Should I keep our baby....

[Mummy_leen]

Hi all I really need to get some insight to opinions. I’m stuck in a pickle and not really sure what to do.

Basically I’ve got two children 10 and 6 with my partner and we have been together for close to 13 years now and like all relationships we have had a fair share of issues.

Recently we ran back into the same problem as we did 5 years ago which was the same issue that was about to pull us apart. However we worked through it and it wasn’t easy.

Once this his issue occurred he did have a thought and asked me out of the blue if I would consider having a third child and at the time I said I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have another child yet. Ideally two was always good for us but I felt he wanted to I don’t know secure me or made sure I was locked down to three kids with him. Or maybe he really wanted a third child and I haven’t being giving it any thought.

A month later I found out I was pregnant expecting our third child. Just to paint the picture I had taken a morning after pill and a IUD was inserted not knowing I was pregnant a few weeks into the pregnancy and I didn’t know I was either until a week the iud was in place I felt morning sickness.

i took a test and went to the GP to be sure it came back positive I was about 6 weeks at this stage. The problem I have is he wanted to leave this relations before he found out I was pregnant and once he did he find out he still wanted to so he can have his own space.

we sat down and discuss about the baby to me I thought it was a blessing in disguise and maybe this was a great way to rekindle everything however he insist that I terminate the pregnancy because he no longer wants to be apart of this family that we built.

Im about 11 weeks now and since our discussion but at 9 weeks he hasn’t said much about it and he said if I go through with it he will support me but he won’t be around as he still wants to leave. He does think of I keep the baby it’s only to trap in which is not my intentions. I believe that this baby was a miracle and it happened for a reason.

this baby survived the pill and the removal of the IUD. It’s a surivior!!!

The problem i face is raising three kids on my own, I do have family that can help but I can’t put the burden on them.

I really want to keep this baby but I don’t know what the future will hold and I’m worried I can’t give the best to all three kids.

Please give me some advice I need to make a decision to terminate or keep it....

lost and confused.. heart broken

[Mummy_leen]

Hi all I’ve had some time to think and I’ve had so much to think about.

Ive spoken to doctors and stuff and I think I’ve made a decision to terminate this pregnancy. It would work out for my current children as I can provide them all my full attention especially when I have been told today by the partner that he will not be staying and insist that he will be moving out for good.

My heart has been breaking the whole week. I’ve been crying myself to sleep and crying when I think about what my life and what it could be with the new addition to the family. It’s heart breaking and I’m going to be responsible of three children. I know deep down inside I won’t be able to move on to my next chapter in life with this decision as long as I don’t think about it.

I was given some advice and it’s always the same thing that I could do so much better than what I am in today. He has born been supportive of this and no one thinks it’s worthwhile for my to put myself through all this drama and not be or feel appreciated.

he has made a firm decision to move on with his life and not be apart of this whole baby. I keep this baby to remind me of him and how it was such and will be a battle of the future.

Im currently 34 years of age and not young anymore I don’t know if I can make it on my own with keeping the baby.

I dont know if my reasons are ons are good enough to give up this child or am I self fish to think about myself?

Ive booked in the clinic for tomorrow and I’m scared about this whole thing.

[Mummy_leen]

Thank you for your words.

Im glad I have some other insights and just some advice on the side. I’m seeking professional help to guide me through all of this. I don’t think I could have done this without speaking to anyone. I’ve had a good session of crying before and it feels better to let all the emotions out then go hold back.

I held my son son to sleep and why he laid there I asked him how he would feel if Mummy had another child by the way his 10 years old. His response was ... Mummy it’s already very hard on you to manage us two as children and I can see you work very hard. If you have another child it means you work even harder and o don’t get to see you.

When he sais aid that I knew this decision not to keep it is the most logic sense. He was right I put in so many hours in my job because it requires a lot of work as I’m in sales. The more I put in the more I get back but it’s the pressure of the environment I don’t stay back on purpose. My heart sank.... without a partner how was I going to make it work? How would these kids grow up and already not have a father but a mum that’s not home till late.

Logically is doesnf make sense to keep it but deep in my heart I want it I love children.

Maybe its its fate that this wasn’t meant to be. This is another hurdle in life for me to overcome.

