Lost

[_ranaxuraya_]

My ex partner left me after 8 months of dating, and we were both extremely in love with each other. His reason for ending the relationship related to him not being able to balance a relationship with his other repsonsibilties right now. He told me it had nothing to do with love and that it wasn't anything I did. We still message each other every now and then, he left before my birthday and on my birthday he sent me a very heartfelt message saying he loves me and still keeps me in his prayers and hopes for the best for me. It still hurts so much though. This was the first time I've ever felt this deeply and in love with someone and  the pain is unberable. I respect the fact that he was honest with me about  not being able to balance things but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I love him so much. I haven't been able to eat, sleep or focus on anything the past 4 weeks. I feel so lost and hurt and I just don't want to be here anymore. It feels like this will never pass and i dont know what to do. I tried pushing past it and treid to go to work, ended up having a panic attack and got rushed to the hopsital. I don't know how to function anymore. I'm hurt and I don't want to feel anything anymore. Does anyone have any advice on how or what I can do please?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Lack of resolve one way or the other is clearly the problem you face. Even a complete break up would, eventually, lead to the grief feathering out to allow you to move forward.

At 21yo I met a lady 7 years my senior , she had a toddler. We lived off and on together, every week or even more often she'd leave me and leave a note. After 6 years of this intolerable situation I gave her an ultimatum- make up your mind in 12 months (which was over generous) or we'd break up. I needed the resolve I suggested to you.

That day came, I asked her, she responded "umm, I'm thinking about it". One of the hardest choices I had ever made was to pack up my stuff and leave, still in love with her. About 4 months later I bumped into her at shops. I asked her had she thought much about us having a permanent relationship, marriage etc. "Umm... a little, umm" I knew then I made the right choice.

A good sound relationship is to face the future and all your problems together as a team. Any issues he had that caused imbalance in your relationship should have been discussed instead of a grey area that haunts you.

Finally, your health. You must place yourself, your mental health above this turmoil, allow your head to rule your broken heart and do things out of the ordinary like even go on dates, visit friends and recreate a life that reduces this obsession that true love creates.

Also, according to your account of the situation, his technique in dealing with this situation, creating it, doesnt make much sense to me. My own gut feeling would be to find out more about his reasons.

Take care.

TonyWK

[LonelyGirl24]

Hi, 

I kinda know what you are feeling. Not the same situation (mine is worse although this is not a competition) but same concept that my ex-bf cheated on me. We still love each other but then I found out that he impregnated the other woman hence I can't stay in the relationship anymore. We've been together for 6 years. He still tells me that he loves me but never asked me to get back together with him. I think he knows I already made up my mind. My situation is still very fresh hence I am still angry, sad and very emotional. 

I can't believe that you are still feeling hurt after 4 weeks. When is it going to stop? Have you considered talking to a counsellor? 

[geoff]

Hello, it' always sad and disappoiting when a relationship ends like this, but perhaps as the honeymoon period had ended he is secretly keeping quiet about strugglng with a mental illness which he doesn't want to tell you about, this however doesn't help you at all.

What could happen is ask him if he would like to come with you to a counselling session together, so that both of you can understand what's going on.

Geoff.

Life Member.