Hi Feelinglost3
The girls sound blessed to have you as their step mum, someone who is supportive, thoughtful, caring and more and most importantly someone who is willing to open their mind. While you wonder how the relationships changed, how they can be improved, how you can manage setting boundaries regarding respect etc etc, your mind is not fixed around any 'THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE' mentality. You are wonderful, full of wonder. They're lucky girls, to have someone so wonderful in their life.
Labels and age aside (so no status of 'Step mum' or age), sometimes a lot can come down to the nature of people and how they tick. When money can buy a certain type of excitement and people (whether they be fifteen or fifty) want to feel excitement, it can be hard to compete with the kind of excitement that only money can buy. Whether people grow out of that and begin to look for excitement in other ways can depend on the nature of the person and the various influences in their life.
Again, whether 15 or 50, it's fair to question whether a person is reasonable or not. Leading them to become more reason able can depend on a lot of things, including how we approach each person. This is what I've found for myself. Btw, I will never seek reasons from an unreasonable person. I figure I may as well go and bang my head against a wall, as it would be more productive 😅. Asking the girls to be more reason able, able to give you reasons for the lack of connection is fair. Given the way they treat you, it's also fair to expect a valid answer, as opposed to 'I don't know'. Whether they behave this way 1)on purpose, 2)they do it without being fully conscious or 3)they just don't care one way or the other, the reason will depend of the kind of boundaries set. 1)'If you come in here to purposely treat me like I don't exist, don't come or come and expect that I'll show discontent with you being here'. 2)Pull them up if they overstep a boundary into a less conscious state, regarding the way they treat you. 3)Their father needs to take responsibility in leading them to show more care, if they won't listen to you. He's one of their primary guides in life and needs to guide them thoughtfully and constructively while teaching them different ways to care (aka 'life skills').
I think if someone's behaviour impacts us personally, it's hard not to take it personally. I've found the remark 'Don't take it personally' to be a way of someone letting themself or others off the hook. 'I don't have to take responsibility for that person's behaviour' and/or 'That person doesn't have to take responsibility for their behaviour', instead 'You, don't take it so personally. You take responsibility for their behaviour, by managing the emotions that result from their behaviour'. It kind of reminds me of the remark 'Stop being so sensitive'. While such a remark used to bring me down, these days I tend to think 'No, you got it all wrong. If you were less insensitive, we wouldn't have a problem. Why do I need to be the person working on dulling my senses while you could be doing the kind of work that leads to being able to sense in greater ways?'.
I'm wondering whether you could use one of your super powers to somewhat change the nature of the relationship you share with the girls. What if you led them to a greater sense of wonder, instead of you being the only one to wonder about so much. What are some of the things they like to wonder about? For example, if one of them likes wondering about 'woo woo' stuff, for example (which is personally my cup of tea), leading them to take you on a bit of a guided tour of that rabbit hole can be a real conversation starter, instead of starting with 'How's work going?'. 'I wonder how quantum physics relates to woo woo stuff' could be a lead in. Or maybe 'Do you ever wonder where in the world you'd love to live if you had the chance and what you'd do if you lived there?'. If they enjoy imagining, lead them to imagine.
