Narcissist parents who refuse to believe the existence of mental illness (or just any type of illness....

[Bonisnothappy]

Hi guys,

I just wanna find a tree hold to talk about my stories. From my perspective, it can be triggering so warning!

I just had a fight with my narcissist, toxic and manipulative dad... He told me to grow the f up cuz I'm already 25 yrs old so I should act and think mutually.. At that time I thought it was so ridiculous cuz till now I still have nightmares, sleeping problems, hard time breathing from time to time and maybe some mental problems, I haven't been officially diagnosed.

I now have difficulties trusting anyone, or even talking to anyone face to face... When I was a child my parents started to fight each other, attack each others' family members and educate me with that information. For example, my dad would tell me that people from my mother's side are all selfish typically my aunt is a psycho (not sure if she was diagnosed I guess not). Then my mom would tell me that my dad's relatives are all uneducated rude people, they are cheap and they prefer boys, unlucky I am a girl. I can remember every time I did something wrong, or when I was doing nothing, my mom would come to me to tell me that I should behave well or they were gonna have a young son cuz my dad was planning that already. I wasn't born in Australia, in my country back then every family only had one child. It was really rare to have another one because there was serious punishment for having exceeding children. I remembered I was hurt at that time because my family always told me that they loved me so they didn't care if I was a girl or not. They told me that I was treated like a boy (which means better than a girl in this context) because I got them as family members. I remembered at that time I felt like a homeless dog.

Then, my parents' relationship started to fall apart. Please please don't fight in front of your children or anywhere your children can notice. I witnessed my father's physical violence towards my mother... Also, I was listening to multiple fights during the night. One of my parents turned my heated blanket to the maximum level before having a fight, and when I woke up and listened to them quietly I was sweating but I was so scared to move, nor to turn the heated blanket off. I tried so hard to close my eyes but I was roasted by the heated blanket also the chaos outside was too loud...I think I have developed some PTSD from that... every time when my neighbour makes some noises I panic.

[HappyHelper88]

Hello Bonisnothappy, Thankyou for your post and welcome to the forum,

I am so sorry you have experienced this as it seems like alot for a young person to deal with, you are not alone as i experienced some childhood trauma from my parents. I recieved lots of treatment to overcome this.

You are suffering some symptoms that may be as a result of trauma but it seems like it would be benefifical to see someone to talk about all of this as you have been through a lot as a young person.

In terms of your parents refuse to believe the existence of mental illness, this is not uncommon in some countries you mentioned being from overseas, mental Health and talking about it is considered Taboo in some countries so that may be why your parents respond to mental illness in this way.

If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, we’re on 1300 22 4636 or you can reach us on webchat here. It can really help to talk things like this through.

Feel free to keep sharing, other members will likely be able to relate to what you’re going through.

[Croix]

Dear Bonisnothappy~

Welcome to your new thread, I read your other one about the racist unprofessional doctor, it enough to put one off seeking help.

Parents are special to their children -which seems pretty obvious - but they have an influence for good or bad that can affect a person there while life.

I'm afraid to you have been subject to constant abuse, first having the fact you are a girl held against you, then your parents telling toxic tales about the families, then their fights. Sadly I can picture you too frozen to turn the heat down when they were fighting. Under the circumstances I would think many would have reacted in the same way.

Life has thrown a lot at you and trying to cope wiht it all does not get easier just with age. At 25 in a country that does not look down on females your life should be so much better than it is.

At the moment you have mentioed "nightmares, sleeping problems, hard time breathing from time to time and maybe some mental problems, I haven't been officially diagnosed. I now have difficulties trusting anyone, or even talking to anyone face to face..."

This is a horrible way to live and you were on the right track seeking medical help. I too have had those symptoms, but form a different cause, and I know that I could never seem to make myself better.

It does not matter what your parents think of mental health problems, you are old enough to steer your own way, and decent medical help is the start. Over time I improved out of sight due to that help, (which was a change of scene, therapy and medications in my case).

So can I suggest you try again? As I mentioned the other day you are in control and can discard any medical professional who does not meet your very reasonable standards.

I know your parents are no help -quite the reverse - do you have any family over here or a friend with whom you can talk frankly, lean on them and feel cared for? I was lucky that way.

Apart from HappyHelper88's good suggestion of contacting the Beyond Blue Help Line I'd also consider giving 1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732 - a call. They are most experienced in family abuse and may be able to give advice and recommendations as to that needs doing. I do believe the sometimes give counseling too.

The effects you suffer from can be reduced right down -I'm an example of that .

I'd like it if we talked again

Croix

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome to the forums.

firstly, I echo the statements made by HappyHelper88 and Croix.

it also sounds like you have been through a lot in your life. You also deserve to find some happiness in your life and if that means you have the seek help and that is OK with you...There is no shame in finding someone to talk to, or should not be. While the stories of other users here are different to each other the associated feelings (broadly speaking) are similar if put on a numerical scale. As such, an understanding of what you might be going through and knowing it is not made up.

if you want to chat some more .... listening to you.

[Bonisnothappy]

Hi HappyHelper88, Croix and smallwolf,

Thank you for your kind words. Those are really all I need.

I actually made several posts that night in this thread trying to tell my story but I don't know what happened they all got rejected... However, being able to speak those things out really made me feel better. It might be a good start.

I know I should be affected by my family no more however I was once deeply brainwashed, I was like, I had to make myself in the form they expected to please them so I could survive in my perspective. There are just some roots still in my mind I cant get out which influence my decision of getting help as well. Like I said my parents were telling me basically lies at the time I didn't have the ability to identify which made me build a habit of not trusting everyone. I think I am afraid of people still. I do understand that seeking help would definitely improve the situation its just hard for me to make the move... Alongside every single time when I was preparing to seek help I found out that I just have too many problems... being paranoid, lack of trust, low-self-esteem, low-self-worth, social anxiety... you name it.

Actually, I went to the GP several times and went to have therapy once. The reason for saying I'm not diagnosed is because I was only told that I could be having severe depression and I might have anxiety and PTSD but the use of words 'can' and 'may' just aren't strong enough... I don't know why but I want a solid diagnosis to approve..

[Croix]

Dear Bonisnothappy~

I'm sorry if you were not able to put the words down for the Forum, however I'd imagine they might have made your thinking clearer anyway, given you more perspective -I do hope so.

May I say that having a label -PTSD, depression and so on might seem like an 'officiatial' way of explaining how you are, however I found at least when I was first being properly treated, no labels were mentioned, I'd simply have the problems addressed, both my thinking and also the resultant physical effects too. Labels came later, which was useful as it explained a lot, but they are not essential to start with.

What I do think is you need medical people that inspire confidence, and perhaps that 'may' is an indicator you need to tell them it is a problem (which I do suggest) or look elswhere. At the end of it all you will need to have confidence someone is doing you good.

Do you think you might be able to work with this GP and therapist if they were more definite

Maybe like me you could write down in point form the things that make your life hard, and offer that up to you medical people, give them something to work with. It has the additional advantage you do not need to 'think on the run' during the consultations, but have days beforehand to get everything down right

Coming out from under the shadow of that family behavior and expectations is no easy task, but you are getting there, seeing them for what they are and becoming more your own person.

What do you think?

Croix