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Maybe give up on finding love?

JJ1981
Community Member

Hi ladies and gentlemen

I'm a 41 year old male professional who has been single practically his whole life. I did manage to have dates with a few women since I moved to my current city five years ago. But, I have a funny feeling that the COVID pandemic (and its aftermath) left Australia's dating scene in shambles. I feel that is more of a case amongst the women. I understood that the best way for me to find a potential date after school and university is to find social groupings involving regular contact with women. But, so many women are now hesitant to go to mixed gender social groupings because of how certain men have hurt the women they came across in a big variety of ways. So, that hurt guys like me too.

I feel that maybe I am not meant to find love. Otherwise, life's circumstances would have been far more in my favour. Like me working near city offices, instead of in deep suburbia. Like me having genuine help on dating instead of being leached upon by every so called dating coach imaginable for money (who doesn't love money?!). Like me going to social groups that have the same women attending regularly instead of just showing up once and never returning. Like my siblings helping me hook up with one of their contacts instead of hiding them from me. Like me finding women at the "right place at the right time" instead of me finding women being sighted by 50 male "competitors", including their friends and work colleagues.

I also have been now getting the impression that some women find heterosexual romance to be a mere misogynistic conspiracy designed to restrain women and their freedoms...which is why I keep hearing about how more women are staying single and have NEVER been happier. All at a time when my depression has been contributed to by a very long absence of companionship.

I just now ask myself...am I meant to be single for life? Am I meant to just shut my longing up in response to women reacting to how some men treated them? I must say I am feeling more at peace about this possibility, but I want to say this. That is still a sad reality for me to face.

Any thoughts/comments? Many thanks.

16 Replies 16

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear JJ1981
We know that it can be incredibly difficult to share our story, so we want to say thank you for showing such courage in posting and sharing that experience - you never know who will read this post and feel less alone on their own journey as also for you too.


We are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.


We’re sure we’ll hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.


Regards


Sophie M

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello JJ1981, I'm very sorry you have had no or very little luck in being able to find a companion/partner and in the last few years it would have been difficult with lock downs and being isolated, but now all of this has been freed up.

There is an old saying and it goes 'the more you want, the less you get, and the less you get, the more you have', I'm sorry I hope this hasn't harmed you, but I remember being a kid and always being told this, back then I didn't understand what it meant.

Even if there are 50 males seeking to find a female, doesn't mean any of them may be suitable, because they may be looking at only you and to marry an attractive girl, who is well, rich and you are accepted is a mans dream, but then on the other hand, a poor girl who could offer you all the love you ever wanted is just as ideal.

Someone will come your way and it may just happen out of the blue, because to marry someone just for the sake of it, may not be in your best interests.

Good luck.

Geoff.

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi JJ1981,

I'm sorry that you haven't found that special someone yet but please don't give up hope because your special someone could be just around the corner.

Good things come to those who wait and I'm sure you are very deserving a lovely person to enter your life.

Trust the process everything will happen for you at the right time.

JJ1981
Community Member

Hi Petal and George

Thanks for getting back. I have to admit that I disagree more and more about love coming "when you least expect it". If I'm still meant to find love and get the best out of it, I would have had circumstances pulling me closer to her...not be driven away, which is what's actually happening.

Because of this, the frustration has now become astronomical. I understand its meaning, but it's repeated so often, it has lost all of its meaning.

JJ1981
Community Member

Geoff

About that saying, how does me wanting more mean me having more even with getting less. It makes sense but kind of doesn't...

Petal22
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi JJ1981,

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way I understand the frustration I really do.

Stay positive, stay positive to the fact that you will meet the love of your life very soon she is out there.

Bridge678
Community Member
Are you getting out and doing things that you enjoy? What better place to meet someone then doing something that you both have in common. Go for the enjoyment of your hobbies and if love follows even better.

JJ1981
Community Member

Hi Bridge

One little problem. And, I'll probably sound sarcastic about this.

Here is what I did. Dancing classes? Check. Social dancing in at least two or three places per month? Check. Bingo? Check. Quiz nights? Check. Go karting? Check. Language classes? Check. Social painting classes? Check. A group of formal painting classes? Check. A group of formal pottery making classes? Check. Drawing classes? Check. Attendance at social conventions? Check. Pub crawls? Check. Watching soccer? Check. Multicultural gatherings? Check. Scientific meetings? Check.

And the list goes on and on and on...

I know that going out and pushing yourself is a better approach to increase chances of finding companionship, but (as I said) circumstances would have drawn me towards love...instead of me going through such misfortune as shown above!

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello JJ, wanting makes it impossible for us to truly appreciate our present state because we feel like we're missing out on something and please don't be misled into thinking you shouldn't want more in your life and remember never having enough and never content with what we can have, makes it impossible to satisfy, I'm only suggesting this may happen.

Geoff.