Needing Advice

[WaterFront]

Hi,

My breakup happened almost a year ago. It was sudden, unexpected and not initiated by me. I was in shock for about four months and then fairly depressed for a good five months. I have been struggling with the feelings that come with being rejected. There was a bit of back and forth - mostly respectful and civilised - from both of us. I have processed all of this and while still sad about my loss, I was feeling a bit better. I haven’t talked to anyone about the situation or about how I have been feeling and can’t actually.

Then she recently started texting me, my birthday and so on. She is trying to be kind I think as she knows how badly I was affected and there is no chance of a reconciliation as she left me for someone else who she is still happily with. I don’t want that either. We had been friends for many years before we became involved.

My problem is that her texts are upsetting me for days afterwards and I’m trying to decide whether to ‘block’ her, and if I do, whether I should tell her that’s what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

I would really like some advice on what to do about this.

[WaterFront]

Hi Jt,

When I read your reply post, I literally felt 'lifted up'. Your words raised me up and made me feel positivity. I am going to carry them around with me in my head and heart for a while now.

I'll do the same with the kind and encouraging comments from Jsua, Croix and Geoff over the last day when I have re-reached out for support.

I am very grateful. Thank you.

WaterFront

[geoff]

Hello WaterFront, all you want is to feel better, whatever that may mean to you, but each day something happens that can make you see a little bit further, days or part of your day is different to how it was a while ago, you may laugh at what you were unable to, especially when all those around were laughing like crazy, now you're able to join them.

We must remember that love can be mixed up with pain and grief and that losing someone we once loved is not easy but it can change in many different ways as a relationship seems to go in opposite directions, not necessarily on purpose, but definitely can change for many unknown reasons.

What this means is that you are strong enough to develop your own ideas and to rekindle is not an option, you will find your own ability to move past this.

Take care.

Geoff.

[WaterFront]

Hi All,

I posted on another thread though I don't think anyone saw it so I decided to revive my own thread. Truthfully, I don't really want to come back to this thread and go over it all again but over the last couple of days I have been struggling with my feelings.

I have been given really good advice here about ways to move on, looking after myself, finding new interests, finding ways to give kindness to others rather than looking for love from someone who no longer does, 'Blocking' her. It's been 20 months now. I have followed all of this advice and have been finding myself starting to feel better and I guess recovering though I still find it very difficult to think about.

Then she contacted me a couple of days ago saying that she had been waiting for 20 months for me to come back (as a friend) and I said I wish I could but I can’t. She wanted to know if I wanted to come to her wedding to which I said no. It was a fairly emotionally exhausting three hour text conversation that I tried to leave once because I was getting upset. I told her it takes different people different amounts of time to get over things.

She just doesn’t get it. Doesn’t understand why I’m feeling hurt. Then she got assertive about the business we share and she runs, that she wants to take ownership of. I have been totally 'hands off' on the business this whole time. I provided her with two alternatives that I thought were fairer and would give her the result she wanted and I have been waiting for her to get back to me.

Just when I was starting to feel a bit better (relatively) and was more able to sit with it and accept the way things are, back she pops and unsettles me again - and leaves me hanging - which is her habit.

I’ve spent the last few days feeling awful and having the whole thing swirling around in my head again. I did nothing for two days except get out of bed and get dressed. Like a giant leap backwards. I have been journalling like crazy just to get the thoughts out of my head and that has helped. I go back to work in a couple of days and I'm hoping throwing myself into that will distract me further.

I'm just feeling sad about it all and wanted to express that somewhere. Thank you for listening. It helps. I suppose I just want someone to say 'Yeah, that sucks' like an acknowledgment of my feelings.

WF

[jtjt_4862]

Hi WaterFront,

It's okay to be taking steps backwards. Sometimes we're met with regression, and we tend to see that as ourselves failing to our old ways. But it's still growth and a learning lesson for us, so we can pick ourselves up again and keep moving forward.

It's certainly a tough spot for you to be in since you're both still connected through the business that you both have been running together. Until you're completely out of that joined business with her, you may have to deal with her again about the business, which sucks. Not all relationships can end with a mutually beneficial agreement, and as you said, everyone recovers from a heartbreak at a different rate. Some may never be able to heal thru fully, but we learn to adapt and live thru our lives with scars. You've been doing great with adapting while bearing the scars from someone who once meant the world to you, but it really sucks knowing that a great person like you will have to continue on living life with those scars :(. I'm sorry to hear that...

Keep going with what you feel is best for yourself. I hope she will consider the alternatives that you've proposed to her about the business. Though it might not be a bad idea if she takes complete ownership of the business, which ensures that you will never have to hear from her again. But I'm not sure what your income situation is like, and whether you are in a position to completely let go of the business.

We're here for you if you'd like to chat more 🙂

Jt

[WaterFront]

Thank you Jt. It really helps having your words of support and encouragement.

The journalling has been my best friend over the last couple of days as I can write down all my thoughts and feelings and then not send them and not communicate with her.

Moving forward again, though I think you are right about the scars for me. Time will tell.

WF