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Time for separation?

Community Member

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when he came with me to my grandmas funeral. At that point I moved out for about 4-5months we eventually talked and decided that we would give it a shot again and communicate better. He also promised to start trying for children. Sadly 4 months ago I came across his email left open on the computer and I could see that he had signed up for an affair site and also an email from a woman about coming over that was dated when he told me he was going to his friends house for a few days. I haven't told him I know yet but kept my distance. I don't trust him anymore and I feel like we have lost the spark. Also think he was lying about having children as he went and brought a two seater sporty car.I don't know if he's still on the website at this stage. I don't know what to do please help? Do I leave? Will I ever get that trust back if I did stay?



2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Modia,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and the community here. Unfortunately you will find many posts here so similar to yours.

I am certainly no expert at all so I don't really know what to suggest. The best thing is for you to ask your self a lot of questions, like:

Do you want to stay in a relationship where you think your guy is cheating on you?

Do you want to try to have children with a guy who may leave you for someone with out children ?

Would it be helpful to try and have an open talk with this guy to see what he is up to and how will you cope if he either lies or tells the truth?

Do you have some where safe to go if things get tough?

Could you be brave enough to send this lady friend of his an email pretending you are him, to find out more about what is going on between them?

Would seeing a relationship counsellor help either of you?

Maybe you could read some other posts relating to similar issues as you to see what others have suggested.

Do you have close friends you can share your concerns with?

Hope some of this helps!

from Mrs. Dools


Community Member

Hi Modia,

Welcome to the bb forums and thank you for sharing your story. I hope you feel better for writing it down. You are the only one who can really decide what is best for yourself. If you are unhappy with your partners activity you may need to confront him on it to find a way forward.

The one thing that I might suggest is that you now try to read what you have written here and consider it from a new perspective. If your best friend asked you for similar advice what would you say?

I am sorry for your grief.