My relationship is over and I am struggling to deal with it

[running_girl]

I have been romantically involved with someone who has mental health issues for the last several months. After spending some time with him during the last few weeks I could see that while he meant what he said when he said it (e.g., that he loved me, that I was ‘the one’, that he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together, that we would get married someday…), he would simultaneously act in ways that kept me at a distance and would occasionally let slip that he didn’t really know if he wanted to be with me in the long-term.

Because of this incongruence, I finally faced up to reality and told him that the timing was clearly not right for us to be together as a couple and we agreed to keep our friendship intact. We then spent the next couple of days together in a kind of in-between state – not exactly a couple but certainly not platonic.

It’s now been a week since he flew back home (he lives interstate) and I’ve left two messages for him, neither of which he has returned. I am heartbroken, depressed (at times severely) and at a loss at what to do. I guess I don’t really have to do anything but keep reminding myself that it’s not my fault that things didn’t work out. And because he’s so clearly unwell, I know it’s not his fault either.

My psych warned me against getting involved with him in the first place but I put her good logic aside and let myself fall completely in love. I am so sad. I know there is nothing to do but ride it out and I don’t expect anyone in the BB community to know of a miracle cure that will make things better. I guess I just wanted to say out loud (or in type on this message board) how I felt. A form of cartharsis maybe…?

[Guest_1584]

Thanks a million Mary yeah they've turned up haha.

That'd explain the delays too , some seem to be taking awhile today but no worries then we know they're on their way. Big hug.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Rg n Mary , hope your holding up RG.

Don't wanna burn up your thread with with too much of my stuff so l'll go on with mine in my thread " feel like l'm going crazy" , if anyone wants to drop into that.

Few developments

[running_girl]

Hi Mary, Randomx, Dory and All,

I'm in need of some advice today. I have a musician friend (not super close) who's invited me to watch her pub gig tonight. She doesn't come on til 10pm and I said I would go.

It's just that I'm a recently recovered social anxiety sufferer and I'm not used to going places - especially pubs - on my own. Is it unusual to turn up to these kinds of things alone? I won't know anyone there as I don't really mix in her crowd. They're all much younger than me but seem really lovely.

Not only do I not have a partner to go with, but I only have a handful of friends that live locally, and none of them are into the pub scene or late weeknights. So it's go alone or stay home.

I really want to go - to support her, but mainly to prove to myself that I can have forge a social life on my own, without a partner to hide behind.

Still, I'd like others' thoughts on whether they'd be hesitant to turn up alone, or whether they'd just get out of their comfort zone and start accepting the facts of being single.

Thanks for listening,

rg

[Guest_128]

Hey,

You have nothing to lose with this.

Just rock up and if it's awkward put funny cats on your ph😂

If it's terrible,just leave.

Dory

[running_girl]

Thanks Dory 🙂 I will do exactly that.

Hope you're doing ok today, rg x

[Guest_128]

Yeah I'm ok, forced myself to go walking with a group of ladies some I meet for the first time. Such a beautiful morning, tried really hard to monitor what I said😳

Let us know how you go,hope the music is good

[running_girl]

Dory, glad to hear you're ok and getting out and doing new things. Please don't monitor what you say among your new friends too much - you have a wonderful way with words that shouldn't be suppressed 🙂

rg

[Guest_128]

Hellooooo

How you going?

[White_Rose]

Hello RG

Sorry to take so long to reply. I have been out all day with one of my volunteer jobs.

I would be nervous going to place I am not familiar with, on my own and no probability of being with someone I know. In spite of that I would go if I was interested in the music and wanted to support my friend. It's amazing the strength we find to do those things that scare us because we have a strong reason to take part.

As your friend is not on until late, is it possible for you to meet up at the pub before she goes on stage and have a quiet drink together. Once you have settled down you will enjoy the performances of your friend and others. It's the getting in the door and settled that is the scary bit.

Having been used to going out with my husband in the past it was a shock to do anything alone. I had not realised how uncomfortable this could be. The options are to stay at home or brave my fears and nervousness. Well, there is no way I was going to sit indoors and feel hard done by, so I went out and made new friends. It doesn't happen all at once, the best things never do. It does show you don't need a prop to live your life.

Go get 'em.

Mary

[running_girl]

Hi Mary & Dory,

Thank you so much Mary for your considered response. And Dory for checking in on me again.

I was determined to go last night but when I was walking my dog beforehand, I started crying and then I couldn't stop for the rest of the night. I'm having difficulty accepting everything - my divorce, my failed post-divorce relationship, the fact that he is already sleeping with someone else and did not return my calls when we were supposed to have parted as close friends and just a few weeks ago we were talking about eventually getting married.

I feel somewhat purged after crying so much and I see my psych today so I know I'll be ok. I've explained to my friend why I missed her gig and she was very understanding.

My ex had been seeing a psychic over the last couple of months and she told him we were meant to be together and ultimately we would be and we'd be very happy. But first we would encounter a few bumps along the way. I know she was telling him what he wanted to hear at the time but I can't let it go. I feel silly but it keeps me hoping which is tearing me up inside.

I was meant to be spending this weekend with him and I'd prepaid the hotel, which I've now gifted to a friend because I couldn't bear staying their alone. I am just so hurt. He was such a big part of my younger years and I loved him so much then and now. I cannot believe it has come to this.

As always, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Am looking forward to seeing my dr in couple of hours .

rg