My daughter's situation is causing me a lot of angst

Barbie_Boo · ‎13-02-2017

I have suffered anxiety on and off for years and have usually managed with medication which after around 12 months go off and seem to manage okay. This time I am not. My daughter and her partner have separated and she has come home with her three beautiful children. She is quite young and has been in a controlling relationship for over ten years. She has now rediscovered herself and although she loves her kids and wants custody (family law) says 50% each, she is not doing as I think she should which is causing me a lot of angst. She has been separated for 6 weeks. I do believe it is a phase but it is causing me a lot of worry, I am overthinking things, she will lose her children, all sorts of scenarios. How do I switch off?

Quiettall · ‎13-02-2017

Hi Barbie

It is easy to overthink things and try to "care" for her...she is your daughter. However, she is an adult, she has children and it is her prime responsibility as to how to bring up her children. In saying that, while she is under your roof, it is ok for you to lay down some basic groundrules of behaviour that you would expect of anyone else, but be careful they are not being colored with your wish to control.

We have an overseas student staying with us at the moment. It frustrates me somewhat to see her behave in such a selfish way. However, I have determined to back off, and allow my wife to run the show here, with me spending time talking to her about my concerns rather than causing any angst with the student. Have you got someone you can talk to about this? Or can you talk sensibly and rationally with your daughter away from the hearing of the children?

Barbie_Boo · ‎14-02-2017

Thank you for your comments, they are very reassuring. I know that is what I must do but for instance last night I lost it. I found out that her ex is still controlling her (I hate text messaging) and that is the issue and explains a lot of her behavior. I thought she was not going back but am not sure that is now the case. I am only finding out now how controlling the relationship was. I try and talk to her but we end up arguing. I really do want her to move out and get her own place with the children but cannot get her to do it. It would do her the world of good. I am seeing a good psch at the moment.