relationship break up, afraid of being alone, and lonely

[johnboy_p]

Hi new to this so not sure how it works

i have just gone through a tough few years. first living apart from my wife and kids in different countries, then moved to be with them, then the marriage break up earlier this year after 18 years. Got in a new relationship which happen quicker than expected, then few months in, got dumped, for no reason and it was all has been going so well.

This is my first really reach out for help, i should have asked a long time ago as i have been struggling internally with myself for so long, with feeling useless and alone and scared to ask for help.

My story: being new to my location, i have only work colleagues as friends and most are typically younger and not in the same situation as me. as i have kids 50% of the time I dont get out and also dont like partying to much, and the school parents know the ex better due to her being here longer.

i guess the dumping today has raised a lot of issues that have been simmering for some time. the lost of my marriage, which i probably didnt deal properly. The lonelness of living away, the worry of life, taking so long to get a job in the new location, the feeling of not feeling good about myself, the I want to hide when i finish work in my house, I also over think things and convince myself of something when sometimes nothings there. Ive go up and down depending on whats happening.

i ran and ran when living away, to keep my mind off things, though i am run out now.

i do things with people but generally very early in weekend so when its over i have to face the rest of the weekend alone. i am liked (i think) but generally dont do things with others. though i am t scared to ask fo rejection.

sorry this is a brain dump, and have been crying all day and have realised i need help and support. i cant do this. i know all this may sound silly and hopefully the right place to start.

i dont want to be alone. i dont feel i, strong enough though but i need to learn to be for my two beautiful kids. I need to get out and meet friends.

what should i do.

[Litage]

I see this thread is quite old but I found it by searching "fear of weekend following family break-up". My marriage broke up suddenly after I'd been with my husband 35 years, when I found he'd been in another relationship for a year with a woman in her early 30s. I'd been the primary earner and carer and accepted he had his interests and needed his space and didn't suspect. I felt utterly annihilated when I realised, having received an inheritance from his father and having moved his mother (against her will) into a nursing home so he had another house, he no longer needed me in any way - and off he went. I am lucky in that my two children, 16 and 20, still live with me and I have the house and am financially fine. However, the children normally see their father on Fridays and I dread the empty house and the idea of the family existing without me and that it will never be complete again. I try to arrange something on Friday so I won't be alone in the house but something always seems to go wrong. A friend and neighbour that I call on is a workaholic who will have a meal with me but then return to work so I'm alone again, or he's away on business, or the children say they don't want to go out with their father but do at the last minute and I'm alone. I used to look forward so much to being with my family on the weekend and just eating and chilling with them. Now anticipation of the weekend is the low point of my week. I lay awake last night, Thursday night, hating what was coming and thinking, if I'm still awake when dawn comes, I'm just going to get up and do a Voss and walk off through the bush into oblivion. I don't want this smashed life. I cannot do it. Hating the weekend, working, working, working till it comes round again and round and round and round it goes. Putting time between me and when my life disintegrated but not getting better.

[Caramello]

Hi Litage, i see you posted a couple of weeks back but just wanted you to know someone saw ur post... I feel for you, and just wanted to say i understand. The weekends are hard, i ageee. If u want to talk more, reply and ill send u my text number. Hang in there, hugs xx karen