my world has crashed around me and it just keeps getting worse

[lostallhope]

Hi guys, im new. . And needing some help. Let me tell you a little about me.


last year my husband of 10 years dumped me over text message and moved out and on with a 16year old student of his. I was pregnant. This of course was devastating.. when I look back I feel numb thinking about it. Along with the seperation I lost my friends, my home, my pets and my self esteem. I eventually lost my pregnancy. So I took one day at a time in a very destructive manner (alcohol kept me going)  not even 2 weeks after he left I was made redundant. I took time off to finish renovations and sell the house. After being in such a lonely marriage for so long I was able to move on pretty quickly and met a beautiful man, fell deeply in love. The trauma of the divorce and redundancy took a huge hit on my confidence and everytime I would go for a job interview I would have massive panic attacks and look like a fool, I was pretty much unemployable. After selling my home I moved into an apartment with the love of my life. He was my rock, my support, he kept me positive and made me incredibly happy. We went on 3 beautiful holidays and recently came back from a yachting holiday for my 30th birthday. I had run out of money from not working and this put alot of pressure on our relationship. I was eventually able to sit through an interview and secure a job! 4 weeks ago my landlord came to visit and decided to evict me, this feeling of yet again rejection and lonelyness and being scared came over me again and I spent days crying but having my solid strength by my side I had to keep reminding myself it will be okay, we were trying for a family and spent our nights planning our future.. I had to keep telling myself to be strong even if I need to find a new home for us. 2 days later while cooking dinner (4 weeks ago)  the night before my first day at work my best friend and love of my life told me he was unhappy and I am not the one.. he packed up within 30mins and walked out the door.. gone forever. My past month has been endless tears, I have no family support no friends left, I had to sell my car and buy something smaller to be able to put fuel in my car and feed my cat. A bottle of wine a night and wrapped in a ball rocking myself to sleep is the only thing I've been capable to do. It took me 2 weeks to wash the dishes.. and my constant tears and phone calls begging for him to come back has ended in him blocking my number so I cant contact him at all. I went to work everyday telling myself that even though I have nothing left in my life I still have a job.. and nothing could possibly get any worse. Yesterday I got fired.

ii have no energy left to keep going. Everything ive ever loved ive lost. I now am unemployed, alone, homeless, and empty. My family are not talking to me. I have no friends to help me and to reach out to. I have no confidence just a broken spirit, broken heart and perminant tears in my eyes. My cat who seems to be the only thing in my life thats stuck by has been diagnosed with feline aids and keeps having fits. I dont have money to take him to a vet, im struggling enough to feed him. It took me 9 months to get a job because i would have panic attacks and now im back in that place again. I want to give up.

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[Vera55]

Hello lostallhope, welcome to our little community. You will find a lot of understanding and support here.

well, these last ten years of yours have certainly been a roller coaster for you and your emotions. It's no wonder you are drained, tired, and at the end of your coping abilities.

Dear lostallhope, you are not to blame for your situation. you have experienced some very traumatic events. The loss of a baby, husband, and the relationship with your family are all huge  things that take ages to grieve over and reconcile with.

thinking that a new relationship will save you from processing these traumatic events is not realistic.  Who wouldn't want to run away with a new love, sailing on the open ocean and thinking life is good. Unfortunately it comes back and bites us where it hurts most. In our sense of self, our confidence and self esteem. 

Firstly, can you seek out some professional support? 

Secondly, until these are set up can you try to activate as many support resources as you can? 

Putting those in place whilst hanging out here with us will hopefully put things in motion to getting you back on your feet. So sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. 

Kind regards for now  fellow traveler. Vera 

[Neil_1]

Dear Lostallhope ( I hope you don't mind, but I will abbreviate it - LAH - so we're not hammering out what's causing you so many awful issues)

Welcome to Beyond Blue and like Vera has said and welcomed you also;  on here you WILL find friends - you will find genuine people who will become your friends and will share with you experiences, guidance and above all else, we'll support you.

Your story is just so sad and tragic - and may I also say that I feel for you with the loss of your baby.

You felt so low and so awful at the time when your husband up and left you (just awful that would have been to experience) but you found inner strength to battle through that - you battled under adversity that a lot of people would simply have sunk under - it must have been hellishly difficult for you - and I cannot imagine how it would have been for you.  But you managed and you DID come out the other side - and you did all that on your own - your inner strength to overcome all those obstacles, speaks to me that you are one amazingly strong lady.

And now you've got a whole new set of circumstances impacting on you.

It's been a very important step that you've taken to come to this website and to reach out - because you will find hands who will be reaching back out to you and we won't let go.

What Vera has suggested to you, I agree with 100% - and that it is time now for you to reach out for further assistance - by seeking out some professional support - if you don't have a GP who you are comfortable with, on this website, Beyond Blue have listed GP's all over - and if you do a search, hopefully you'll find one or even more in your current location.  These GP's are all trained and know how to deal with mental health issues, so I feel this is really needed for you right now also.

You have dealt with this all pretty much on your own - I'm glad you've reached out to us here - I do hope that you can continue on the search for more support.  Also, I do hope that you can get back to us and let us know how you're going?

