Self

[Carolyn_Rae]

Hi,

My partner of 2 years and I have just returned from our first overseas trip. Whilst it had its high points it also had its low points. He is used to travelling overseas by himself and towards the end of the holiday he got angry and impatient towards me and said that he is better off travelling by himself. Upon return to Australia, we stopped by for two days to see my family. This is the first time he has met them and when we got home he asked me if my dad felt that my partner was worthy of my presence. I reassured my partner that yes, of course. Since then, my partner has been impatient, frustrated and picking fights with me - saying that I float along in life, that he is wanting to find someone else, that one minute he says that we're going to save up for a boat and then forcing me to change my mobile phone provider to one that he wants me to use (not much cheaper) and the next minute saying that he now wants to get a loan because he doesn't want to wait the 5 weeks to save up for the boat - a 5 metre run-about boat.

I don't have my drivers license (learners only) and he did try to teach me how to drive but lost his patience and had me do an overtaking manuver in a 100 km/h zone but ended up doing 120 km/h and some other illegal moves.

In the end, I stopped taking driving lessons with him (because of this).

Admittedly my partner is 44 years old and hasn't been in a relationship this long. He has PTSD, depression, anxiety and smokes weed to calm him.

I get that we had spent so much time together on the holidays that by the time we came home we wanted to do our own thing/s, but where I'm confused is that he would ask me to come with him to the doctors, movies etc and then in the next breath want nothing to do with me. All I wanted to do is finish reading a good book, get a haircut and do the grocery shopping and housework.

I'm so confused.

[Carolyn_Rae]

Hi White Rose,

I guess I've got nothing to lose. My BF said last night that there is still $5000.00 owing on his motor bike loan..... usually he would tell me to hurry up with my study and get a better paying job so that the loan can be paid off faster (he works as well) so that the boat can be purchased. He didn't say anything this morning except printed out his resume and is going to apply for a better paying (less manual labour) job at his current work. Also, we are going to be looking after his parents dog for a week and when I asked about if we should go and purchase the fencing to make the fence higher he was antsy about it and told me not to worry about it. Mind you, he bought a GoPro camera/video $440.00 and then yesterday purchased GoPro accessories (such as tripods, camera selfie stick and other things. So when he tries to get me to get a better paying job and all the while spends money on these toys I literally 'shake it off'. Especially as he collects bank notes (so instead of the money change going to rent, he keeps it for his collection as they are worth some money - like his retirement fund).

[geoff]

hi Carolyn, at least he was smart enough not to smoke weed while o/s otherwise there could be trouble, but that doesn't stop the fact that he could purchase it if he knew any contacts.
To me, your partner is full of what he only wants and only considers what is going to suit him, not you, and what else is involved in this liquid lunch, I wonder.
You are not going to be happy, that's clear enough, and to stay in a r/ship you have to think about what is going to happen in the future, for him to buy everything he wants and what do you get?
Best for you to move on and start looking after yourself. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Caroline

Every word you write makes me ache for you. This is such a toxic relationship. Do you know what keeps you there? My husband was very like your BF except that he did not want me to go to work. Not for any concern about me but because he felt in charge, the person who held the purse strings, who could complain when I spent too much because it was his money.

You are working to give him the lifestyle he wants. Will he be happy when he has all his toys or will he want more? He will want more and your role will be to provide them. Can you ask yourself, what would happen if you gave up your job? I think he would vanish pretty quickly.

I don't want to go on urging you to leave as it probably sounds like nagging. Just think what you would like (other than the BF) and set about making your dreams come true. I think you will meet a great deal of opposition.

Will you consider getting some counselling? Relationships Australia are good at this. Doesn't matter if the BF doesn't go. In fact I think it would be best if he didn't know, at least for a while. They charge low fees or no fee so I think you could afford to go. Please take care of yourself.

Mary

[Carolyn_Rae]

Thanks for your reply White Rose.

We've spent the last couple of days looking after his mum and dad's dog. It's a wonderful distraction.

His brother rang earlier and Dave stept outside to take the call. Dave has never done that before when his brother has rung him. Dave did have a liquid lunch with his brother a week ago (during the height of his and my situation). No prizes for guessing what they were talking about. I hope that he was venting with his brother and not telling his brother that he was going to leave. I guess I should do the Taylor Swift song and 'Shake it Off'.

I submitted the 2nd of my 5th assignment to get my certificate in clinical coding (medical) - totally my choice (I actually had to fight to get to do it). This is a job that I would like to do. 🙂