The day everything changed

[Hmr]

So 15 months ago my partner and I got the caring responsible of his 4 siblings.
They where never shown how to look after themself.
So they don't clean up, don't do washing ,do cook,don't do dishes leave rubbish everywhere.
I'm constantly asking for them to do stuff it is starting to make me so annoyed.
Because we also have a 8 yr and a 7 month old and there bad behaviour and attitude is rubbing off.
I'm tired of saying the same thing over and over some days I don't want to be in this house.
Which upsets me because I love my partner that much I said yes but the strane his siblings
Are doing to our relationship and my mental health is overwhelming.
They always think we owe them everything so entitled and I feel as if my 8yr old is
Missing out on so much. I have gone back to work to get some alone time but
My mental health is that bad I'm molding most of the time I cry every day or night .
I don't know what to do anymore . Because I love my partner so much but I don't want
To live with teenages who don't care that our 7 month old will never have a bedroom
While they live with us or the fact my 8yr is sharing a room with the 12yr and lost
All her space she went from the only kid to 5 extra.

[Croix]

Dear Hmr~

Welcome here to the Forum. you sound at the end of your tether and I'm not surprise in the least. Four uncooperative and self-absorbed teenagers with whom you have no direct connection is a huge burden.

Firstly you cannot do this by yourself, no way. The fact they were never encouraged to look after themselves means you have had, from the point of sheer practicality, had to try to pull them up on just about everything - constantly.

Second It is -as you say- setting your own child a bad example and most importantly placing that 8yo in an environment where this constant strife.

So may I ask what your husband is doing? Is he taking an equal part in disciplining his siblings? If not that just leaves you - not enough. If he is doing his bit, and things are degenerating, then I guess you need a massive re-think.

The only thing I wonder is if all four are the same, or if one is more reasonable and might become an ally. If that were the case there might be hope of improvement, by example and change of attitude via a peer.

15 months is long enough, crying all the time is not on, going to work as a retreat is horrible, your home is no longer yours.

Do you have any thoughts at to what might be done? Any family to help?

Croix

[Hmr]

Yeah he helps but they don't listen or they do it but then next day same thing again the eldest and youngest help a bit but the other to are self absorbed teenages that all they care about are video games. And you raise your voice at all they walk out and head on the train to there mates. They have no family that's the reason there in our care and we only have my family

[Croix]

Dear Hmr~

You and your husband have chosen a very hard row to hoe, and the fact he is a sibling himself, and not a parent would not be helpful.

You have had the best of motives, however trying to turn around the behavior and thought processes of teens is particularly difficult - particularly if they can just abandon things and walk out whenever they like.

If you do have family, and they are sensible, then for you own sake I'd lean on them for support, just for you - you do have finite limits after all.

You said the four had no family other than your husband, is there anyone in their lives they take serious notice of or regard wiht affection?

Do you think it might be possible to form a closer relationship with the youngest and oldest? If they look the most cooperative you may end up with a partial reward at least.

I'd also contact Relationships Australia (1300 364 277), they have great deal of experience with combined families and may have some decent suggestions.

Please talk here as much as you would like, you will always be welcome

Croix