Should I run away?
I am very paranoid that They are going to find my post, so I will just refer to them as They.
Ive always had trouble with Them, and now I am at my limit. At the beginning of the year I would say that I would never commit suicide, but I am seriously starting to doubt myself here. I had a short bout of depression (or something similar) recently and now I can understand why people would take their own lives, which is very disturbing. Originally, I intended to stay until I was old enough to leave, but how would I know what I would do before then?
I know that I should ask for help or something, but I would end up disgracing myself, which isn't the problem here, but They is only one person. Everyone else involved has nothing against me. I would never be able to live with myself if I tear them apart, because really they're alright without me. I am the only problem.
I might have some problems running away, as I have no friends or other family. I am young, but I am sure that i can still exit the country(that is, go to a place where I will not stand out). I can simply wait until I can work, and go from there.
I am intelligent and resourceful, and They would not look for me. Please, I don't want to make a mistake so help me out here.
Welcome to the bb forum.
It sounds as though you've got a lot on your plate right now and that you are dealing with a very troubling situation. I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation.
While I feel from your post that the situation must be serious, as you are considering running away to another country at a young age, it's really difficult to provide advice without understanding why you feel this way.
Are you in danger from others or yourself? If so, don't hesitate to call the police or an ambulance on 000. Or reach out to a trusted teacher, family member or friend.
Are you feeling very unwell with the paranoid thoughts? If it's possible for you to visit your doctor, I would really encourage you to make a double appointment to discuss your mental health.
I trust Sophie, so I encourage you to read her email and thoughtfully consider her advice. If you feel like talking some more, please post again.
I'm not a doctor or counsellor, just a mum but I will be here for you.
Kind thoughts to you