please help

[Ricardo2]

My wife and I are having an in-house separation at the moment. we have been married almost 20 years. it has come to a point that she is so unhappy with me that she has asked me to leave. I am going through a bad time at work and I suspect I have depression, seen my GP but not had the results as yet. I do not feel comfortable talking to her.

this morning she told me to take the kids and go to Melbourne for Christmas, as my family live there, I told her that is not an option. I am getting help and I have asked her to get help as well, but she does not believe she needs it.

what do I do

[Apollo_Black]

So have you been to a marriage counselor together???

[pipsy]

Hi Ricardo 2. With me, my toxic in-laws caused most of our problems. I had severe depression, I begged my ex to spend time with me. He repeatedly, totally ignored my needs in favour of his parents. My ex MIL frequently questioned everything we did. My ex FIL wrote the book on chauvinism. I was constantly told to 'snap out of it'. My ex was paranoid about money, he would frequently tell me to 'tighten my belt' with money, then tell me not to 'take it personally', when I asked him how I was supposed to 'tighten my belt'. I took this treatment for over 20 years till I 'snapped'. The severity of my depression, plus the frequent ignorance from ex and his parents, had me questioning everything. Through these forums, I re-gained my confidence and made the decision to leave. Depression can cloud your mind and trying to sort fact from fiction becomes a nightmare. Since leaving him, I am thinking clearly and know what I want. My finances are mine and I'm now in control of my life. The counselling and support I received from here got me to where I am now. The decision to leave only came into fruition when I was able to think clearly about what I wanted. It took several months, but I was told not to rush, I was told to weigh up what I had against what I could have. I had nothing, now I have everything, but I took things slowly. I would lay awake at night, fretting. I self blamed (this is normal in victims). I know now I was not to blame, I made the wrong choice. It's no-one's fault. Your case is different.

Lynda

[Ricardo2]

Hi Apollo we went to a counsellor once together some time ago and i really didn't like him, as he said men and women are not meant to be together the only reason they do is because they like whats in-between each others legs. i thought it was a very strange thing to say.

Lynda you have not mentioned if you had any kids? would your dissection to leave wold have been different?

in my case i really do not think separation is the best thing as i really still love her so much. but does she love me back?

[pipsy]

Hi Ricardo 2. The counsellors comments regarding the reason men and women get together was extremely inappropriate. Were you able to report this? I do have children 2 grown-up, both married with their own families. No, they are not his. They were not completely aware just how toxic things were. Their relationship with my ex was difficult as they did not entirely approve of the marriage. They did meet my ex in-laws a few times and things there were strained as well. I actually made an attempt to end my life and this caused major disruptions within our household and with my toxic in-laws. My kids were furious, beyond furious when I attempted suicide. They demanded to know why and where my ex was. He was at work. My son and son in-law nearly came to blows with my ex in the hospital carpark. My chauvinistic ex FIL told me to see my local minister for counselling. These forums were major in guiding and supporting me. My ex MIL frequently questioned everything my ex and I wanted to do or buy. My ex never supported me by telling her to mind her business. I was told frequently to just ignore her. My ex family are great in telling everyone to ignore everyone else. However, you can't keep just ignoring or pretending when you are feeling so depressed and need support. I do still experience 'down' days but they are few and far between and I have strategies for handling the depression. I have contacts available and I have a job which has been good. Severe depression is different because it stops you from functioning. I've had severe depression and understand more.

Lynda