UPDATED: same s#!+, different day

redgirl-blackdog · ‎13-06-2016

Hi, I'm new here&hoping that venting might help but doubt it. I've been in constant pain for 3 1/2 yrs&separated from alcoholic husband for 9 mths. Neurosurgeon recently told me he would not operate on my neck even tho all other options have been exhausted. I just want to hug my kids with both arms.Last week GP sent me to psychologist,again,hoping to deal with pain, marriage breakdown, grief from father's passing&how I don't seem to be coping that well. I really don't feel like it helps, just talking about the same thing over&over again. And today when ex husband bought twin sons home from access w/e, he started his b.s again. He asked for some bar room memorabilia last month&I told him I would pack it up for him to pick up next day, he agreed, so I did. So yesterday I moved it from where it sat for a month under deck& put in all in plastic bags (rainy day here)&in trailer out front for him to get, he asked why I put it in rubbish bags&threw in trailer&before I had a chance to remind him, he said (in front of boys) that I treat him& marriage like rubbish, I did not argue back, just said it was to protect his stuff from rain. He always turns things around to make me out to be the bad guy.ALWAYS. He has told his family&friends that I just stopped loving him. We were married for 9yrs, together 2yrs before that&in that time he was never a handyman, a demo man who was "gunna" fix stuff or get a mate to help but never did, I believed him when he said he was getting help organized. We didn't have a cold tap in bathroom sink for last 4yrs or hot tap for bath for last 7yrs or gutter/downpipe on front patio for last 6 yrs among plenty of other things but he was often away for w/e "helping" mates with their jobs(read drinking). I've since been told by him, we didn't go out anywhere because he was "always" doing jobs around the house that I made him do &/or it was because we couldn't afford to fix , but "we" could still afford 2 + cartons of beer every week&rego/insurance for broken down V8 ute in garage he was gonna fix.The twins are nearly 10&are just learning to swim cause I believed him when he said he'd get it organised. Stupid me believed him about lots of things. Even when I pleaded with him to slow down drinking for him/kids/me. As I write this the kitchen tap is dripping relentlessly& it's just about to send me over the edge. I can't afford a plumber this week but I have to put up with it for the sake of my kids. If it wasn't for my kids... I love them more

redgirl-blackdog · ‎25-01-2017

and I know it's because I feel so low, but waiting so long for some type of reply, maybe words of wisdom or just empathy, isn't helping at all

geoff · ‎25-01-2017

hi Redgirl, I don't think that we could do anything but help you and give you empathy, because if we didn't that would go against supporting you, and if we did this is only going to make you feel worse, because this has been happening to you for such a long time.
The people who you thought were going to help you have now opted out, but that's what usually happens because they don't know what to say or do for you, in other words they don't have the experience to be able to handle someone with depression, that's not their fault and hope that they never have to suffer like you or what any of us has had to go through.
Twenty years ago in hindsight means nothing, we all wish that we had done what we initially wanted to do where our life may have been completely different, but we can't bring those memories back no matter how hard we wish for.
The problem still remains that you are still being conned by your ex, if I am correct, who dominates control over your kids, and nothing will change until you are able to put your foot down, even though they maybe upset , but you have to remember what they will be like in 20 years and I don't think it will anything like what you ever wanted, so there is only one person who can change this. Geoff. x

Sophie_M · ‎25-01-2017

Hi redgirl-blackdog, sorry to read that you're struggling at the moment and the conversation here isn't moving as quickly as you'd like.

It's worth remembering that immediate support is not available via the forums. Some days are slower than others, and some topics hit home with people more than others. The amount of replies received will always vary from day to day.

You are more likely to receive replies if you get involved with the community, respond and talk to members on existing threads, in addition to starting a thread of your own.

If you need more immediate contact, please use our support service either via phone or web chat.

See also the following threads about how best to use the forums:

Forums etiquette: Give support to receive support

4 tips for getting the most out of the forums

Starwolf · ‎26-01-2017

Hi Carey...I wondered where you had disappeared to, first from June to November, then again from November to late January.

Sorry to read your situation remains unchanged but -as mentioned before- the only thing we can change is our perspective. Some situations have the knack for perpetuating themselves...

Have you thought of checking the Social Zone ? A variety of people frequent those threads to chat about a variety of subjects. You do have a beloved Lab so I'm sure your contribution to the Pet thread would be appreciated too.

Looking forward to bumping into you around the forums, if not here. I'm sure lots of people would be delighted to make acquaintance and have a chat.