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My partner sees my mental health problems as a failing on my part

contrarymary
Community Member

I have been to my GP about my stress and anxiety which is mainly due to health issues I think I have things wrong with me that I don't. E.g. a headache is a brain tumour

I tried to explain to my partner that my GP referred me to a pycologist and he went mad saying it was all in my head, snap out of it, no one he knows is mentally ill. It doesn't help that the subject can't be discussed at home

Has anyone overcome this resentment I will go to appointments it will help to speak to someone. It will help me to discuss my issues

My partner and I are both in our 60s and grew up overseas when mental health was kept behind closed doors

Any advice appreciated

11 Replies 11

Hello Contrarymary, what maybe happening with what your husband is thinking about, is taking notice of how you are not only feeling, but also behaving and whether paying the money to them is worth it.

If you aren't paying for the sessions at the moment, then he can't understand why you go, sit down in front of someone for an hour or so and nothing has changed, so what's the point of going, what he doesn't understand is that you can speak to them about different situations that you are unable to do with him, that's the benefit of seeing a psychologist.

Three visits may not produce the positive results you're after, the first visit is to get to know each other and whether or not you feel comfortable talking about your private concerns and if you are able to open up to them.

The second appointment is testing the waters so to speak, where you may mention one specific occasion and then see what type of reaction you get, then the third develops from there on.

Ask them how and what to say to your husband.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

MaryV
Community Member

I relate to this Contrary Mary.

I just put this on one of the anxiety forums then thought I'd look in this one as many of my concerns stem from not being taken seriously by my partner.

So my story is that I have been with my wife for more than 20 years, we have 3 children together (15 & under) and a lot of my anxiety comes from family life. I am a migrant (English speaking) so have no family here although I have a couple of good friends. Not many. I believe she has anxiety from her childhood also due to having an alcoholic father but does not accept it, she is a very 'just get on with it, pull yourself together' type of person. I love my family dearly and am very grateful for what we have built and what we have, and what we can give our children. We are very lucky I know. But....I feel like I am always walking on eggshells waiting for the next thing I do wrong or the next blow up. She is very unpredictable and gets into rages that result in telling me to just stop talking. I told her just before Xmas that I thought I had anxiety and she told me not to label myself; and last week I wrote her a long text (because we had been arguing and couldn't resolve it) explaining how I felt, telling her I loved her but that I thought her need for control of everything in the family was a sign of anxiety also, and that we should get counselling together - her response was to say 'don't ever send me a text like again what a load of shit' (Excuse my language!)

I have anxiety, and I am trying to accept it and deal with it with a partner who doesn't believe it, who doesn't want her wife to say she has it, and who doesn't believe one bit in counselling. I have asked her to come to counselling with me several times but she will not and says it is a waste of time. Sometimes I just up-manage her, other times I have no energy for her. I love her, she says she loves me and doesn't want me to change, but actually won't accept my feelings of anxiety, so I deal with it by myself. I have confided in one friend but my wife would be so furious if she knew. She would call this type of post attention seeking and tells me I am quite selfish in talking about it.

But I need to put these thoughts somewhere as I have been getting worse instead of better.