Relationship troubles

[Opal48]

Tonight at dinner with my partners family, I was sitting at the table talking and having fun with his sister and cousin, we had our phone out pretending to “vlog” so we were talking to the camera saying things like “it’s Easter 2026! Hello future us” just having honest fun. Then my boyfriend turns to me and tells me I’m being loud and disrespectful, I was like what? Everyone’s talking loud, everyone’s having fun the whole family has like 10 different conversations going on between each other how am I being disrespectful. He said I was being rude? His sister told him to relax because we weren’t even being that loud. I did however stop and kinda just go silent. In the car on the way back to his house, he asked me if I was upset and I said yes because he had told me off infront of everyone like he was my father, and he said “well exactly I shouldn’t have to act like your dad, you should just be respectful” and I was confused and questioned what I even did wrong, and he said I was being annoying and loud and obnoxious and that everyone’s too nice to say how annoying I am to my face. I started crying, because at this point I felt embarrassed, I messaged his sister asking if this was the case if I was actually being loud and she said no he’s just being dramatic and I shouldn’t worry because no one even cared what we were doing except for him. When I got to his house he told me I was acting like a high schooler crying and not seeing his point of view. I stormed out the house crying and drove back to my house.

from an outside perspective do I have a right to be hurt over this? I expressed to him what he was saying was hurtful calling me annoying etc. as I was leaving the house he said “that’s what I thought” ? He’s honestly hurt my feelings so much and I don’t know what to do or where this even came from 

[HaydenK]

I feel this is a perspective issue. If I were you, even against your intuition that tells you to stay clear of him, you should sit down, hear his concerns and explain yours. If there's any issues with arranging such a vital favor, you should take your mind off the matter, and move on with your life, that will temporarily exclude him. Whatever you do to approach this, it should be in your best interest. I'm no expert with this sorta thing, so do whatever you feel is right.

[blues23]

Hi guest 

From reading your post it seems your boyfriend has problems with your behaviour, and feels he needs to step in like a father to stop u misbehaving . I’m sorry this happened to you, as a person with their own feelings this must have been very hurtful to you , has your boyfriend exhibited this type of behaviour to you in the past? It seems he is overreacting , trying to get u to be quiet and when u don’t do things he mentions he disrespects u and ur feelings and says he has to step up like ur dad …. I think you should evaluate your relationship with this man . Respect is important in a relationship so is being able express ur feelings without being called a high schooler. It really depends on how you feel about him and if u see a long future with his behaviour towards you , set boundaries and stick to them if he ignores ur boundaries  & continues to disrespect and undermine ur feelings then u have ur answer 

[Psychdiaries2]

Hey there,

Thanks for your post, and welcome to the forums!

I'm sorry that happened. I understand why you feel upset and embarrassed. It can be really rude to make a scene in front of everyone. I think you are right to feel hurt over this because your boyfriend calling you annoying is not nice, especially since you said you were making a harmless video with his sister. Don't worry, your feelings are valid. 

I don't think anyone in a relationship should feel the need to 'father' the other person. I suggest you two have a talk about this again, hopefully in a calmer way where you can talk openly. It sounds like he was irritated which might have been built up by something else? It's definitely worth having a chat. Respect goes both ways and he needs to understand why what he said wasn't ok. 

Reach out if you need anymore support. Wishing you the best,

PsychDiaries

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear guest,

Im sorry that happened to you, I think your partner should have maybe asked to speak to you privately and you both leave the table to talk privately…

For me, and it’s my opinion only, vlogging or playing with your phone at a family dinner is not the right thing to do….your their with family members, to enjoy each others company…maybe your partner was embarrassed because you both weren’t participating in the discussions going on around the table…maybe he thought that by you using your phone, you were ignoring his family…..Im sorry if my words are direct…but as I said that’s just my opinion…

My kindest thoughts Dear guest…

Grandy…

[therising]

A very warm welcome to you 🤗

While some people don't recognise us as being a feeler of words and the intention behind them, others want us to feel every word they say. With those who are fully conscious of our ability to feel or sense so easily, they can be well worth questioning at times, especially if their intention is for us to feel reprimand, embarrassment, sadness, some sense of shame or degradation and so on. We could ask 'While you could have led me to feel anything else but those emotions, why did you choose for me to feel those?'. Sometimes it can be about leading others to become more conscious of their choices. Btw, there are plenty of folk out there who may say to us 'You're too sensitive'. My response to that would be 'Hell yeah! How else do you think I would be able to sense your intention? Don't turn my ability (to sense) into my fault'.

Seeing sensitivity as an ability instead of a fault can be an absolute game changer, especially if we're going to begin questioning people either in our mind or out loud. 

• Feeling a comment as being degrading often indicates it's a degrading comment otherwise we wouldn't have sensed elements of degradation
• Feeling a comment as being thoughtful often indicates care and thought being put into it, otherwise we wouldn't have sensed elements of care and thoughtfulness
• Feeling a mental and/or emotional slap coming can involve feeling or sensing the words 'Don't take this the wrong way but...'. Btw, if the person who's says this can already sense it as an insult, my question is 'Why not rephrase it to be something that's more so felt as inspirational?'. For example 'Don't take this the wrong way but you look horrible in that green top' can become 'I love the style of top but I have to say blue is 100% your colour. Green just doesn't do you justice'

A different way of looking at how we feel words can involve the idea 'Okay, so I have the ability to feel what people say to me (as well as what I say to myself). What can I do with that? How can I develop that ability into something constructive and seriously amazing?'. Sometimes a good test of how well we can feel/sense is to gain an even greater sense of where someone's coming from. While we can experience a basic sense of degradation in someone's words to us, next level involves gaining a greater sense of exactly where those words are coming from. Then we can announce with great confidence to that person, for example, 'I'm sensing a serious case of self entitlement here, where you feel entitled to say whatever you want without consequence. Now, are you ready for the consequence? Brace yourself' 😁

[Earth Girl]

Hi Guest,

I'm sorry about what happened, that would have been hurtful.

Since I wasn't there, it's hard for me to know how things would have come across (e.g if you and the other two women you were having fun with were being a bit too loud), but I don't think he handled it in the best way. It sounds like he may have had some feelings building up, but instead of talking to you about it, it came out at a time which wasn't really appropriate and he expressed (not that he explained things that much) in a way that was hurtful and not helpful.  

Like you said, you and the other two women were just having innocent fun and you didn't know that it was annoying him/possibly other people as well (It may have just been him who was annoyed) so imo, you haven't done anything wrong. 

I feel as though, if he had a problem, he should have taken you aside and explained to you nicely what his concerns were instead of just saying "you're being too loud and annoying and acting like a child", it would have been better to just ask if you could be a bit quieter because it is making it harder for him to concentrate while he was talking to the people at the table. He has the right to an opinion, but he didn't express it in a way that was respectful and he didn't explain what exactly the actual problem was.

You have the right to be hurt over this, I would feel hurt too. Since I think he may have acted this way because he didn't feel comfortable talking to you about this a long time ago so it just sort of built up over time and then came out in a way that wasn't great, I would probably give him a chance to explain things to you in a nicer way and see what he says and how he says it. Maybe you could reach out to him through text and say something like "Hey, I'm sorry things didn't go as we hoped for that night. I'm a bit confused as to what exactly I did wrong and I was wondering if we could talk about it privately so I know what to do in the future." If he responds rudely to this as well, then I don't think that is okay because it sounds like there has been time for things to have calmed down and there's nothing wrong with just wanting to talk about it and hear each other out.