Hi, welcome
It sounds intense so I understand how you feel and him also.
Balancing the care of 3 children, one with autism with a parent with depression is imo a powder keg. Gee, we're retired and the barking and demands two little dogs belch out drives me nuts. I also had two little kids many years ago and that was intense.
For those reasons alone plus the alcoholism I believe you both need serious help and I'd muster up all your courage to contact originations and Govt departments to seek all the help and care you can. Your GP consultation is a must and their referrals.
I'd like to see that all those avenues are exhausted before you separate, even stay together and live apart because if he's alone I'm afraid things like his addiction can accelerate. On the other hand you have to also protect yourself and the children in terms of safety and their environment.
Our role here is limited to general support and offering lived experience. We are not professional medical staff. So it's a great place to seek comfort, clarity over managing your challenges and asking for suggestions but professional help is what you need and I dont see any easy solutions. What I do know is that whatever changes occur if you can go all out to remain a supportive friend to him he just might see you as a bigger part of his life that he can rely on and realise the way forward is seeking help and working together. A little like how the best police talk friendly to criminals but firmly when they refuse to turn a blind eye to illegal activities. Have definate boundaries. Sadly with addictions its often the case the one addicted has to be led like a child, that means you are the boss, the supreme parent and it means you have to take control. You did that with his brief holidays so well done.
I hope that helps. If you have any trauma you can ring the number at the bottom of the page. Reply anytime.
TonyWK
