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My husband moved out and I'm so alone...

LonelyMiss
Community Member

I just feel so alone....

He has been my companion for almost 10 years. We have been married for only a few months and he decided to move out only a couple of weeks ago. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore that our relationship was toxic and that he has been so very unhappy for years.....

The signs were all there, the distance, the frustrations, he even told me countless times that it wasn't working and I just ignored it. I didn't want to admit there was something wrong, that things needed to change, I didn't make an effort and now he is gone, and I am so very very alone. 

We are still together just living apart, going to reassess our relationship at the end of the year, but is it too late? Has he already given up? The nights are the hardest, I am in our apartment, our home all by myself. I have my good moments and then I have some really bad times too, especially at dinner, eating alone and crying myself to sleep.

People keep telling me that some space will be good, a chance to discover who we are as individuals, to gain some perspective and to get some me time. But why is it that I feel like his life is going on as usual, that he is coping completely fine without me and I am stuck all alone. 

I don't know what to do, how to cope....

He has been my everything for years and now I have nothing but lonely nights wondering what he is doing and why he hasn't called. 

I just want to know if he still loves me, if it is worth making an effort on our relationship, or if I should start moving on. I just want to be happy again, to stop feeling so alone....

Any words of wisdom would be amazing!

4 Replies 4

AGrace
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi LonelyMiss,

Sorry to hear about your relationship situation.

If your husband has been feeling these things for some time now, then as difficult as it might be, it's probably for the best that the two of you take some time out. 

Have the two of you considered getting some relationship counselling together? It might just be that there are some issues that need to be resolved, and a counsellor can help you through these.

If you know that you feel most lonely at night when you're on your own, are you able to visit a friend or family member, or have someone come and stay with you in the evenings.

You have mentioned feeling like he is your everything. Which is pretty natural to feel about a partner. I'm wondering whether you can still see yourself as an individual? Are you able to take this time to discover yourself a little? What sorts of things do you enjoy doing? Do you have a hobby or interest? Are you working in a particular field? When you were living together, were there any things that you wished you could have done for you that perhaps you had to sacrifice?

You might also want to think about what you want from the relationship if you were to stay together? Have you asked your partner what he want's for the relationship? It can be really hard to hear about what he's not getting from the relationship, turning it into a positive can make it that little bit easier.

Being happy again is something that needs to come from you. It would be good if you could find some happiness even when you are on you're own. It's a shame to try to rely on the company or presence of others for happiness.

I really hope that this works out for you guys. I'd love to hear more from you. 

AGrace

LonelyMiss
Community Member

Hi AGrace and the others out there,

I saw my husband tonight and we sat and talked....

He says that the time we spend together is amazing, we have stuff to talk about and get along better than before, but the thing is that this is exactly how he feels when he sees his best friends, that he doesn't miss me.

He says he loves me and always will, but I feel as though maybe he is not in love with me anymore. And then I start questioning how I feel, what is love and what are you mean't to feel when you are in love? Do I love his company but am not in love with him? 

I'm lonely and confused! 

Hi, 10 years is a long time to be with someone, I know I was with my husband 32years, he died 20/09/13. nearly 12 months ago. I too am lonely, but I can recall all the good times there were a few. There were times I loved him but did not like him, but as a woman I sttod by him. sometimes I did wish we would break up but neither of us had the courage. They say time heals all wounds, I sure hope so. you will bounce back even learn to enjoy your own company, the days or nights out will be a treat and something to look forward to. I hope you can forgive him for leaving he had his reasons even if they are not valid to you or even clear. He has had 10 years to decide if the relationship is right. the most important feeling is yours. how do you feel about him. answer that question and you will have your answer.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear LonelyMiss, I can relate to your post, it's just that with me it was wife who walked out on me, after 25 years of being married, and with having 2 beautiful sons, but they were over 18 and had moved out of home.

This wasn't the first time she had left me, it happened  2 or 3 times before but it was always my fault, according to her, and perhaps she maybe right, but when they happened I was working in a pub, the first one being a family owned hotel and then when we were managers of another, but she left taking the boys without letting me know.

I understand that I was working about 100 hours a week and couldn't spend much time with her and the kids, plus the fact that when I knocked off and closed the hotels I had been drinking.

I had never thought that she would leave me and then divorce me, but she was a controlling type person, and always wanted what she wanted.

We still ring each other but it's mainly me contacting her, but her attitude towards me hasn't changed, so now if I don't want to listen to what she is saying I just hang up, because I don't want to be belittled by her, and don't have to.

I'm sorry that this reply hasn't really replied back to you, but all I can say to you is that you have to look at your situation in10 years from now, and I know that's it's not comfortable for you because of the uncertainity, but you have to consider your future. L Geoff. x