My wife Left me Sept 21st

[Brad49]

After my wife gave birth I lost connection with her I tried getting it back but couldn't.. She was distant... Next thing I knew I found out she was having a Affair. The first time she came back she said she only did cause she loved me. I tried putting a stop to it.. But the other Guy kept chasing after her.. and she had more and more secret liasons. Until finally in September this year she decided to leave me for the other man.Its been 2 months now . I'm on meds anti depressents and anxiety pills.. I'm doing my best to move on. Its so difficult. The problem is my wife is very nieve(all her friends tell me) and was manipulated into this relationship. She lost all her friends and family by being with this guy.They told her not to do it. And recently I cut her off from access to her son. She has no money no job no government benefits and is sponging off this new boyfriend. The problem is even after everything shes done I still love her very much. I'm dating I'm seeing other women. I'm going to the gym I'm getting trim taught and terrific. I keep on waiting for someone to tell me that my wifes relationship with her boyfriend is over.. I know Affairs don't last long but is it just me thinking that this relationship shes in wont last?

[There]

I think with people like that they have made the choice to cheat and you were the one hurt. BUT now you have taken some power back and are controlling YOUR life (and your sons) and I don’t think they cope with that well. I say if no contact with her if what you truly want, stick to your guns. I know Rx was saying about trying to involve her when it comes to her son but she has to be willing to do that for her son not to get close to you or string you along.

Looking back on the week and a half where you had no contact, were you happier? Knowing she wasn’t going to contact you?

J x

[Brad49]

Oh i knew she was going to call again the entire time.When she finally did call i was like thank god thats over with .A counselor im seeing said she may be trying to come back to me.. and so do a few other people.. She was have problems with her boyfriend and was looking for a exit strategy.Now she says shes fine with him i think shes keeping me as a backup.. ive even asked her flat out to come back .. she didnt say yes or no.. didnt say anything.Personally i think shes undecided.. and like i said above Im the B plan. The only solace im going to have i guess is when i move house in the next few months and totally drop off the radar

[Brad49]

oh i forgot to add.She is keeping her communication with me secret.behind her boyfriends back.everytime he is near he hangs up. She mostly calls me when shes at work or hes at work or not around..

[There]

So you’re the B plan... how do you feel about that? Do you want her back? It’s a hard situation Brad 😕 maybe instead of just telling her you don’t want contact from her you need to meet with her and set some ground rules? Let her know you’re being serious. Be strong and don’t answer her calls unless it’s in an allocated time set for her to talk to her son? I think some structure would be benifical (and it would give you a bit of peace from wondering when she is going to call) and she needs to understand that she can’t always have what she wants, you are a person who has feelings too. You matter. You should be someone’s plan A not plan B. Be strong Brad, you’ve been so strong so far.

J x

[Brad49]

well to be honest. Its funny,after a lot of soul searching im seeing her as plan B if i cant find anyone else.if i could find someone else my care factor for her would equal 0.I don't think id care less about her. That's my problem atm im not finding anyone else and im quite lonely.

[There]

I’m not sure that’s a good plan Brad. You shouldn’t have to settle for someone if you can’t cross the path of some who values you. These things don’t happen over night. How can you be fully open to meeting someone new when she occupies some of your mind? I look at how long it took me to meet my ex husband and my ex Mr. M, didn’t happen over night and maybe you need some more you time. I get the loneliness, it sucks not having that connection with someone but wouldn’t you want a connection with someone to be real? Not just a plan B?

If you couldn’t care less about her then why would you want her? Even as a back up plan?

J x

[Brad49]

All i know is that i have to stop pining for her.. Her calling doesn't help.I need to try to get through to her to stop calling..

[There]

Sounds like a good idea. How do you stop the pining? I’ve had no contact with my ex and it’s been 3 months and I’m still pining after everything he’s done... how do you stop it?

[Brad49]

Well i did it.. i went down to my wifes place of work and told her how i feel and to stop calling me..

how much you want to bet ill get a call in a week or so?

[Brad49]

one things bothering me now... What do i do if she calls? Even after all this warning off?