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Relationship too 'boring'. Partner puts everything else before me.
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10-06-2016
01:18 PM
Hey guys, what should I do? I'm losing my mind.
So my parter and I have been together 2 1/2 yrs. The thing is I'm reaaaally spontaneous & adventurous. When we fell in love he said he was interested in doing all these things with me. But time & time again, he's cancelled on dinner dates, walks in the park, art galleries, going on a camping trip (I went w a m8), Adventures into the country, going on an overseas holiday for a month (I went alone).
I had always been extremely independent & was always out doing something, saying 'yes' to things (that was my 'rule' lol). It gave me a lot of amazing experiences that I cherish dearly. But after my last two relationships, I realized I was looking for a long-term partner to share these adventures with. Who would also, at least sometimes say 'yeah, let's go do that!'.
Anyway, so when we got together he promised some ideas which for me were a basic foundation to our long-term plans. That we'd do fun things together, live our life, that he was up for adventure. We also both wanted to be together long-term.
But now it all feels like a false pretence. He just wants to stay at home and 'cuddle'. Stuff that. We've only been on three dinner dates in the entire time we've been together. He IS a very outgoing, fun guy, but only when it comes to other people and their events. A party at a mates place? Any place a friend wants to go? He's there with bells on. A holiday? Only to visit HIS family, we've been 3 times and I'm super bored there after 3 days. He won't come with me to visit my family. While we're on these holidays, he won't do a anything with me. All I wanted to do was go on a fishing trip, finally found someone to take us but he goes to catch up w an old school friend. I went by myself. He wouldn't even come to the beach with me. Then I finally decided okay, I'll go out and do my own things, and he calls me and tells me he needs me at his side to go visit another family member of his. I tell him I already made some plans, and he hangs up the phone on me! The whole trip. Our whole relationship is about him. Even his family member laughed when I told em about all this. "Haha, yeah he's lovely but really selfish, didn't you know that?"
Honestly, I just feel like I'm an annoying pet/toy that's there for cuddles & needs to be taken for walks. The only way I can have fun with him is if I tag along to his things. I know I can do things by myself/w friends. But I wanted to find a partner to share things with 😞
So my parter and I have been together 2 1/2 yrs. The thing is I'm reaaaally spontaneous & adventurous. When we fell in love he said he was interested in doing all these things with me. But time & time again, he's cancelled on dinner dates, walks in the park, art galleries, going on a camping trip (I went w a m8), Adventures into the country, going on an overseas holiday for a month (I went alone).
I had always been extremely independent & was always out doing something, saying 'yes' to things (that was my 'rule' lol). It gave me a lot of amazing experiences that I cherish dearly. But after my last two relationships, I realized I was looking for a long-term partner to share these adventures with. Who would also, at least sometimes say 'yeah, let's go do that!'.
Anyway, so when we got together he promised some ideas which for me were a basic foundation to our long-term plans. That we'd do fun things together, live our life, that he was up for adventure. We also both wanted to be together long-term.
But now it all feels like a false pretence. He just wants to stay at home and 'cuddle'. Stuff that. We've only been on three dinner dates in the entire time we've been together. He IS a very outgoing, fun guy, but only when it comes to other people and their events. A party at a mates place? Any place a friend wants to go? He's there with bells on. A holiday? Only to visit HIS family, we've been 3 times and I'm super bored there after 3 days. He won't come with me to visit my family. While we're on these holidays, he won't do a anything with me. All I wanted to do was go on a fishing trip, finally found someone to take us but he goes to catch up w an old school friend. I went by myself. He wouldn't even come to the beach with me. Then I finally decided okay, I'll go out and do my own things, and he calls me and tells me he needs me at his side to go visit another family member of his. I tell him I already made some plans, and he hangs up the phone on me! The whole trip. Our whole relationship is about him. Even his family member laughed when I told em about all this. "Haha, yeah he's lovely but really selfish, didn't you know that?"
