Step son accusations/lying

[Guest_7403]

Hi all haven't posted a thread for a long time on here, not because I haven't been struggling...more because I know my issues and what I should be doing but something happened on Sunday that has thrown me completely and myself even wife don't know what to do about it exactly.

We have two 6 year olds (my daughter) and my wife's son....we also have a 6 month old together.

We have split parenting so the bigger kids are only here 50/50

My wife messaged her ex Sunday because she had caught her son telling little white lies (about eating his snacks etc) and that his behaviour and mood has changed and his lack of interest in school (grade 1) to find out if his dad had noticed any changes

His dad replied saying that a week ago his son told him "I sneak down to the toy room and push him to the ground constantly" he then stated that I "make him cover his eyes and walk into things as punishment".

Now I and my wife know that these are complete lies, and even his dad stated he's sure that I'm just playing around with him.

But the thing is when it comes to the step son I have a no touch policy, I don't play pretend fights with him, I don't touch him jokingly...I just don't find it appropriate and I do it that way to avoid things like this. I also let my wife discipline him, I don't like to discipline someone else's child unless necessary.

So my point being kids can miscontrue things, but in this case he can't be confused as I don't remotely do things he's referred too.

So my wife msged the ex and told him what I'm like with him. 10 minutes later the ex calls her apologising saying he's just challenged him on what he's said and he's admitted to making the whole thing up because "his brain told him too"

I'm very concerned about this as I spend a bit of time alone with this child when mum's at work.

At the moment we've cancelled his birthday party this week, and asked that he stays at his dad's for two weeks as a repercussion and learning experience. Too which his dad feels is appropriate.

My main concern moving forward is what to do and how to act with this child now, I don't trust him and have told the wife I won't be putting myself in a position where I'm alone with him to have anymore accusations thrown at me

I'm aware he is only 6 but I guess my concern is the seriousness and details of the lies that worry me about getting in trouble with dhs etc

I also feel sick to my stomach that he's done this to me, as I do alot for that boy and it really is a slap in the face

[Croix]

Dear Theborderline~

I can exactly understand how trying one's best to care for a child, and having that if not rejected directly be ignored or used as a cats-paw in some lie or other is immensely hard to deal with.

The way you talk of it sounds as if you are alone. It is in fact a problem that needs to be addressed by your partner too, for your sake as much as anything.

May I ask if you have discussed specifically how your step-son should be treated and how to support you?

Croix

[Guest_7403]

We discussed that his punishment would be to stay two weeks at his dad, and not have his 7 days here with us and his sister's.

Also his birthday party was cancelled

Upon his return I won't be having much to do with him, eg drop offs/pick ups from school if mum's at work those days

My biggest concern is my wife plans to have his party on the weekend he comes back

His dad picks him up and drops him off, he's just having more sleepovers at his cousins...there's no real repercussion so no lesson learnt

[Juliet_84]

Hi TheBorderline,

I agree with Croix that it might be a good idea for him to see a child psychologist. A marriage breakdown can be traumatic for any child, and then a new child into the mix even more so. I think it would also be a good idea as you could tell the psychologist of these accusations so that they are at least in writing should anything arise in future. Hopefully it won’t come to that, most children lie or fib around this age and likely don’t realize the seriousness of the accusations. He is only little in the scheme of things so it would be a shame to damage your relationship further.

[Guest_7403]

Thanks guys for your non judgemental responses to me, I have received some flak from my wife's parents in regards to the punishment and subsequent banning I guess you could say

It is only temporary to give me some breathing space to be better at dealing with him when he returns

I think a child psych is an appropriate next step