Step-Family Love

[Hidden_Away_From_You]

I am in a predicament where I have a hatred for my father but not my family; because of this my step-family hates me although I love them as if they were my real family. Right now I am having a lot of arguments and blow-ups with my family. Last time I ran off and didn't come home until my cousin found me and dragged me home. I don't want to fix the relationship I have with my father but I want to be with my step-family. I don't know how to do that and I am moving out in under a year. Any advice??

[white knight]

Hi HAFY, welcome

Families can be fickle, meaning every family is different as there are several personalities and the chemistry sometimes just doesn't flow.

With families there are obligations. There are also measures we need to be aware of as we can take some action we might regret later on.

Depending upon what your dad has done to you, the most mature thing you can consider doing is seek counselling for him and you. What should be your goal here? Perhaps it should be for you and your dad to be on speaking terms but for you both to accept that at this period in your life, you wont get along like a house on fire. If you both got to that point then he might leave you alone more and you to, just be civil.

We all have relatives that we tolerate. We also should be aware that as our life changes, we can get close to parents that we despised as teenagers. You might "hate" him now but will you when he is old and less annoying?

There Is a lot of issues to consider so I'm suggesting counselling. You could start with a visit to your doctor to discuss this matter.

Tony WK

[pipsy]

Hi H.A.F.Y.  There is a lot of unresolved issues here.  Your father obviously has really upset you and that needs to be dealt with so you can move on.  You said your cousin fetched you home when you ran away.  Is this a 'blood' relative, or step-cousin?  Do you have a mum you can turn to?  The way I'm reading your post, you have to stay with your dad for now.  If your dad has annoyed you by remarrying, you need to discuss this with someone, not connected to the family.  Obviously his new family loves him and this hurts you because you want them to feel the same way you do.  When we intensely dislike someone (as you do), our first thought is: why doesn't everyone feel the same way.  Seldom do we meet people who have the same likes and dislikes as we do, to the same degree.  Maybe you're also feeling a bit jealous that dad has remarried and his new family loves and accepts him.  Tony has suggested counselling, I second that.  You need to get the anger (poison, if you like) out of your system, so you can start enjoying life.  If you want to be loved by dad's family, you're going to have to resolve this problem with dad.     

[Hidden_Away_From_You]

Thank you White Knight for your reply, but I am already in counseling with my father but it is not working and we have come to the conclusion that I am moving out and that will solve a lot of issues.

Thank you Pipsy for your reply, yes it was my real cousin, legally I can not go see my mother and I am perfectly fine with my entire family but him.