The guy I was dating has depression - says he still cares?
To cut a long story short, I was dating a guy for four months before he told me he wasn't well. He never used the word depression, he said anxiety and explained he was difficult to date. We spent a good three hours talking about this & crying at my apartment about his situation and that it was making us both upset. He mainly said he needed space, and that I deserved to know what he was going through because he didn't want to be selfish and only see me when he was feeling good. We decided not to end it and I gave him space. We talked on and off over text for the next four weeks when we saw each other again.
When we met up it was great, we had laughs. He said he had missed me. We went back to mine to talk somewhere more quiet and he got really upset when he explained his family situation that was causing him a lot of upset. He was visibly upset and told me he just feels sad all the time and that is not usually him. He mentioned he hadn't really spoken about it with anyone else. He then asked how I was, I told him he really hurt me and asked why he pushed me away. He said he thought he was protecting me, but he didn't know why he did it. He never wanted to hurt me. I asked why he didn't just break up with me, and he said the words couldn't come out of his mouth.
I never saw him again after that night, and the past two months have driven me insane. We talked everyday but he just couldn't see me again. I gave him plenty of outs in case he just didn't want to date me - to tell me to go, but he would say I don't want you to go, but then he didn't want me to stay if it hurt me. I finally was able to say lets not talk until you are better, and he got in contact three days later and started the cycle over again. He told me he was a mess and needed time, yet I kept pushing for clarity because I was scared I was being let on. I even asked him this and he said no.
He went silent on me when I asked should I move on. I was very upset and let him know. Three weeks later he sent me a large msg, saying he couldn't handle the emotional situation which is why he ignored my messages. He apologized profusely, saying he was fighting depression and that I deserve to be treated better. He said he is an emotional coward which is why he was so difficult. He said it didn't mean he never cared, he did and he still does.
I don't know what to do. Do I try again or leave it? He was right, I didn't deserve to be treated like that, but I don't understand the way his mind is working.
Thanks Geoff for your comments. I think it was a good thing you said to keekee about her having to look after herself. That is so true. I ended up going to see a psychologist for myself because his situation and the situation it ultimately put me in was a lot to handle. And I needed talk it out.
I guess what I'm most confused with is he is telling me I deserve better but that he still cares about me a lot. I wish he never said he still cares because my mind just holds on to that and makes it hard to move on. Your comments at the start of keekee's thread rang true. I was always needing him to explain why he wanted to talk to me and why he wouldn't see me, but he would come back saying "I do feel happy to see you too... but I just don't know what to say at this point".
It is so hard because I care so much for him, but it has been damaging to my own mental health for the past two months when I tried to stay in contact but we weren't seeing each other. I feel from his last message he was saying goodbye, but then when he says he still cares a lot... I just don't know what it means. His safety and happiness means the world to me, but trying to support him in anyway I could brought me down.
When he says he cares for you doesn't mean he's in love with you, my ex of 25 years cares for me while I still love her.
We still talk but nothing more, we couldn't possibly live together again, so you can care for someone but not love them, and there must be many people in life we both care for but don't love but still want to talk with them.
It can become confusing when you are trying to reach out, I'm sorry for this. Geoff.