aren't already packed and that's what you want to avoid.

I know and understand what you are going through and feel sorry it's happening, as it happened to me, but slightly different.

With interest rates so low you never know the house might be sold quickly, even though that's not what you want, neither did I.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Hi op and very sorry to hear of it all ..

l was wondering though , surely some silver lining could the 15 yrs there ,the house must have a ton of equity by now with prices and the market is absolutely booming, you could come out of it loaded and make a fresh start. Another thought too while waiting , just to save even more ugly , why not just go set yourself up in one of the spare rooms instead , to hell with it let her stay in the main br. That's what l did , well mine was the couch actually but eh , the lounge, tv, movies all night and it joined the kitchen and the fridge . Best br l've ever had actually and the couch was very comfortable too , it was heaven for awhile there after 20yrs of sharing a bed.

And yeah def agree with Geoff , why not set your pay to go into you own acc from now on especially now. Anyway , please take care of yourself , and come here and talk it out with people absolutely anytime you feel like it.

rx