Narc, menopause, & many other things

[AlostPosie]

Hello, I have been on here before......Im going to get straight to it. I am 54 years old i have been married 31 years now hubby and i both go to the gym 2 years ago a friend of ours from the gym is a bodybuilder now he has never won a title but has been doing it for 20 years so I asked him 2 years ago if he could help me loose weight, he put a plan together he asked me what was my goal i said loose weight mainly for a holiday and we had interactions in the gym with hubby there and the PT asked me to send before and after pics in my underwear, now at the time i did not think anything of it at all NOTHING I mean nothing... he asked me to pose in t he body building stance now moving forward 2 weeks ago, my husband found out that this guy is a sleeze and apparently does this to women and take them to bed. Now this did not happen and this definately was not my intention way way way out of this thought I love hubby but as always we have hand problems. So now he basically is accusing me of sleeping with him, talking to him, meeting up with coffee, he wont let me speak I am afraid to speak everytime he asks me and then he says my stories change its not that they change its that i also remember something else and add to the story so he says i am lying and not taking accountability for this, he suspects that i have told an old friend that i dont love him and that i want to leave him this is not the case. He kept picking and picking and picking at me about this it got to the point where i could not handle it as i know my thruth and he wants me to take accountability for something that was not done or intended. He messages friends for their opinions but does not use my name and then his friends agree with me then hubby shows me the messages and says see you are lying. I am so confused i dont know what to do anymore there is so much more to this in regards that he is a narc and does not let me talk over the years i have lost myself and today i am numb and i dont know how i feel i cant make decisions and i dont even know if i want to leave, we just purchased a new forever home our kids are 26 years plus. He wants me to admit to things i have not done I have turned around and told him its ok we can split and you can tell everyone i am a slut its ok i understand...this is because of the continuous torture of his words over and over again, we have had sex and then the next morning he starts with something else that he remembers or doesnt like my answers, i told him that i believe he is using me for sex now because we do and then we fight and its ugly fighting now i hide in my room to stay away We both went to a psychologist 2 weeks ago and he just left to see him on his own and i have my own psychologist to see in 2 weeks. I can post the messages he sends me and how he talks to me its vulgar I found trauma bond maybe this is me....

[Sophie_M]

Hi AlostPosie

Thank you for sharing today, we can hear that you have a lot of your plate and that this is taking a huge toll of you emotionally and mentally. This community is here to listen and hear to what you are facing and to offer what support we can. You always have the right to feel safe in a relationship and nothing can change that. 

If you feel like speaking to someone, we recommend our friends at 1800 RESPECT who can help you navigate a complex situation. Intimacy should never be used against you and it is not ok to made to feel that way. You are also more than welcome to speak to us on 1300 22 4636 anytime you need us.

If you ever feel unsafe, it is important to call 000 to get immediate support. 

Thank you again for the bravery to share your story here today. We are stronger community for having you in it. Please feel free to let us know how you are anytime at all.

Kind regards

Sophie M