Kind regards

Neil

[lostallhope]

Thank you so much for replying. I was at a point today where I was thinking about suicide. I have financial trouble too but its just taken a back seat where I dont  have the energy to deal with anything anymore.  I have been to the doctor I went again today to ask for help. I cried like a child and he asked me to come back tomorrow if I still feel this way tomorrow. I know I need help.. I left feeling very flat. Worse and crap.

ive never been alone before which makes everything harder. However I made some positive decisions today and im very nervous about them. im at the end of my strength I think I need to do this. Please tell me if im making a wrong decision. I want to sell everything I own except sentimental items. Im going to pack me and bb up (my cat) and drive to rockhampton  and live with my best friend and her dogs and fiance on her farm. During this time I can get a bar job casually and finish my uni. She had a marriage breakdown 5 years ago and I did thr same for her. Moved her in. Nursed her back to full health and wouldnt let her pay a cent of rent. She has demanded and wants me to come so she can do the same for me... im scared. . am I making the right decision..I also called my mum and told her my plans. First time we have spoken in months.  She was crying with happiness.  Im so nervous im so alone. Im scared.

[Neil_1]

Hi there LAH

Your first couple of sentences had chills running through me - I'm SOOOOO pleased that you  are now safe.  Please don't go there again.  But I suspect that you won't because of your last paragraph.

LAH, that is a massive positive.  Only you can know the absolute right thing to do - but can I ask:  Where you currently are, do you feel you have prospects?  Are there things there that are tying you to stay there?   Is there anyone there who you'd feel like you're going to leave behind if you move?   I'd say that if all those answers are "no" then I think your decision will be so much easier to make.

Um, BIG silly question from me now - and if you haven't read too many of my posts, you'll know that I divert to silliness every now and then.  LAH, you have a cat.  LAH, your best friend has dogs.  Um, my silly question is probably not needed now, but um, how will the four legged variety of animals get along on the farm??  🙂  🙂

The option that you've listed sounds absolutely brilliant and wow, what a fantastic relationship you and your friend must have for each other.  You see, I told you that you were a brilliantly strong lady - that's because when your friend was in a low place, you reached out to her and helped her - and I don't know what your situation was at the time, but I suspect that even if you were doing it tough, you'd still have done that.  BUT this time is for you.  It sounds like a wonderful opportunity.  To take your cat and move away from all the hell that you experienced and start afresh - áfter' you've experienced some much needed pampering, care and support.

And yes it is a big move and that's why you'd be feeling nervous, but hey, that's emotions - and we can't control them - but to be feeling nervous is ok;  and at the moment, you're alone (physically);  but you've got your mum, you've got us here AND you've got your best friend and wow, when you were told that by her, that must have been so emotional for you to hear that.  I can't tell you how pleased I am to hear that news.

But for now, just do things at your pace - your friend will understand - in that, don't go bang bang bang and rush out of the place do get there.  Take your time so that you're not feeling flustered or anything.  Perhaps write down a check list of things to do before you go.  Take your time over that so you know all the things that you need to take care of - oh oh, here's me jumping ahead of things here.

I think I'll shut up for now.  🙂    I do hope you can get back to us again.

Kind regards

Neil

[lostallhope]

Oh neil you have me in a mass of tears. Im alone physically and emotionally here in sydney. I lost my friends when I lost my husband. Ive always been popular strong and the first one to jump in and be a saving grace for anyone in sight.  In 5 years I had 4 people move in to my home while I helped  them get back on their Feet. When my world crashed everyone disappeared. I tried to harm myself yesterday this is when I knew I need to get out of sydney asap its toxic
 

[Neil_1]

Dear LAH

Oh no … that was the last thing I wanted to achieve for you. LAH – you say you lost friends – I don’t believe they were friends – not in the true sense of the word.  If they WERE, they would have stuck around and been there for you.  But appears to me they were just iffy kinds of people. 

 True friends don’t run – as you didn’t do for your best friend – a beautiful thing, that’s friendship.  And now it’s coming around again to embrace you – your best friend reaching out to you.  And what shows to me (and to you no doubt as well) is that she’s not even close by to you (geographically), but she has got her hand out for you and I’m so pleased you’ve reached back and grabbed hold of it.  Don’t let it go LAH.  🙂   I know you won’t.

But I’m so sorry that I caused you to be in tears.

What do you think will be your next course of action?

Neil

[geoff]

dear LAH, your story is such a sad one, and nobody would ever think that all of this can happen to one person, but yes it has for you, but although you won't be able to see it yourself, that there is so much strength in what you have been through.

So many devastating loses, but please remember that your husband who is going out with a 16 year old will never last, I can promise you that, so some people always say that this is karma, although when there is depression involved here, it never seems to happen.

It really is disappointing that you will go 'tooth and nail' to help anybody who is in trouble or struggling, but it's NOT reciprocated, and I can count many times that this happens, so they are virtually using you, which they would deny.

I think that you do need to get away, and I hope that your girlfriend and her finance treat you as a person who has been so deprived of love and affection for most if not all your life.

Sad stories like yours are ones that the people here would love to follow because you have been rejected on too many occasions, so please stay in touch with us. L Geoff. x