Hi N888
While I can understand your daughter not wanting to concern you with what she chooses to do in her life, I can fully understand your concern regarding the lack of overnight security (with the window being left open). You have a right to feel secure in your own home. Whether it's a window left open, an incense candle left burning while our child goes to sleep or something else along those lines, a sense of security is so important.
It's incredibly hard when our child makes the transition into adulthood. I think, with us having managed for so many years what clothes they should be wearing, what friends and play dates we take them to (that we approve of), what ways of potentially dangerous thinking we need to help them manage to change etc etc, there's just so much to begin letting go of to various degrees, so that they can begin to manage on their own. The number one thing I will never let go of is knowing my child is safe in a number of ways. This comes from a place of love and care.
We can't dictate where our child goes when they're becoming an adult but what we can manage educating them on is traveling safely while also leading them to question whether those places are the best places to go. Don't get in a car with a driver who's been drinking, don't travel on public transport alone at night. Go somewhere better, that doesn't have a reputation for trouble. We can't dictate whether they have sex or not but we can educate them on safe sex so there's no threat of disease or pregnancy. We can't dictate what jobs they choose but we can influence them regarding staying or not staying in a job that's too stressful or depressing. The list goes on in regard to their basic well being. It's definitely a challenge to only be concerned with the basics and let the rest go.
Our kids are on their way to one day becoming our age. While we're not answerable to our parents in everything we do, that's the process our kids are facing. Our parents had to let go of us being completely answerable to them. It's a hard transition for both parent and child when a lot of the boundaries begin to shift in incredibly challenging ways.
I suppose the goal is for our kids to walk out the front door with an understanding of mutual consideration and expectation. If I expect my kids to stay somewhere safe overnight, this is a fair demand and one they achieve before coming home. I can't fight with them every time they choose to live their life in a way I don't agree with because then I'm fighting for the life I want them to live. The best I can do is lead them to live a life with a sense of self care and personal safety.