Honestly, I just feel like I'm an annoying pet/toy that's there for cuddles & needs to be taken for walks. The only way I can have fun with him is if I tag along to his things. I know I can do things by myself/w friends. But I wanted to find a partner to share things with 😞
3 Replies 3
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10-06-2016
01:34 PM
Just to clarify, it's like he sees everything else except me as important (to work on) apparently catching up with friends is so that he can 'make an appearance, show his face, build on a new friendship etc' according to him. But when I say 'yeah man, you also need to build on your romantic relationships' it's like he thinks he doesn't have to. Because we live together, he feels I'm always going to be there... and I am there, physically, but when it comes to my mind, I can't even be bothered anymore, because he isn't even interested in having a conversation with me. He just tells me he loves me and then goes and plays video games. He tells me he loves me aaaalllllll the time (almost too much). But he just says it, it's not like he does anything to show it. And that's all he says. He's not actually interested in what I did that day or what my thoughts are on anything.
I just started a new job and he tuned out whilst I was telling him how the trial went. That's a pretty common occurence, he always tunes out.
Wow, after writing all this down, our relationship doesn't look very good on paper. He is a really decent guy. If he was to start putting more effort in, he'd be perfect. We've just argued so much about this topic that I'm not sure anything will ever change 😞
I just started a new job and he tuned out whilst I was telling him how the trial went. That's a pretty common occurence, he always tunes out.
Wow, after writing all this down, our relationship doesn't look very good on paper. He is a really decent guy. If he was to start putting more effort in, he'd be perfect. We've just argued so much about this topic that I'm not sure anything will ever change 😞
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10-06-2016
03:14 PM
Hi AliceAlice. I get where you're coming from, he is decent in that he doesn't insult, abuse, physically abuse. Unfortunately he sounds a bit immature, he wants to be with his family, his friends, do his thing. It also seems like you don't have many common interests, you are the 'outdoorsy' type, he's the 'stay at home, relax, put feet up' type. Perhaps when you met, he only said he was interested in outings etc, so you would start a relationship. Staying together for the wrong reasons means actually, neither of you will be happy. You want something he can't give, he wants someone to show off to friends, family etc, that isn't you. You're the only one who can decide what you want, whether you want to stay with him. Having said all that you get with him, is not what you want. The decision is yours and you need to discuss with him if he wants to meet you half way. If he's definitely not willing to compromise at all, but he's still happy to remain with you, then it's up to you to decide.
Lynda
My decision would be - to walk, but that's me.
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21-07-2016
11:39 AM
Hi Pipsy Thanks so much for replying and I apologize about replying so late.
I guess the situation didn't change until recently. But I thank you dearly for your advice. As hard as it's going to be, I am leaving. We're not officially breaking up, as I feel that he might change once he gets some things in his own life sorted out. If you search 'I need help with my partner :(' in relationship and family issues, you'll see that there's actually a fair bit more to the story than what I said above (I thought it was too much to put in one post). But I feel that maybe, with some changes, he might change his ways.
But for the time being, yes, I am getting my butt out of this situation and am moving interstate to live with my mum for a while. And in an unknown time period, after I leave, he'll either kick into gear and work his stuff out, or if he doesn't, then I'll be out of that situation for good. Either way, the space and time will be a healthy move for myself and for him.
I'm really excited to be making this move for myself as I've been wanting for so long to be somewhere more lively and nurturing.
Thank you again very much for replying, and even without knowing the whole story, you hit the nail on the head with your suggestion of leaving. Either way, this is the best and healthiest option. ❤️
I guess the situation didn't change until recently. But I thank you dearly for your advice. As hard as it's going to be, I am leaving. We're not officially breaking up, as I feel that he might change once he gets some things in his own life sorted out. If you search 'I need help with my partner :(' in relationship and family issues, you'll see that there's actually a fair bit more to the story than what I said above (I thought it was too much to put in one post). But I feel that maybe, with some changes, he might change his ways.
But for the time being, yes, I am getting my butt out of this situation and am moving interstate to live with my mum for a while. And in an unknown time period, after I leave, he'll either kick into gear and work his stuff out, or if he doesn't, then I'll be out of that situation for good. Either way, the space and time will be a healthy move for myself and for him.
I'm really excited to be making this move for myself as I've been wanting for so long to be somewhere more lively and nurturing.
Thank you again very much for replying, and even without knowing the whole story, you hit the nail on the head with your suggestion of leaving. Either way, this is the best and healthiest option. ❤️
