Shame

[Tr87]

Hi guys, i don't really have many people to talk to about this so i thought id give this a try.

I've struggled previously with depression but nothing like this. I have lost all motivation to do anything. After much convincing, I moved overseas to be with a special (so i thought) girl, i gave up lot. But the last few weeks I've really been battling to get off the couch and do anything beside work, and just generally down in the dumps. Im a pretty quiet kind of guy and keep to myself mostly except for my girlfriend. Today she left me for someone else because of this. Even though she claimed she loved me. We were planning a trip together to see my family, all booked and paid for by my family. So now i have to go back alone and I'm scared and ashamed that I've been so stupid and threw away so much for her. I really don't know what to do. Even before she left i was feeling really low, but now its so much worse. I feel almost paralysed. We had our future all planned out, now i have no idea what I'm going to do. And im scared and alone

[Bridge]

hey mate

your not alone.  we're all here, ready to help and listen.  theres a lot of people here, all very familiar with the overwhelming paralysis of a good depression.  (Unfortunately.) People here are supportive, unjudgemental and willing and able to help as much as, and in any way, they can.

so, firstly, well done for getting on here. its a good step to have taken.

secondly, head to your gp and tell them whats happening.  They can provide you with information, councelling services, drugs, lots of helpful things. embarassing, awkward, but necessary.

thirdly, you need to tell your family at some point, but it doesnt have to be today.  or even this week.  give your self a little space to take in this huge change.

fourthly (is that  a word?) you're not the first to find yourself in this situation, and you wont be the last.  Reading your story, Im impressed you would make such a big comittment to someone.  Maybe it hasnt worked at this point, but you are capable of it.  That is impressive.

Here is a HUG. 

Bridge

[Tr87]

Thank you for your kind words.

i just feel like everything is my fault and that I've let everyone down. I feel trapped. Like I've got nowhere to go. If i go home i have to face the embarrassment and shame, and if i stay, its a small place, and would have to see her and her new boyfriend all time and that would kill me. I can barely muster the courage to leave the house or eat