[smallwolf]

I don't think that any of these decisions are easy - in fact, probably the hardest. I know the next analogy does not compare with what you must be going through, but when you (read me) are told to quit your job because it is not mentally healthy for you. And try as you might, you want to be able to see into the future to see how things pan out. Even after going through this process with your counsellor, the arguments and counter-arguments in your head can make you second guess every decision you have made.

Remember that you still have counsellor that can help you through this. Perhaps there are support groups you might be able to contact for additional support. Perhaps you could write yourself a letter that can be kept locked away until needed - to remind yourself to forgive you(rself) for whatever actions you decided, the decision was made for the right reasons.

Finally, “I am only human. I am doing the best I can.” Be kind and gentle with yourself; show yourself compassion.

Tim

[Mummy_leen]

Thank Tim and quirky just an update.

Unfortunately I have gone through with the procedure. I went to the clinic with uncertainty and the doctor sent me away. And I came back the next day after another deep long conversation with my close family. And I then could decide and be 100% confident that this was and will be the right thing to do.

I dont know how i ow I will feel. At the moment just very confused and lost. I will keep you all updated.

[quirkywords]

hello all,

mummy leen thanks for letting us know what you decided.

You have been through a lot lately and you need to just be for a while.

It is so soon so it will take time for you to process what has happened . Give yourself time and space.

Please be kind to yourself. Thanks for keeping us updated.

Quirky

[Mummy_leen]

Hi all,

im so glad that there is a place like this where we can share thoughts and experiences. I’m thankful there is no judging. It’s been a week and half since this has all happened and I now understand what the professional doctors was saying about making the right decision and the only one that has to deal with the pain and suffering is just me.

I’ve had such a rough week and it’s a lot harder than I had expected. I keep thinking about what if and unfortunately I don’t want to think about it but it happens in my head and I’ve had really bad insomnia already and after this it has made it worst.

I don’t know but I feel a real sense of guilt and I can’t seem to shake it off. It gets to me and it’s also affecting my performance at work. The pressure to be this perfect mum is so hard. I look at my kids and I’m focusing all my energy on them and making sure they turn out to be great kids.

My oldest child is very mature and I explained to him that Mummy has ben sick and that I need him to make sure to look after his sister and help me out. Because I’m very short tempered at the moment and I can’t seem to control my anger and depression. Mentally this was a lot harder and the pain inside my heart doesn’t want to go away.

I’m putting in a brave face as much as possible for the kids and my family.

The worst part is that the so called partner is just purely not supportive at all which is upsetting and disappointing. I’ve had nights which I get so upset that I can’t stop crying. And he turns to his side of the bed and goes to bed and actually sleeps. It’s from this I’ve learnt a hard lesson and that in life you can’t trust anyone to be there for you unless it’s your own blood. Anyone else is always going to be a stranger and if you don’t look after yourself no one else would.

[smallwolf]

Hi Mummy leen,

Will start with something I said in my previous post...

“I am only human. I am doing the best I can.” Be kind and gentle with yourself; show yourself compassion.

I know you would like to the be the perfect mum, but is that really possible? Doing the best we can is one thing, but doing literally everything without error would be for me impossible.

Secondly, and in relation to the bit on bold again, it will likely take some time the process what has happened. One week is not very long. and there is always the option of getting professional help if needed (as your husband does not sound very supportive towards you at the moment). But that is also something you could explain to him, and ask him about?

At the place you went to, did they give you any contact information or people you could speak to afterwards?

Right now, this is about you. I was given a mantra of sorts from my psychologist about making mistakes. And I have to repeat that whenever I need to. If you allow me, your mantra should be the words at the top of this post. Your kids love you, you are working to provide for them. You have an inner strength that will get you through this one day. Just take each day, one at a time.

Tim

[quirkywords]

Mummy keen,

I am sorry you are having a rough time.

Tim has given lots of support and I agree that you might consider contacting the place for post procedure counselling. Most pales offer some follow up and they would be able to help you.

I think you knew it would b hard. a friend who had the same procedure said the hardest time was the first few weeks after as she had spent ages trying to decide but she hadn’t planned whatbto afterwards.

I agree one day at a time, we are here for you to support you. Anytime you want to post feel free to.

I understand what it is like to have an unsupportive partner.

Quirky