Not being able to let sleeping dogs lie.

[Cherryblossom]

This is my first post since introducing myself some months ago, so here goes.

I stopped going to counselling in January this year after feeling worse and going backwards with that particular therapist. I went back to my GP last month and asked to be referred to see someone because I wasn't coping at all and fortunately had got to see someone quickly and have already seen therapist once and set to see again at the end of this week.

I suffer deeply from a range of problems including depression, social anxiety and panic attacks to the point I don't leave my house.

I so much want a future and to change the way I am and I can plan the future, my biggest problem at the moment is living day to day. That's where I'm not coping. Every day is such a big struggle. I have a very supporting husband, that I constantly and unfortunately fight with almost on a daily basis, due to my  problems.

Part of my problems is also trust issues. I bring things up, you could almost set you clock to it, regularly. All i want is for somethings to forget and move on, but like many things all I need is one little noise or word and all those unwanted memories and emotions come flooding back. Therefore Hubby and I fight because of it. I have hurt him so much with my behavior and spiteful words that all I want to do is leave so I don't hurt him anymore.

I have always had trust issues with most people due to me letting people walk all over me, I have always trusted my Husband until September last year when I found purely by accident, some flirty text messages and then the worse thing possible, picture. Since then I haven't trusted him completely. I still have a problem with it even though we have talked about on many occasions, he has assured me on many occasions that he hasn't talked to her since and i started believing him until last month she rang out of the blue and now has knocked down that belief. My biggest problem with it all has been that he hasn't actually told her to stop ringing or texting. Maybe out of respect she hasn't done either, and knows that what they have done is wrong, I'm constantly on guard in case when the phone ring that she is ringing and that is my biggest fear. This is the only time this has happened.

I want to trust him again like a used to, but an Invisible brick wall keeps me from doing it.

What I would like is for anybody that reads this to please give me some advise on how to get over THAT wall, so both of us can heal and move on.

CherryBlossom

[Doolhof]

Hi Cheery Blossom,

Is it possible for you and your husband to attend some relationship counselling together? "Relationships Australia" offer help for couples as do so many different organisations. It may be beneficial to check this out.

I do realise you have issues and it may be difficult for you to get out to appointments, but it sounds like you will both benefit from this.

It must have been very devastating and difficult to discover the realisation you r husband has sought out the companionship of another lady one way or another.

Instead of getting angry with your husband, is it possible for you to write down how you are feeling about the issues in your life? I don't mean the trust issue, that is something that really needs to be worked on. Maybe you can work on smaller issues and try to sort those out.

Have you tried making  a list of things you feel like you need to achieve that day? Even if you only manage to achieve one of those things, congratulate yourself for being able to do that.

This morning I made myself a list of things I felt like I really needed to do. I have not managed to accomplish them all, but that is okay. I decided to wash the car instead when I came home from work. The other things will have to wait until tomorrow or the next day.

Try to make your day a little easier and simpler to get through.

I have cut down on the number of things I feel like I need to do so my day is more achievable.

I hope you and your husband can work out your differences. Could you surprise him by cooking his favourite meal or go out together somewhere?

Think of something nice you can do for him without expecting anything back in return.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Cherryblossom]

Thanks for reply Mrs. Dools

There is a small update from when I posted earlier, Hubby and I are going to go down the relationship counselling side of things. As part of the company he works for, there is a counselling program that is already in place for the worker, spouse and families to use if they need it, so we are going to try it out.

Thanks for the small lists idea. I have to remember that even though I might only achieve one thing on a list, It's a good thing and not keep thinking I've failed, which is what I tell myself when I don't achieve everything and ultimately sabotage myself.

Have got a couple of things in mind to do things together, so watch this space.

Thank you once again for your reply.

Cheers Cherry Blossom

[Doolhof]

Hi Cherry Blossom,

All the best with the help that is provided through your husband's work. I hope it is very beneficial for you both.

Making lists certainly helps me, especially so when I remind myself that I don't need to achieve everything that I have written down in the one day.

I assist clients in their homes. I have learnt to be flexible as some of them run over time, need to change appointment times or what ever. No day is ever the same as the next.

I try to prepare the night before for the following day. I think about what I need to take along with me and how I will fill in my spare time between clients. Even if the plan doesn't work, at least I have thought of some strategies to make it run more smoothly.

Hope you manage to find some interesting and different things to do with your husband. I went to our local tourist information centre to have a look at what was available in our region and came up with a few different places to visit and explore.

Someone once said that variety is the spice to life, so I hope you can spice things up for you both!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools