Reading the posts i am not alone. Ive struggled with my MH although im a MH nurse and therapist. I fly into health to only meet my reality and scare anxiety sleepless nights come back. not knowing who i am, because i stopped engaging in life and disconnecting from emotion i run in bland neutral as i dont know how to trust me, my mother gaslighted me seporated off each family nember and scapegoated me. I was hit ridiculed set up to fail each day of my life, i left the UK and i dived into a pit of depression Finding female friends that matched my mother. Wolves in my head ripping at any self confidence, im exhausted.. but now ready to own my stuff. My mood swings my voice. My uniqueness and my anger. The only thing im scared of is meeting me again after throwing myself away. Wish me luck.
Welcome to BB.
I'm not sure if I will be of much help. Apart from my ex's MH problems, I've had no direct experience with the internal demons, conflicts, that pervade your post.
What I do know is that children of abusive parent's (mother and/or father) have lifelong problems that can lie dormant until something triggers them. To my untrained mind, childhood mental abuse can be hard to deal with. Don't throw yourself away; there is hope if you are willing to recognise and work through the issues.
Please excuse a silly question, but are you getting some professional help to sort through your issues?
I hope others on this forum have something more constructive to offer.
Just adding to what I said above, you can get phone access to a BB counselor on 1300 22 4636 if you need it.
There is also a BB chatline if you don't want to talk. Go to the BB homepage and you will find a "Chat online" link at the top right of the page.
In addition here is a link to a list of national helplines and websites that might be of some help.
Your post is interesting. I had an abusive mother. I removed her from my life 9 years ago.
In denial she wouldn't get help. In the end I had to find out what her illness was.
Please Google the following and have a read-
Queen witch hermit waif
Then we can talk more if you'd like
Hi white Knight
thanks for reaching out after reading the info I consider my mother to be THE QUEEN MOTHER – with al her traits
to get past her i need to own me, ive lived with avoidance over drinking anger faining happiness and pleasantness with other to scared to be an individual, and being like a deer in the headlights of life every day
Hi its not a silly question,
I find mental health system wanting
I work in the service and know its failings, I am stubborn and want to fix myself because I'm too afraid to be further damaged by someone else- however saying this me and my hubby are in therapy because of our collative triggers within relationship so here I feel I am leaning about me and him - I am on support group pages and find these valuable learning tools , by others who experience the same , which I then know I am not alone in my experiences. speaking out now is the first real steps I have taken to see me and my life for what it is and to not keep putting on plasters and pretending to be okay. the first step to healing is own your stuff even though it was given to me to hold
I'd like you to know that you are not alone in this and it's absolutely okay to have these feelings. I don't want to tell you what to do, however, I'd be more than happy to share with you what I have been doing to over-come my own difficulties.
After terminating my abusive relationship with someone who experiences 3 personality disorders (NPD symptoms included), I have had to learn to pick myself back up and I will not lie, every day is different and the moments we experience are exceptional.
The most important thing to know is that your blood is worth bottling. You are more valuable than you realise and more compassionate than you currently understand but the most important aspect is that you are important.
My goals are to commit to life. Commitment is the back-bone to who you are as a person and if we don't commit, we cannot commit to yourself and to others. We must also positively self-talk to ourselves if we want to become better.
On that note, I follow three simple rules every day to help me commit to myself to improve my mental and physical wellness.
The first thing I do when I wake up and make my bed - this is my first achievement of the day.
I turn on the tv or radio just to have some back-ground noise while I prepare for work, sometimes I watch the news but it helps me to motivate myself and reduces isolation.
I have a Manhattan breakfast (black coffee & cigg) with a light meal such as a protein bar, (what ever you prefer) and I meditate for 10 minutes. This is extremely important because I think about how lucky I am to be a live, I think about achieving three small gaols throughout the day and I tell myself that I will get rid of negative thoughts.
Negitive thoughts that devalue or impact/ trigger need to be reased. Please be kind and compassionate to yourself becuase you are great and deserve to be the best version you can be.
Be strong, be brave.